Do you know a married couple that never fights? Me neither. Two people. One life. Happily ever after – with a few inevitable rough spots and bumps along the journey. Sometimes those bumps in the road become hills and the hills become mountains and then what? Is giving up an option? Do we quickly begin to throw around the “D” word? Hopefully not, because that’s always the easy thing to do. What’s really tough is staying and working it out when the going gets tough. That’s why I’d like to share with you why I’ve given up (a few things) in my marriage.
I’ve decided to give up always having to be right. This was very hard because after all, we’re arguing because we both think we’re right and that the other spouse is wrong. I have recently learned to just bow out gracefully. It hasn’t killed me because you’re reading this. Every disagreement doesn’t have to be a big deal.
I’ve given up on thinking that because he disagrees with me that his love for me is compromised. Time and time again, my warped thinking, especially in the heat of a disagreement, has me thinking that because he won’t budge, he must not love me as much. Yes this a childish frame of mind, but I’m not the only person that thinks this way. I’m so glad that this has been proven not to be the case and that his passion towards whatever he is arguing about is probably worth it, and his passionate nature is one of the reasons I married him in the first place.
I’ve completely given up on the silent treatment. He may disagree because I now call this time my calming period. Not long ago, I would give him the silent treatment after a disagreement and behave much like a petulant child, but all that really looks like is pouting. I’m grown. I’ve said what I had to say and I’m done. Why don’t we just agree to disagree, and move on? Besides, life is too short not to talk to each other, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone. I would hate for my last words to my spouse to be “nothing” and the last time he saw me, I had my lips tuned up… because of virtually nothing.
I’ve also given up on thinking that his way of parenting is wrong simply because its not “my way”. Before we got married and during pre-marital counseling, we discussed our parenting styles. We agreed overall but our innate and subjective differences sometimes clash but again, does that mean that either of us are wrong? No. Just not the same. As long as he’s not using cruel and unusual punishment (or feeding them too much refined sugars), I guess I can get over it.
I’ve thrown up my hands a lot in my marriage, but I refuse to throw my hands up ON my marriage. We have an understanding that there are very few deal breakers in our commitment to one another, and that fact makes our disagreements that much easier to get over. Simply knowing that after the smoke clears, we’ll both be standing there for each other gives me comfort. But ladies, we know we’re right 99% of the time anyway, so just look at it as energy savings. Don’t waste any unnecessary time or energy trying to prove something you already know to be true (wink wink).
BMWK – Are there things that you given up for common good of your marriage? Do you agree that marriage takes a little give in take in order to be successful?