6 Ways to Act Like You’re Married

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by Dr. Michelle Johnson | on December 7th, 2012 | 21 comments

He just couldn’t believe his wife went all day without checking in with him. Who does that? Surely not a wife, as my co-worker explained. You see, she’s married…to an amazing man…to a provider and protector of the family…and to a caring father of their three daughters. He takes his responsibilities as a Christian husband and father seriously. Which means, if he acts like he’s married, he expects his wife to do the same.

“You better act like you married and check in with me,” the husband told his wife.

That was good to hear, real good, especially since my friend wasn’t talking about a controlling husband who’s paranoid about his wife’s whereabouts. It was the total opposite. He wasn’t trying to control her; he was trying to connect with her –his wife, his lover, his best friend, his help. Now, that’s romantic!

Our conversation got me to thinking about other ways married folk act like, or should act like, they are married. And here are 6 of them:

1. Check-in with your spouse during the day.

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Now, there is no set time when this happens, but I would think it rather strange if my husband and I went over 10 daytime hours without hearing from each other. Again, this is not for control but for connection. After all, your spouse is your life partner. How can you go through life together if you spend half of your waking hours disconnected? Act like you are married and check in during the day.

Being married isn’t a static state of being; it’s a perpetual state of acting. I AM married, so I ACT married. . . everyday. It’s not something that happens automatically or instantly once you say “I do,” but it does get easier and more rewarding with time.

BMWK, what are some other ways to act like you are married?

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online
international women’s ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker,
teacher. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.

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Comments (21)

Allison Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply

Excellent article. I especially appreciate the "go home" comment. We are very active in our church and in our childrens' schools, but my husband and I feel very strongly about keep home as a haven and harbor for our family. That means taking breaks to come home and be together, NOT being at the church 6 and 7 days a week, having dinner together, etc. Sometime married folk use business as an excuse not to deal with the homefront -- especially if there are problems going on there. Your marriage and family IS your primary ministry! And it demands your primary concerns and attention. We stay busy but we endeavor to keep the borders of the family haven tightly intact!
- DrMichelle Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  Well said, Allison. As a pastor's wife, I deal with this as well. A solid and thriving home life makes for a better ministry and church life. God bless you and yours.
Superwife Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply

These are excellent tips and my husband and I practice these things consistently. However, I have always found it interesting, that BEFORE a couple marries, they communicate with each other many times each day just to connect while courting, AFTER they marry this changes - usually, but not always, its the man who is annoyed at his wife's level of communication. Funny - when I was texting you 5 times a day before we said I do, you loved it, now, I am doing too much. Interesting.....the only thing that changed is our relationship status. We do check in daily - but the feeling about it isn't always the same as before marriage. Thanks again.
- Dr Michelle Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  A lot people get complacent after the wedding. But that is the time to be more intentional. Great comment. Thanks for adding that to the discussion.
Tamara D. Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply

I am not married yet but I REALLY enjoyed this article. I have blessed to be in the company of Titus 2 women who live all six of these principles. As a single woman with married friends, I've had to gently check a few of them to remind them that they HAVE to protect their time together, meaning "no, I will not allow you talk on the phone with me and leave your husband unattended. Not on my watch." Again, this was so good and straight to the point. I also enjoyed your article about ways you know your husband trusts you.
- Dr Michelle Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks for sharing that Tamara. Blessings.
Cheryl Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply

Great article! We do 5 out of the 6. I don't wear my ring because of work, but when going out other places, I definitely put it on! Acting married is definitely something that takes time, but you have to be intentional about it. It is hard to start thinking in terms of "we", especially if you spent a long time single.
- Dr Michelle Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  It definitely requires a mind transformation. But it's worth all of the work to know someone has your back until death do you part. Blessings on you and yours Cheryl.
Tiera Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply

I am not married yet but this article was definitely a good read. I want to learn the most I can before I say I do that way I will be ahead of the game! I think a lot of the marriages that fail are ones that failed to prepare and I don't plan to be in that percentage.
- Dr Michelle Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  Yes you will Tiera. Keep reading.
Erika Saturday - 08 / 12 / 2012 Reply

I would add...get a babysitter:). I've been around people who forget to nourish their relationship once children come. In order to stay connected after children spouses need to have a regular date night and get a babysitter. We watch shows on Netflix, window shop, get ice cream, and play disc golf as some of our dates. Your date doesn't have to cost a dime, but PAY for that sitter or ask family or friends. It's your relationship and it still mattera after children.
- Dr Michelle Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply
  
  I couldn't imagine being married with kids and NO babysitter. Tragic!!
traceykinohio Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply

All great points, ladies :-)
Niambi Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply

Hello Dr. Michelle! These are great tips!
LaWanda Monday - 10 / 12 / 2012 Reply

I love this. The messages are simple yet profound. Thank you
Christy Pessemier Tuesday - 11 / 12 / 2012 Reply

I haven't seen many articles around that talk about this topic. Thank you for writing it! I love every one of the six tips you included. It's so easy in this day and age to act like a single person when people should be focusing on growing their marriage. Great post!
I'M DONE Saturday - 29 / 12 / 2012 Reply

GREAT article. What happens when it's too late? When you have disregarded your spouse for years and now you want to do these things but your spouse is now emotionally unavailable? For double digit years my spouse didn't go home. She always blew up and asked "what you want?!" when I called or "why?!" if I asked if she was busy or what side of town she was on. "Good morning" was met by a blank stare. At dinner time, I would walk in the house to either the aroma of a wonderful meal with no food left and her family full as ticks around my house, or no aroma at all. One she did take to heart though. I was talked about LIKE A DOG... Family vacations consisted of Her, the kids whoever was going with them and a notification that she was headed out of town with whoever, which basically came as a phone call as she entered the expressway. NOW, double digit years later, she's confused as to why I cannot just let the past be the past and move forward. I can't make myself care enough to embrace these principles WITH THIS WOMAN. I fully believe in and agree that they will work, when I marry my wife, the one that will love me before it's too late. Am I wrong?
Ready to give up Sunday - 06 / 01 / 2013 Reply

"I'm done" I completely understand where your coming from. I'm not to that point yet, but getting there. Tired of constantly begging for that attention that was received while we were dating. Instead of feeling, special I feel like I get what's left over after friends, family, and work. The only way that I am able to deal with it is becoming emotionally unavailable. I've tried to talk, but there's no change. If anyone has any suggestions please share.
Katrina Wednesday - 30 / 01 / 2013 Reply

This is a great article and mostly how I feel about us. I love you
Vasilisa Wednesday - 10 / 04 / 2013 Reply

I really appreciate this post. I’ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You have made my day!
Xhay Monday - 06 / 05 / 2013 Reply

There is another reason why someone wouldn't be very their wedding ring: job. A lot of men are in construction and its a safety issue. Oh and in the military as well, depending on course.