Are You a High Maintenance Spouse?

BY: - 4 Feb '13 | Marriage

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I wouldn’t normally label myself as high maintenance, but a recent encounter with a White Castle sign made me second guess that thought. The sign read “Valentines Day Reservations, Call Now.” My initial thoughts of spending Valentine’s Day with my husband in White Castle were that it would be very unappealing. We don’t normally celebrate this particular occasion anyway because we usually honor one another throughout the year. But when I thought about my husband presenting White Castle reservations to me, I wasn’t too sure how I would have responded.

My husband has often described me as easy going and drama free. I know part of that comes from my not requesting too much too often. It doesn’t require a whole lot to keep me satisfied and the same is true for my husband. Which doesn’t mean we don’t put forth a great deal of effort to gratify one another. But I questioned my first reaction to that sign. It brought to mind conversations I used to have with friends as a young adult. I recall me and my girlfriends debating the topic of relationships back in the day and what a boyfriend had to do for us. Things like pay for every date, help out with certain bills, and buy us things just because, were all things boyfriends had to do in order to maintain our interest. We were young and placed value on the amount of money a man was willing to spend. Once, it came down to the engagement ring. I remember one friend even declaring if the ring didn’t cost at least a specific dollar amount it wouldn’t be accepted. Now it never went that far for me. But I also had certain childish requirements. I am so grateful I grew out of that mode.

My relationship has gone beyond material things. It focuses on how my husband makes me feel, not what he can buy for me. So although I didn’t think, at first, a date at White Castle for Valentine’s Day would be of interest to me, I came to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter where we are. Not every date can be lavish, sometimes the budget may be a little tight and we have to get creative. Or it’s something to do just for fun. The bottom line is to keep focused on what’s most important in my relationship and it isn’t where my husband takes me on a date.

BMWK — Are you a high maintenance spouse? Would you be okay with reservations at White Castle for Valentine’s Day?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 370 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com

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25 WordPress comments on “Are You a High Maintenance Spouse?

  1. Ashley

    I have too say I know for a fact I am not high maintenance, I feel white castle is better then nothing, plus I love me some white castle. you wrote this in good timing Tiya, you no women and men would go broke just to please their mate.

    Reply
  2. Superwife

    This society is too materialistic in general. Basing the value of another human being on how much money they have is a mistake….no matter which partner in the relationship does it.

    Reply
  3. RJ

    My husband always talked about eating at Pizza Hut with his family when he was a kid and how it was one of his favorite things. For his birthday I surprised him by taking him to Pizza Hut and he loved. We both are pretty laid back when it comes to stuff like that.

    Reply
    1. Tiya

      I think it’s the intentions too RJ. It meant something to your husband because it showed you listen and pay attention to what matters to him. Love that!

      Reply
  4. gina

    Honestly, no. If he can’t put in the effort to do something so obviously cheap and phoned-in, why bother? There are lots of things that don’t cost a lot (for example, he could stay at home and be your personal masseuse for free, or make a home-cooked meal for the price of what he paid in gas and greasy premade burgers) that say that at least he tried. It doesn’t have to be expensive to be thoughtful.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Right Gina! Cooking @ home would be a lot cheaper then going to freaking White Castles LOL!! Hell, I ate white Castles on a late night, just got in from the club! Not for dinner anytime!

      Reply
  5. Adrian

    Well maybe thats for yall. I’m going to keep it real. I don’t want White Castle for Valentine’s day. We can stay home for that matter and just cook. I agree with the as long as we’re together part and I would be in it for better or for worse. But since the money is possibly tight its best that we cook. And we can make a meal out of each other. Just my thoughts.

    Reply
  6. Cheryl

    I thought that my local White Castle was the only one that did that! I am not high maintenance in that respect, but no belly bombs for me! My husband and I enjoy celebrating Valentine’s day, as an excuse to give gifts. To not celebrate it is like not celebrating my birthday because I am alive the other days of the year. We never break the bank or anything – sometimes just a card and something needed but not purchased – I got a purple mechanical pencil once (loved it). We celebrate just about everything – we have had at least 5 honeymoons.

    Reply
  7. Rose

    i know many women that would not be with their boyfriend or husband taking them to White Castle at anytime! At one time when I was younger I would been looked at my mate like are you serious, “me going to a fast-food joint for Valentine’s Day”. I’m glad I grew up as well! My mate is more concern about taking me to nice places and buying me nice things then me. He feels that his woman should have the very best of things. We been talking about engagement rings and I said I would not care how much one costs that he buys for me, but I know he’s going to do it big :) I’m a lucky woman. SN: People are too worried about material things than the love from their mate!

    Reply
  8. Yana

    I must be high maintenance then (kanye shrug). I prefer to call it having standards though. I mean we are in our 30’s (he 40 in two weeks) now and financially in a better place then we were 18 years ago when we met. Since we are doing better now, naturally I expect better. Now if White Castle held a special significance in or relationship ( i.e. first date there, where we met) then going there would be sweet, but since it doesn’t he would indeed get looked at sideways. I get tired of people equating having standards with some how being shallow or high maintenance. I personally equate women who let a spouse or a boyfriend repeatedly get away with shabby gift giving, ill planned special occasions etc as lacking in self worth. Black people need to stop the love is all we need nonsense, because it most certainly is not. God put alot of beautiful shiny things on Earth and for our pleasure and if we can afford them then I want them. Now if you truely are a person that doesn’t value these things, that’s one thing, but for those of us who do I don’t see a thing wrong with having expectations and wanting them to be met. That included my wedding ring!

    Reply
    1. Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

      Yana, I just love the honesty in your comment. Shiny is nice, For me it’s all about the experiences. Now a nice tropical, island vacation and he got me in the palm of his hands lol. Love for me is about the actions. I want something that can stay with me always. But you’re right, absolutely nothing wrong with those who want something else.

      Reply
  9. Anonymous

    The main thing is noone goes broke buying these items. I know of a couple who was always eating out and taking mini road trips. After the wedding she discovered just how deep in debt he went just to date her. She was not aware of his finacices before hand so this was a shocker to her.

    Reply
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