Bad Kids Don’t Necessarily Equal Bad Parents

BY: - 14 Feb '13 | Parenting

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Photo Credit: Scott Griessel

Photo Credit: Scott Griessel

Bad kids don’t necessarily equal bad parents.  And good kids don’t necessarily equal good parents. Some parents try their best.  They try to teach their kids respect, they have rules, and they have consequences for breaking the rules.  And no matter how hard they try, the child doesn’t “act right”.

Likewise, I know some very good adults and kids whose parents sucked!

I wrote a post this week, 12 Things to Do to Prevent Your Kids From Acting a Fool in Public and I received comments like if you teach your kids respect then you won’t have to worry about anything when you leave the house.   And,  I received a few tweets that summed it all up for me:

[blackbirdpie url="https://twitter.com/RonnieTyler/status/300975009399197696"]

[blackbirdpie url="https://twitter.com/mcgersten/status/301031984107515906"]

[blackbirdpie url="https://twitter.com/RadJenny/status/301098797554085888"]

I also received countless comments on Facebook that alluded to the fact that if your  child is acting up in public, then it is a reflection of your parenting skills (or lack thereof. )  And I am here to tell you that …that is not always the case.  There are parents that are working very hard to raise their kids and they are finding it very challenging, and the kids are fighting back and sometimes misbehaving.  And it does not help that we as parents are so judgmental of each other.

I also ran a post this week, Don’t Give Up on Your Teens, where I admitted that, when my son was a teen,  sometimes I felt like giving up.  And you know what helped me, a stranger gave me some encouraging words and some hope that things would get better. It was just what I needed at that time.  Here is a portion of one BMWK reader’s comment to that post…it’s lengthy…but heartfelt and very transparent:

“Don’t give up on your kids, but pray for them more than anything. I had struggles….I mean…I could write a book about my struggles with my teenager. And we were a blended family so that only added to the drama. On top of that, my kid was a runner….meaning…he ran to everyone for help…family, friends, church members, etc. So, we had everyone in our business….accusing, judging…oh it was HORRIBLE!!! He has stayed with any and everyone that knew our family well. Relationships were destroyed – life was horrible. But now, my son is almost 22….a totally different person. It took a very long time but I now see that the struggle…the tears….the sleepless nights….they paid off. He was listening. He just didn’t want to as a teen. For me, while I agree that you should never give up on your kids, I do think that sometimes we need to recognize that they simply aren’t going to listen or do what you say unless that is what THEY want to do. My son is now doing EXACTLY what I told him to do when he was failing in high school because now it’s HIS decision…not mine. It’s hard for me because I know that alot of people think that we had no structure in our home…that we had no rules…that we let our son do what he wanted and that is why he was so rebelious. That wasn’t the case at all. Our rules were simply ignored. And unless you have dealt with that, you don’t know what it’s like……”

We as parents need to encourage each other not judge each other.  The next time you see a parent struggling, how about an encouraging word.  You never know what it might mean to them.

Oh – and here is a wonderful post about judgmental parents that I found….enjoy!!

BMWK – let me know your thoughts on this.  Do you sometimes feel judged by other parents?

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 401 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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One thought on “Bad Kids Don’t Necessarily Equal Bad Parents

  1. MOMAGAIN@40

    Thank you for this!!! I absolutely agree with the statement “Bad kids don’t necessarily equal bad parents.” I am a birth mother of 3 sons and the mother of 5 boys total, we are a blended family. My oldest birth son was an excellent student and disciplined person in all places, who never gave me any problems. I raised he and my second son exactly the same but my second child did his thing a little differently. We are still in the teenage years and it truly looks like he has no structure or rules at home to the outside person. There are many rules and consequences but it doesn’t matter to him at this time. It brought tears to my eyes to read that “We as parents need to encourage each other not judge each other.” That really made me feel better because I am already judging myself harshly, feeling like I want to give up and it is very painful not to get encouragement from others but judgment. Thank you.

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