Can True Forgiveness Occur After Infidelity?

BY: - 11 Feb '13 | Marriage

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Ask a man or woman if they would stay if their spouse ever cheated and most often their immediate response would be “no.” For many couples infidelity is a deal breaker. A breach in trust is easily seen as grounds to end things and move on. However, for some couples the decision to stay and work to repair trust is made. But what role does forgiveness play in all of this?

Many of us claim to forgive our loved ones when they have hurt us but have we really? Is reminding your spouse of how they hurt you or constantly watching their every move a true reflection of forgiveness? An article by Clutch Magazine poses the question, “Can a man ever be forgiven for cheating?”

“I’m not talking about that one eye on you and the other on any woman you so much as bat an eyelash at type of forgiveness. I’m talking about whole-hearted you made a mistake and I understand forgiveness.”

For more on this visit Clutch Magazine.

BMWK — What do you think? Can true forgiveness occur after infidelity?

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21 WordPress comments on “Can True Forgiveness Occur After Infidelity?

  1. anonymousMe

    Yes. My wife had a brief affair a little more than a year ago and, though it has been an extremely difficult struggle at times (even recently), I still love her and stand by my promise “till death do us part.”. If I am to emulate Christ then I must find it in my heart to forgive her of her sins as He has forgiven me of my own, and as I would hope she would as well. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Is it possible? Through Him, all things are possible. Any time “wouldn’t it be easier to just let her go?” came into my mind I would remind myself that God could drop me at any time, with complete justification, but He doesn’t because of His incredible and unending love.

    Reply
    1. Lamar Tyler

      Thanks for sharing your reality. I commend you for taking the stance that you have and pray for full restoration in your marriage. Not sure if you’ve seen our latest film Still Standing but in the film Speech and Yolanda were able to not only move past infidelity but create an even stronger bond.

      Reply
  2. Adriane

    My husband cheated two years ago and everyday is a struggle. You can forgive but it still takes awhile for the trust to return. I still find myself checking his facebook and email accounts. He says he’s committed to me and our family and he hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him. Any suggestions?

    Reply
    1. Niambi

      Hello Adriane! I’m sorry that this has happened to you. It takes time for trust to be rebuilt. But it sounds like you need to heal. Give this over to God. Put your marriage in His hands and let him help you through this. God can heal your heart and help you to move forward pass this. Take care and God bless you!

      Reply
  3. Anonymous

    This is my take. If you have decided to stay with this person rebuild that trust and stop dwelling on the past. Either you choose to forgive or end it. Since you obviously chose to stay, you must now choose to forgive and move forward. Stop checking his stuff, unless you do so in his presence, because if he finds out, then you will have problems. He will feel like you are against him and the relationship. Do you want that?

    Reply
  4. T

    What a hard question, it obviously varies by person. For me, my husband knows how painful and hurtful it was for me to grow up watching my father cheat, disrespecting my mother and the girl children he was entrusted to love and nurture. If my husband decided to not only spend a little too much time with another woman, but to spend a little too much time alone with another woman, a little too much time alone and getting close with another woman, etc. it would be too much for me to accept. I admire those who are able to forgive and move on, but the idea of saving yourself for your spouse to me extends beyond waiting until marriage to engage in physical intimacy, it means continuing to value and hold sacred your sexuality and the opportunity to share that part of yourself with your spouse. If he, my husband, knowing my history, loving me (and our children) decides to cheat then I think I’d be devastated and compelled to move on, because my marriage is one of my only safe spaces in this world, and if I can’t let myself be vulnerable and taken care of there, then I’m at a loss.

    Reply
  5. Bre C.

    I agree that it varies from person to person but when people talk about forgiveness after infidelity they make it seem like it is an overnight process and that once forgiveness is given that all should be given. In my situation I granted forgiveness to my husband for his indiscretion and to me what that meant is that I loved him enough to work on me to get to a place that forgiveness was complete and I was going to need his help in the process. For something so great it is not easy to just forgive and move on. In this situation I think forgiveness means that we are willing to do the work to improve on us. Emphasis on the word WORK!

    Reply
  6. Tyvianc

    To be honest I have cheated on my wife, but I still believe she hasn’t forgiven me because she still throws it up in my face. It’s frustrating at times and it’s enough to make me want to simply divorce her as well. It’s not easy living in the world that we live in, but I atoned for my mistakes and still feel like I can’t be trusted. I still have a lot of love left to give and for someone to truly forgive means just that….including not bringing it up no more!!!!!

    Reply
  7. Niambi

    It is important to forgive. And while I hear people saying u just need to move on, you must realize that the person needs time to heal. Trust also takes time to rebuild. The one who committed adultery must first repent and ask for forgiveness from God and their spouse for breaking their vows. Counseling is also something that may need to be done. They must get to the root cause as to why the person cheated. The issue must be fixed but both persons have to be willing to committ to the effort of moving forward. The person who committed adultery must also change their ways and be willing to put in the effort needed to rebuild trust. They must also give their spouse time to heal. This is not a microwave situation so if the adulterer really loves their spouse, they will do whatever it takes to restore their trust and marriage. The spouse who has been hurt needs to forgive and try their best to move forward past the issue. This can be done and marriages can be restored if both parties are committed to eachother.

    Reply
  8. Niambi

    Hello Lamar and Ronnie! I am going to watch Still Standing with my hubby tonight. I saw your other documentaries Happily Ever After and He Saved Me. They were awesome and powerful! I am excited to see Still Standing. I know it will be great!

    Reply
  9. Lucy

    We can all say what we will do but until your faced with that situation is easy said than done. I choose to forgive but it was not easy.

    Reply
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  11. Anonymous

    My spouse was involved in a sexting affair and while alot of people don’t consider this to be “cheating”, I do. It was hurtful when I found out. It’s been almost three years and every now and then, that hurtful feeling returns. My husband was extremely remorseful in the beginning. Our issues come about when I bring it up…I admit…I was so hurt that I became obsessed with the whole thing….question after question….for a very long time. For him, he wanted to forget about what he called “the worst and most shameful thing I have ever done…” So, eventually, he became angry with my repeated questions and asked me not to bring it up to him anymore. He gave me all of the passwords to his email, FB and I know that he will purposely ask me to “see that was” when his phone goes off. So, he’s really being great about things, but like anyone else, I know my issues are getting old. Obviously, I chose to forgive. I know he didn’t want that person..it was a silly and selfish decision that he made, but it wasn’t worth my marriage. Once the pain subsided a bit, we were able to go to counseling and realize how/why it happened. I don’t take the blame for his poor decision, BUT I was able to understand that there were some issues in our marriage that couldn’t be overlooked, which is probably why it happened in the first place. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it made our bond stronger. But, if it were to ever happen again…in any form…I’m out. Seriously…..

    Reply
  12. Anna Mae

    My spouse physically and I guess I emotionally cheated. However, he lied, and lied and lied about sooooo manyt things. There’s no way in hell that there is even a slight chance of reconcilliation at this point…

    Reply
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