Have Your Children Interrupted Your Marriage?

BY: - 25 Feb '13 | Marriage

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I hold many titles in my life; daughter, sister, friend, spouse, employee, and mother. Each of these roles carry a different level of responsibility. There might be serious consequences if I neglect either one. But for me, none of those other headings mattered as much the moment I became a mother.

Anyone who has been blessed by parenthood knows the event is like no other. Nothing else compares to the degree of love you feel. My journey to motherhood was nothing I ever experienced before. As a result, I placed a lot of focus and energy into being a mom. This was the one job I didn’t want to get wrong. Normally when one area becomes the priority everything else takes a back seat. This happened in my marriage.

Unfortunately, most married couples encounter this challenge after they become parents. It makes sense. Children can’t raise themselves. They rely solely on us to provide for them. Meanwhile, we let the other adult in our relationship fend for themselves. We assume they understand and feel the same way we do in terms of being a parent. But the needs our spouse had before children haven’t disappeared. And sometimes they have some of the same requests our children have.

Just like our babies, our spouses crave attention. They want to be listened to and believe they matter to us. When they share how they feel or what happened during their day it is our job to provide our undivided attention.

Making time for our children reinforces the idea that they are important. We are creating memories that will remain with them for a lifetime. It is imperative our children never feel neglected. Again, same is true for our mates. They also desire special quality time. Making sure time is carved out exclusively for our mate is necessary. In order to do this we sometimes have to ask for help whenever we feel overwhelmed.

Simply saying how much we love our children isn’t as effective as showing them. Frequent hugs and kisses reassures our little ones of just how much they are loved. Affection is also important to our spouses. Even when we get busy raising our families, staying connected as husband and wife is critical.

We are responsible for providing our children with love, guidance, and support. Just as we chose to be parents and were aware of the obligations that came along with the title, we also chose to be a spouse. There are certain duties we can’t neglect. Yes, children change the dynamic of a relationship but they shouldn’t interrupt our marriage. It is each partner’s responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. We must balance parenthood while maintaining a healthy love life.

BMWK — Have your children interrupted your marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 355 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com

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7 WordPress comments on “Have Your Children Interrupted Your Marriage?

  1. Derene

    This is such a hard thing to get a handle of once it’s out of control. Note to newlyweds: Make a conscious decision to always put each other on the top of the priority list!

    Reply
  2. Pingback: Does Your Spouse Come First in Your Marriage? | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  3. Brandi

    Ok I agree with your statement but, what if you have a spouse that does not lend a helping hand. He wants you to take care of the kids and him plus clean and work a full time job… Remember no help just showing all love… What is a girl to do

    Reply
    1. Tiya

      Brandi,
      I know that can be very frustrating. Is your spouse aware of what you need? If not, it’s time to have a conversation and ask for help.

      Reply
  4. Naomi

    Great article! I wrote a response on my blog on marriage after kids. Have you heard of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? It’s a modality that states romantic partners bond in the same way that babies and parents do, with emotional dependence. Your observations are spot on!

    Reply
    1. Tiya

      Naomi,
      I loved your article and thank you. I am not familiar with EFT, but would love to learn more. I loved the fresh ideas, especially creating daily rituals. Not many couples realize how impactful that could be and wouldn’t take too much time or effort. Thanks again!

      Reply
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