BMWK on HLN: Does Your Spouse Come Before Your Kids?

Comments (27)

1. 

   Ayize Saturday - 02 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   Just peeped the segment....Great job yall!!!!
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     Lamar @ BMWK Sunday - 03 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     Thanks Ayize!
2. 

   Mrs. Jones Saturday - 02 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   I would never put my husband before my kids. Men come and go, but the word of God and your children will always be there. I've seen so many women do this , and in the end, the man always cheated or left her. Sorry I'm sticking with my kids and God to the end !!!!!!
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     Anna Saturday - 02 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     I heard what G. Rancic said. I know I'm going to get slack for this, but, does her husband come first because she was unable to carry her own child, & didn't get the bond of pregnancy? She said her husband was her first baby. That is fine what she said, but most women do make their child, their main priority. That is why we hire a babysitter to have date nights w/our husbands. We do feel guilty, that we don't spend as much time together pre kids. Kids do grow up though. Then, we spend time on the Grands. LOL.
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     nikia Sunday - 03 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     I agree.
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     Lamar @ BMWK Sunday - 03 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     But the word of God says God first, spouse second, child third. And if your thoughts are that your husband will eventually cheat or leave why get married in the first place?
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       Niambi Sunday - 03 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       Hello Lamar. I agree with you. That's what the word says and Guiliana is right, how else can you be a positive example for your child unless they can see a stable, loving marriage first. The marriage sets the foundation and really the tone for the kind of household and life that you would like your children to have. Putting your spouse first doesn't mean that you neglect your children. It simply means giving honor to them and when you honor your spouse first God will then honor and bless your marriage.
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       stephanieb Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       My thoughts exactly Lamar, and great interview that you and Ronnie did! I think that is one of the main reasons why so many marriages fail, because often times it's too much about the kids, and the relationship suffers because of it. Some women are completely focused on the kids, and even when they have good husbands, they spent very little time with them and don't bother to try and nuture the relationship. It's all about themselves and the kids. Marriage was not set up that way; when the word says that two becomes one, I don't recall kids being included in that.
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       Anonymous Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       I totally agree! God, spouse, child! U have to have faith that your marriage will survive!!!
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       Ms Kee Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       I agree 100% and we have 5 kids before the kids make their plates they will ask me MOM DID U FIX DAD PLATE YET. I am not concerned about my husband cheating at all. I refuse to live like that we share everything from pin numbers and e-mails and this was natural. We started our marriage like this he is my best friend and I am his. Yes this is what GOD word says GOD FIRST, SPOUSE SECOND AND CHILDREN THIRD that doesn't mean your neglecting your children. GREAT JOB GUYS
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       Anonymous Wednesday - 06 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       Lamar, that was a great point. I've been married for 6 years and as a result of me not putting my marriage 2nd, we've suffered. Now that I've gotten closer to God and Godly people I realize the order and now our marriage is on the turnaround.
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       Mrs. Jones Sunday - 24 / 03 / 2013 Reply

       @Lamar To understand my point, you must live a little bit longer, and since you're still very young, you don't see it yet and also you're a man who has no concept of what it is to carry a child for nine months, my job is pray, protect, and raise the child God has given to me. As the old folks say - keep on living baby and things will become very clear. Let's talk in about 25 more years and most of the people who have commented on this post about putting a man before their kids (which the majority is mostly women- go figure that) and see if their response is still the same. The results will surprise you!
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         Lamar @ BMWK Sunday - 24 / 03 / 2013 Reply

         My opinons are not based solely on my experiences regardless of how young I am but on the thousands of couples that we speak to that are married, have been married (including those in the 50+ club) and many who have been divorced (after those kids who they put first have left the nest.) You dismiss my knowledge on the subject because I've never carried a child then dismiss the majority of commenters as well who are mostly women - go figure. It just doesn't make sense. With your perspective why get married at all? It's not a requirement to marry before having kids as we can see all around us. Why not just get pregnant so it can be woman and child? And I raised the question before that if your thoughts are that your husband will eventually cheat or leave why get married in the first place? I think that's a valid question based on your comment so I'm eagerly anticipating an answer.
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     Anonymous Monday - 11 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     Mrs. Jones I agree with you completely. No one but God comes before my children.
3. 

   Novia Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   I agree that you should nurture your relationship with your spouse first and foremost. I've been married to an incredible man for 11 years. We married young and started a family almost immediately. Once I became a mother, I made the mistake of neglecting my marriage and placing all my nurturing into rearing our children. Thank God I had a patient husband who stood by my side through it all. It took several years, but I finally realized that our marriage had to come first. Five wonderful kids later, our foundation is stronger than ever. Our kids are happy and so are we!
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     stephanieb Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     Great comment Novia, I hope to have a relationship like that one day : )
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     Lamar Tyler Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     Thank you for sharing Novia
4. 

   Val Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   Novia. You just inspired me to look forward to a better future. Thank you!
5. 

   Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. Monday - 04 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   Great job Lamar & Ronnie! A marriage is the foundation of the family. If the foundation is weak, then the family will be weak. Healthier families and healthier kids come from building a solid foundation. If kids come first then that foundation is weak and will fall one day. And the Daddy's money shoes...I don't even think I need to comment...they can't be serious with that.
6. 

   Dolly Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   A Can we explore this further with stepchildren t kgthat are as Adults or teens and for someone whose had multiple failed marriages
7. 

   DStevens Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   When you've had the experience Of men cheatingon you even childrensfather whom you were married to, it's very hard to ever put anyone else before your children. To then have that reoccur with a new husband ????
8. 

   Regina Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   I am completely with you! God 1st, Spouse 2nd and children 3rd. The bible wouldn't have ordered this way if it was the way God intended it to be. Thanks for standing by the Word! www.godly-wifey.blogspot.com
9. 

   Sarah Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

   I agree that the marriage should come first.... Do you have any advice on handling this in blended families? When one or both come into a marriage with children already, I think this is an even bigger struggle and debate. What tools/references would you suggest to help with this? Because I think marriage should still come first even in a blended situation -- but it hasn't been easy getting potential mates to see things the same way.
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     Lamar Tyler Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

     Sarah we're actually in production now for our a film that deals with blended families and that is one of the topics. Please stay plugged in to us for more details in the upcoming months.
10. 

    Deborah & Jerome Tuesday - 05 / 03 / 2013 Reply

    WE ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Your marriage has to come before your children. We believe people may have a challenge with this partially because it sounds harsh. Yet, it is actually very healthy for the children and the marriage.
11. 

    Mrs. Jones Saturday - 13 / 04 / 2013 Reply

    @Lamar, let me ask you this before I respond to your entire post. When you did the study on these married couples, were they in the same room, or did you separate them. Or, was this a questionnaire that was filled out in separate rooms? Also, I got married for the same reasons that others got married, ”for companionship”. And as far as having children out of wedlock, that’s completely unacceptable to bring a child into this world without a solid family unit, there are enough “baby mama’s/baby daddy’s in this world, that’s the major problem with the black family today, but that’s another conversation, for another time. But I will stand by my beliefs as far as my children coming first in my life, because of what “I have seen over the years”, as I stated before, I’ve seen many situations like this fall apart as soon as the kids became adults, and the women were left devastated because they put a man before their children, and thought they would be together forever, only to be left when the last child graduated from high school and due to the fact that the men knew they didn’t have to pay the woman child support, once the child became a certain age. I know “plenty” of married men in my family state this reason for staying with these women because of child support reason, and these women really think these men love them and will be with them forever, and yes, all these women put their husband before their kids. Therefore, to give myself peace of mind, I will always put “God and my children” before my husband, point blank.

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