It seems that no matter how long you have been married, talking about each other’s family is still a tricky situation that should be handled delicately. And, should never be done while you are arguing. Rabbi Shmuley, a relationship expert that was often seen on the Oprah Show, says one way to fight fairly is to never bring your spouses family into an argument.
“Marriage is not about winning arguments it’s about winning the relationship…,” ”When couples fight dirty, they end up prolonging their pain and creating lasting wounds and rifts, he says. But when couples fight fairly, they actually build more understanding and intimacy.”
Rabbi Shmuley provides Eight Rules of Fighting Fairly:
You have probably heard most of those eight rules before, but it never hurts to have a refresher course on how to treat each other. I agree with the Rabbi when he says fighting fairly can lead to more understanding and intimacy as I have seen it work in my own marriage. Don’t get me wrong…every now and then we are guilty of fighting dirty with each other. (And don’t worry Mom and Mom-in-law…we have not resorted to talking about each other’s mother.. at least not yet …just kidding. ) It gives you a good feeling when you see that your partner is consciously trying to “fight fairly.” It’s like you have more respect and appreciation for each other. It does bring you closer together.
BMWK Family – can you provide additional tips on fighting fairly? Can your spouse talk about your family without starting an argument or is your family still off limits?