Why Is It So Hard to Say I’m Sorry?

BY: - 6 Jun '13 | Marriage

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Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry. And I’m not talking about a fake I’m sorry just to shut the person up.  But, a true to life, I’m actually really sorry. One Valentine’s Day, my wife and I got into this HUGE argument at The Cheesecake Factory about my spending habits and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was right…that is until I got home and checked the checkbook and I was completely wrong. I sat on the couch for a good 2 hours before I could muster enough energy to get up and go to apologize, even though I knew I was dead wrong. So what was my problem? Pride was my problem.

The definition of pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Wow…the sin from which ALL others arise. I’m here to let everyone know that there’s NO WAY that you can have a successful marriage, if you’re full of pride, because that’s going to stunt the growth of your marriage.

The funniest thing to me about saying I’m sorry is I’ve seen folk do literally EVERYTHING to try to say I’m sorry…without saying I’m sorry! Do you know how many times my wife and I were beefing and hours after not speaking, I walk in the room like “you want something from the store?” What I’m really saying is “I’m sorry” but since folk absolutely refuse to muster those words, me offering to get her something from the store is a peace offering that I want her to take as an apology. But at the end of the day, it’s not an apology.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2

There have also been SO many times that my wife and I were arguing and I felt like God was telling me to go upstairs to squash it… but 9 times outta 10, I didn’t. Then hours later, when I’m finally ready to apologize, now she’s looking straight, which in turn makes me even more angrier that I swallowed my pride (but I swallowed my pride when I wanted to, not when God told me to) and now she’s upset? Which just makes the anger and the argument last even longer than what it should have lasted.

About the author

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick

http://www.marriage-exposed.com/

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

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8 WordPress comments on “Why Is It So Hard to Say I’m Sorry?

  1. Gee James

    Peace. Nice article brother.

    I like the example of the ‘peace offering’… I think many of us are guilty of similar things and I like how you explained it and said it’s good but not good enough. I agree. Keeping our pride at bay definitely helps relationships stay positive and healthy.

    I’m surprised that you suggest that people give this half-built apology –> “I’m sorry if I offended you”

    It’s not something I support. Being wrong and being offensive is very different in my mind. What helped me with with apologies is knowing that to be offensive is very easy and we are offending someone almost all of the time. It’s not about being in the right, and most times when I look back … I would do things differently in life.

    I support apologizing as you say. Good stuff and keep up the insightful writing brother.

    Peace.
    Follow me! @CMediaUSA
    -Gee James

    Reply
  2. Gee James

    Peace and nice article brother.

    I like the example of the ‘peace offering’… I think many of us are guilty of similar things and I like how you explained it and said it’s good but not good enough. I agree. Keeping our pride at bay definitely helps relationships stay positive and healthy.

    I’m surprised that you suggest that people give this half-built apology –> “I’m sorry if I offended you”

    It’s not something I support. Being wrong and being offensive is very different in my mind. What helped me with with apologies is knowing that to be offensive is very easy and we are offending someone almost all of the time. It’s not about being in the right, and most times when I look back … I would do things differently in life.

    I support apologizing as you say. Good stuff and keep up the insightful writing brother.

    Peace.
    Follow me! @CMediaUSA
    -Gee James

    Reply
    1. Kil

      Gee,
      I wasn’t saying that saying “I’m sorry if I offended you” is a half built apology. I was saying that in life sometimes we say something that has offended someone and we don’t even know it. There have been plenty of times that I found out later on down the line that something I did 5 years ago hurt one of my closest friends. So when I said I’m sorry that offended you wasn’t a halfway apology at all. It was a true to heart apology, I guess the way I’m built is I don’t do half stuff…either I’m apologizing or not. So when I challenged the readers to do that it’s because I’m sure a lot of us have beef with people and in our mind it’s THEIR fault and in their mind it’s OUR fault. I guess I assumed that if you get the gist of the article it’s to stop being fake and be true to yourself and your loved ones. If folk get that then their shouldn’t be any more half apologies IMO.

      Reply
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