The Single Life: 6 Things Every Woman Should Know When Dating a Man With Children

BY: - 19 Jul '13 | Single

Share this article!

TNMFatherKids

I “met” Deesha Phillywaw through her book Co-parenting 101: Helping Your Kids Thrive in Two Households After Divorce. I wish I read her work before I became a co-parent. While dating men with children, I didn’t take into account certain things thoroughly discussed in the chapters of the book. For instance, I wasn’t used to being someone’s second priority and having to schedule dates around a custodial calendar. I also thought paying child support meant your child’s needs were met. I didn’t realize bills stretch far beyond a daycare’s door. I also didn’t have to budget and sacrifice for others, so I could easily drop dollars on designer bags, shoes and clothes–if I opted to spend the day at the shopping mall.

Now, that I’m on the other side of the fence and co-parenting the most terrific toddler you’ll ever meet, I want my experiences to positively impact singles dating someone with children. So yesterday, Deesha and I sat down to lunch–we ate our favorite Thai food and discussed our not so favorite topic–co-parenting through problems and over obstacles. I asked her what six things should women know when dating men with children. Here’s what she told me.

1. Don’t Take Every Word as Gold

If a man says, my child’s mother won’t let me see my kids, dig deeper, because while the family court system is broken, sometimes men say they aren’t allowed see their children when they haven’t sought parenting time through a judge. You don’t need an attorney to obtain custodial rights. A father can represent himself pro se and file a motion if he cannot work out an agreement with his ex. Ask yourself, is this man in his child’s life for not only the first day of school and graduation but all the moments in between?

2. Don’t Let the Baby Mama be the Straw Man

If a man is unable to provide for a child financially, that’s not the child’s mother’s fault. If a man doesn’t try to visit his son/daughter, that’s not the child’s mother’s fault. It’s easy for someone to place blame on another person, especially if they are not getting along. Don’t date someone who isn’t providing financially for his children yet wines and dines you every night. I would have to ask if he is paying child support. Is there an unspoken agreement between the co-parents—don’t bother me about seeing your child, and I won’t bother you about paying child support? You must decide if you want to date someone who makes that kind of trade off. Is the man constantly speaking ill about his ex? That’s not who the baby’s mother is—that’s who he is. Even if he thinks negative those things, it’s not nessceary that he has to vocalize everything all the time, especially if his children are in earshot. It’s difficult to do in many cases, but he should be civil. I’m friends with my ex-husband, but not everyone has a good relationship. Just make sure he is respectful in his interactions. What is your man’s character?

3. Don’t Set a Timer on Meeting the Children.

Don’t use the time you’ve been in a relationship as a measuring stick against meeting someone’s children. Look at the timeline from the child’s perspective. Just because you are in love doesn’t mean the kids are. When you think you’re ready, the children are probably ready a year from that. Someone can be serious about you, but they may not be ready to introduce you to their kids. Before you meet the children, ask yourself, are you ready to commit to being in this child’s life. When you do meet them in the beginning, make sure the interactions are short and brief. Go for ice cream or to the park. Plan an activity with a finite amount of time and with no pressure. Children shouldn’t be pressured to like or love someone, but they should be respectful. Don’t make meeting his children be the validation of your relationship.  Don’t put the burden on the kids.

About the author

Heather Hopson wrote 58 articles on this blog.

Not long ago, Heather Hopson was an award-winning television host in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's writing a different kind of story as a new mom. She gives readers the key to her diary and shares personal stories about single parenting, dating, transitioning to motherhood and her obsession with being what her family calls an "activity mom." The site features celebrity interviews, parent spotlights and confessional videos. Follow her journey through motherhood on Twitter @dearmomdiary.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

11 WordPress comments on “The Single Life: 6 Things Every Woman Should Know When Dating a Man With Children

  1. Pingback: Single and dating? 6 essential tips for dating a man with children | theGrio

  2. Pingback: dating for men  | Dating-Marriage-Relationships

  3. Pingback: There Is No JUSTIFIABLE Reason Why A Man Shouldn’t Pay CHILD SUPPORT (Part 1) [PODCAST] | Up 4 Discussion

  4. Pingback: Should A Father Pay CHILD SUPPORT? (Wanna Know Wednesday #4) | Up 4 Discussion

  5. facial plastic surgeon ohio

    In fact you will be fully awake for the entire process
    and can even view it in a mirror that will also be provided for you.
    However, apart from beauty purposes, nose jobs are also used to correct problems that
    might have occurred due to a misshapen nose, such as breathing.
    If you need 3 Laser – Lyte Peels then Phase 3 will not begin until 5-6 months.

    Visit my web blog: facial plastic surgeon ohio

    Reply
  6. repair water heater pompano beach hotels

    In the yellow pages, you will find a listing of disaster cleanup services who are professionals in minimizing
    the damage to your home. But you have to take note that
    you have to plant them at least a month before your scheduled move so that they will have more time to grow.
    Each jar is cleaned, melted down and reformed into three different snowflake patterns for the tree trimming.

    Feel free to surf to my web page; repair water heater pompano beach hotels

    Reply
  7. olympus moving and storage

    People to facilitate their services, flexibility
    and immediate availability that offer these services because of the use every day.
    And anyone reading these installments are now aware
    of how laid bare my life is becoming. You should ask relatives,
    colleagues, friends, neighbors or anyone in your surroundings.

    Here is my blog post … olympus moving and storage

    Reply
  8. Laser Capsulotomy Complications

    It is an unfortunate irony that many “nutritional” products people take to improve their appearance have the side effect of causing
    them to go bald. Coenzyme Q10 improves scalp circulation and
    raises the tissue oxygenation levels, thereby promoting hair regrowth.
    There are a number of lasers used to remove locks
    like Ruby aesthetic laser, Alexandrite laser, Pulsed diode array, Aragon aesthetic laser as well as Nd:YAG.

    Check out my blog post :: Laser Capsulotomy Complications

    Reply
Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>