Act Like A Wife, Think Like A Husband

BY: - 1 Aug '13 | Marriage

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Wives let’s be honest. There are a few truths we know about the men in our lives. I recently performed  a small-scale Facebook poll of wives in my circle asking them to share their husband’s dislikes. Here’s what I discovered:

Husbands could care less about all the extra details we put into our stories. They are bothered when we don’t allow them to finish their thought, when the house is disorganized,  and if we don’t stay true to our word. It also stresses our husbands when we are indecisive, don’t cook often or when we just have too much material stuff. And let’s not forget when we are running late or don’t think to call them, causing unnecessary worry. All of these are real and some occur in the majority of marriages.

Knowing these truths about our spouse doesn’t make a relationship any easier. The truths above are small dislikes from a husband’s perspective. Of course there are some dislikes that can cause great challenges to our marriage. Certain behaviors aren’t always as easy to identify and are harder to change than others. While we have to be mindful of our own position in the relationship, we must also be cognizant of what doesn’t benefit us as a couple.

An ideal marriage is one where each partner is in tune with the other’s needs, wants and desires. It works when a couple is able to step out of their own role and get into the mind of their counterpart. Being aware, knowing what leads to drama and what leads to peace is the cornerstone of any relationship.

In order to act like a wife but think like a husband, we must:

  • Be in tune with how our husband processes the information we share. He may not need every single detail of what happened during our day. Usually the overview is enough.
  • Not be judgmental of what our husband decides to communicate. Especially when we have a husband who doesn’t share often. We need to be all ears and create a safe environment conducive of communicating his way.
  • Allow them some “me time“. Just like wives, they need time for themselves. Smothering or being too needy could be a turnoff to some men.  Sometimes, believe it or not, they’d rather be home watching TV than going to your girl’s sunset barbecue.
  • Know what makes them jealous and ensure it never occurs in our marriage.

The main idea is to simply be aware and focused on our spouse. In order to maintain the level of peace needed for a healthy marriage, we must get in the minds of our men, as they should do with us. More effort, energy and honesty are all necessary when the goal is marriage victory.

BMWK, what are your thoughts on the idea of acting like a wife, thinking like a husband?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 369 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com

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8 WordPress comments on “Act Like A Wife, Think Like A Husband

  1. Heath

    “Be in tune with how our husband processes the information we share.” That’s on point. As one of these husbands, I am guilty of selective-listening…that which all relationship gurus discourage. But I have to because my wife goes into so much detail…sub-points…background historical explanations…that I loose focus – and eventually stop caring.

    Another point that you should have on the list is to ‘know how your husband makes decisions’. A lot of misunderstanding in communication and understanding of one’s intentions lies in the difference ways men and women make decisions. Because our sociological and cultural backgrounds are so different (that is, the way in which men interact with society vs. women), our perspectives, priorities, and triggers-to-action are completely different – and have their own logic. Understanding those logical differences…and how those differences influence our judgment and decision making… will really help women (my wife specifically) think like a husband. Once they get that down pat, it will take a lot of the guess-work out of understanding what and why we do the things we do. Then, acting like a wife will be much easier.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      And they should want…Showing their wife that they are GENUINELY INTERESTED and NOT because it’s OBLIGATORY goes a long way towards I believe in strengthening the marriage.

      Reply
  2. Cynthia

    This describes me more than my husband. I want to get straight to the point; whereas he has to go in depth. I hate indecisiveness and it takes him a long time to make a decision and stick with it. I never have ‘me time’ with 3 sons, a demanding full-time job, and of course my husband, but I make sure he gets his time.

    Reply
  3. Stacy

    So if this is true why didn’t I just stay single? Part of being married to to not be alone and share your life right? Or just bills?

    Reply
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