Clean Up What’s Inside of You, Before You Mess Up Your Marriage

BY: - 19 Aug '13 | Marriage

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“The things we buy to cover up what’s inside.” – Kanye West”

When Tee and I first got engaged she set out on a mission to clean up her credit. I was like “who cares about your credit?!?!” Now, years later I can understand why she was doing it, but at that time, the LAST thing on my mind was her credit. But her thing was, she didn’t want to come into this marriage with her credit messed up and then it would mess up our credit. Make sense right? And what Tee did with her credit, we all need to do. But not just with our credit and the issues on the surface ….  We gotta start going deeper and start cleaning up what’s inside of us so we don’t bring our messed up selves into our brand new marriage.

Now I know what I’m saying is easier said than done but it really needs to be done. A lot of marriages are failing because of the hoopla inside of us that we’ve never gotten rid of and both spouses are bringing it into their marriages and this stuff is killing us. A lot of people may not even know they have so many issues inside of them, some dating all the way back to childhood but come on ya’ll…we gotta start digging deep with what’s going on so we can start fixing us individually and then start fixing our marriages.

Now, I know the next question is “well Kil, how do we dig deep?” And my answer is a double jawn. The first thing you’ve got to do is pray and ask God to reveal your short comings to you as well as how to move past them. Secondly, go get some counseling! I know how black folk are about counseling but we need it ya’ll! Counseling has truly helped my marriage and helped me understand myself better. There were so many issues I had going on inside of me and I didn’t realize these issues weren’t only holding me back from growing but they were affecting my marriage in a negative way.

…as long as we don’t deal with these issues inside us, our marriages will continue to have to deal with the same issues.

For some reason folk don’t wanna look in the mirror and really look inside themselves and see how THEY may be the ones affecting their marriage in a negative way. But as long as we don’t deal with these issues inside us, our marriages will continue to have to deal with the same issues. And I truly don’t wanna be the reason why my marriage has any more issues then it needs!

BMWK – My challenge for the week? Let’s attempt to find a shortcoming within ourselves and start working on how to overcome it. And the key word is “start” working on how to overcome it. Cause if you can find a shortcoming AND overcome it in a week…you need to be writing this piece…not me.

About the author

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.


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5 WordPress comments on “Clean Up What’s Inside of You, Before You Mess Up Your Marriage


    Totally agree with this post. I have soooo many issues within myself that I have allowed it to ruin my marriage that is damaged and probable no returning. I realized that I have issues and recognize that I want to work on fixing them because I have children that will be affected if not already. I really want to get to the root of the issues which I believe does come from my childhood. Praying for better days and A better ME.

  2. Tiya

    Amen and Amen. Great article! Our personal challenges are always the culprit for how we behave in our relationship. When we don’t get that in check all hell breaks loose.

  3. Chaplain

    I can and do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment. Work on what you know you need to. The draw back or rather the pushback is that its not likely to happen. Why? Much of what we will need to work on cannot become apparent to us until we are married. The partner will expose you to you in a way that you cant, and vice versa. We will bring out the best of each other and we will bring out the worst in each other, and in time we will be the better for it. That’s the sanctifying nature marriage. It simply cannot be circumvented.


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