The Advice I’d Give My “Newlywed Self” About Marriage

BY: - 19 Aug '13 | Marriage

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My marriage is good. My husband and I try to be patient with one another. More often than not, we really listen to what the other is saying. We tend to choose our words cautiously when in disagreement and it typically doesn’t take us too long to accept responsibility. Of course, like most other couples, there are things we can always do better. But I have to admit I love where we are right now. My marriage didn’t always feel this good. I wasn’t at my absolute best in the early stages of my marriage. Basically, I had some maturing to do. I wasn’t all that sure of how to act like a grown up in a grown up relationship. It took me some time, but I finally got it. If I had the beginning of my marriage to do over again, I would sit my “newlywed self” down and impart the following pieces of advice:

God has to be the head of my marriage. While we both knew and had our own personal relationships with God, we didn’t seek Him often enough for our marriage. A marriage could fail if it isn’t spiritually connected.

Be prepared when the boyfriend/girlfriend feeling ends and the real relationship begins. The dating relationship is child’s play compared to what really happens in a marriage. My husband and I met when I was still in high school. So, I remember the dating, the phone calls and the excitement to be in each other’s company. It was easier then because we didn’t have any real responsibilities. Fast forward to getting married and living under the same roof; it was a different world. I wish I had known that this is a natural transition for any partnership. We’ll leave the fresh and new, but with any luck, still hold on tight to the exciting.

Spouses have to live, act and behave a certain way. Once you are in a committed relationship there are a few behaviors that can no longer exist in our lives. Actions like selfishness and a lack of support for your partner just will not fly in a marriage. Unions sometimes end over incidents like these.

There must be balance for the role of parent and spouse. My husband and I became parents a year before we got married. Getting a handle on the balancing act as early as possible was necessary. My mommy role took precedence over everything, and I thought this was as it should be. What I learned is that when I neglect my wife role, my mommy title is also affected. A healthy marriage, produces a healthy family. My children have to witness my putting forth the effort in creating a marriage full of love, peace and sacrifice.

I think if my marriage had begun with these principles in mind, my husband and I definitely would have experienced a smoother transition from the newlywed stage of marriage to where we are now. People learn from the mistakes of our past. The key is to promptly apply that knowledge and show up better.

BMWK, What advice would you give your “Newlywed Self” About Marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at


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3 WordPress comments on “The Advice I’d Give My “Newlywed Self” About Marriage

  1. Jeri

    “Young Lady, you are embarking on an exciting journey that will be full of excitement, joy, happiness, sorrow, trouble and challenges- it is called LIFE. But, if you remain steadfast in your commitment to Christ as the head of your life and the head of your marriage, you will allow Christ to lead your husband as you embrace the godly submission as talked about in Colossians 3. It is okay to have the natural emotions that will come with the ups and downs; the key is to remain steadfast in Christ. His perfect peace and joy will comfort you as you and your spouse navigate this journey that will be totally unique to you. Now go and live! God will keep you in your faithfulness to Him and to your marriage”.

  2. Aly

    What an incredible article! I am 7 months into my marriage, and the boyfriend-girlfriend stage has definitely ended. Fortunately though, someone warned us that would happen! Thank you for sharing :)


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