The Single Life: Three Ways to Be Comfortable in the Skin You’re In

BY: - 23 Aug '13 | Single

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Today, I headed to the coffee shop to write. I hoped the caffeine and the customers would produce a creative energy inside me. However, I couldn’t concentrate on blogging because of the couple sitting beside me. I’m not sure how long they dated, but the man seemed more into the woman than she was into him.  And I overhead (eavesdropped on) an uncomfortable conversation.

Don’t act like you never did! I strained to hear his words when a truck with a booming sound system passed by. I won’t repeat the intimate details, but let’s just say it overflowed with over-sharing. Perhaps she would have been more interested if he was less pressed. He came across as unsure, uncomfortable and insecure. I yearned to shout–stop acting thirsty, and drink your latte.

At first, I felt embarrassment for the woman. Then I felt embarrasement for the man. Then, I reminded myself that most singles, men and women, have been in his insecurity and impatient shoes before. I wore a size nine.

I’m no longer that person—never really fit into those shoes that squeezed, not my toes, but my soul. However, there were instances in my life when I walked in unassuredness. Those shoes matched the heart on my sleeve. When I took them off, I was more comfortable in my skin. Here’s why.

I saw flaws as beauty marks.

I’ve stretched the definition of beauty to include stretch marks, breakouts and bad hair days. I have days when I don’t feel pretty, but you know what’s funny? When I look back at pictures where I didn’t have freshly applied makeup or recently pressed hair, I look the same as in those pictures where I just came from the salon! There wasn’t a huge difference, even if I felt there was when I looked in the mirror. We often live by feeling… not fact.

Although you should be realistic about your weight and your health and work to be a better you, you, not another person or society, should define your beauty both inside and out.

 I no longer need compliments. 

Don’t get me wrong—I love when a man tells me that I look good, smell good and sound good. I appreciate when someone pays attention to the details—the new subtle scent sprayed behind my ears or the perfectly fitting dress I purchased after trying on five others at my favorite store.

I once dated a male model—it wasn’t really a rebound relationship, but it was the first relationship I entered after ending a serious one a year or so before. In the beginning, I felt special. I always thought I was pretty attractive, but my self-esteem was bruised when I fell into a relationship rut. So when I dated a man who was the face of a national campaign, his compliments created confidence. But it wasn’t long before I remembered that one person’s words shouldn’t have more weight than my own. I told myself that I was someone special. My words and my faith redeveloped my self-wroth.

 I look forward to dating myself. 

I am comfortable in my skin, so much so that I would rather date myself than another person on this weekend. Not every weekend, but every once in awhile. Walking back from the coffee shop, I smiled. I am happy for no particular reason. I enjoyed sipping a caramel capachino, eating Thai takeout and writing my musings, no matter how random they may be. I went to the park and wrote this story. On the bench beside me sat another couple. They were quiet and exchanged smiles and gestures. They didn’t have to say a word. Their confidence told me their story.

Hey BMWK Fam—How have you become comfortable in your skin?  When you feel a little insecure, what helps you remember your worth?

About the author

Heather Hopson

Not long ago, Heather Hopson was an award-winning television host in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's writing a different kind of story as a new mom. She gives readers the key to her diary and shares personal stories about single parenting, dating, transitioning to motherhood and her obsession with being what her family calls an "activity mom." The site features celebrity interviews, parent spotlights and confessional videos. Follow her journey through motherhood on Twitter @dearmomdiary.


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3 WordPress comments on “The Single Life: Three Ways to Be Comfortable in the Skin You’re In

  1. Tanisha Brookter

    This may sound a little cliche-ish, however; when I have moments of “insecurity” I am then reminded at that very moment that I haven’t been meditating on God’s word like I should. When I’m focused on and meditate & stay humbly connected spiritually, I can refute & move past that pesky negative self talk; but when I’ve put my spirituality 2nd to my daily regimen, then I entertain all sorts of foolish thoughts mentally. My spirituality keeps me grounded, focused on the positive & brings out Godly confidence/boldness.

  2. Jessica Jacob

    I wrote a letter to God today about insecurities. In it, I described to Him how the other day I saw a girl on TV crying about how insecure she felt about her acne and my heart ached for her. All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and assure her of God’s overwhelming love for her. I’m letting God heal me of insecurities as we speak, and one of the things I always felt ugliest about was acne. My skin has been bad, then good, then bad, then good. I have scars from old acne that may never fade and I’ve even been as abusive to myself as taking pictures of all my flaws and comparing them. In my letter to God, I told Him how much I wanted to minister to that girl to let her know her beauty in God is so powerful that there is no spot or blemish in her. But then I felt convicted as I imagined she saw me talk about my own face and what I think is wrong with it. In essence, I told God: If it would hurt her to hear me say she’s beautiful, and then demean myself over the same flaws, then how much would it hurt me if I found out You didn’t mean any of the things You said about me being fearfully and wonderfully made? I realized that it’s not only important for me to practice what I preach for myself, but it’s also important for the people I will reach to see it also. As crazy as it sounds, thinking about that girl on that commercial is what keeps me from talking about myself and praising God for myself; I believe Him when He says I’m beautiful, and so when I tell the world that they are beautiful to, they will see it in my life as a single bride of Christ. (Sorry if I went off topic lol)

  3. Pingback: Nigerian Wedding: The Single Life- Three Ways to Be Comfortable in the Skin You’re In |

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