A few weeks back, we wrote a post about how difficult it is for people to say “I’m sorry” when they wronged their spouse or a person they are in a relationship with. But granting forgiveness can be just as difficult. How can you grant someone forgiveness when you are still soooo angry and hurt, when you want revenge, when you don’t want to be perceived as weak, and when you are afraid it will happen again? But when you hold on to that pain and anger, the only person it’s hurting is you. You can’t move on to healing. I recently heard author and speaker Dr. Scott Haltzman talk about “Apology and Forgiveness,” and he told us several things about forgiveness that could help couples move towards healing in their relationships:
Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
Forgiveness is a Choice
You can’t force a person to forgive you. Just because you are in a relationship with a person, they don’t owe you forgiveness. The choice to forgive is solely up to the person that is granting it.
Once you forgive, then it is a choice that you will have to make daily as you move toward healing. Quote by Martin Luther King Jr.
Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. - Wm. Paul Young
Forgiveness does not Rebuild Trust
Forgiveness does not rebuild trust. It opens the door to the possibility of rebuilding trust. In our movie, Still Standing, Speech Thomas (the front man for the Grammy Award-winning group Arrested Development) shares with us that it took time to rebuild trust with his wife after he confessed to infidelity in their marriage. He said rebuilding that trust was like rebuilding a home. He destroyed the foundation and he had to rebuild it brick by brick. Check out what Speech has to say here in the trailer. Quote by Wm. Paul Young.
To read the remaining tips on why forgiveness is so important, read: Hurting and Can’t Move On? 8 Things You Need to Know About Forgiveness
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