Thisi is a guest post courtesy of AverageBro. You can check AB out over at www.averagebro.com
So last night, after the wife and kids are knocked out, I find myself thumbing thru League Pass, and happen upon the Bulls/Heat game which is strangely in 2OT. I don’t particularly care for either team, but I don’t think it’s humanly possible to turn away from the final minute of a tightly contested NBA game. With the game tied and less than 15 seconds remaining, the Bulls are going for the game-winner, and one of the most amazing plays I’ve ever seen in my life transpires.
That is just friggin’ amazing! Only a select handful of players could pull something like that off, and last night Dwyane Wade showed why he’s considered an MVP candidate.
As incredible as the play was, I just couldn’t bring myself to cheer for this guy though. Not because the Heat routinely torment the local NBA team I used to cheer for. Mainly because just a few weeks ago, Wade filed for divorce from his wife of many years and in return, she went public with some very salacious details of his extramarital activities.
Just to refresh your memory.
Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade recently filed for divorce from wife Siohvaughn, his high school sweetheart. In legal papers, she alleges he abandoned his children, committed adultery, and infected her with an unspecified sexually transmitted disease. She wants the names of ”all of his sexual partners” during their six-year marriage.
He and Siohvaughn, 27, have two boys, Zaire, a first-grader who will be 7 next month, and Zion, 1. Siohvaughn moved back to Chicago with the kids last year.
The All-Star has been romantically linked to actress Gabrielle Union, 36, once married to former Jacksonville Jaguar Chris Howard.
From Siohvaughn’s pleading: “Dwyane has dissipated substantial sums of marital property including . . . buying his mother a $2 million church; placing substantial sums of money in an account with another woman; providing numerous friends and family members with unfettered access to accounts with hundreds of thousands of dollars of marital funds from which they made substantial withdrawals . . .”
Meanwhile, she says, he cut her off financially.
Dwyane, named a ”Father of the Year” in 2007 by the National Father’s Day Committee, has gone ”months” without seeing his boys, Siohvaughn says. His ”failure to spend time with them . . . has resulted in the children at times being afraid of him; in fact, Zion . . . does not recognize or know Dwyane.” She wants sole custody, and support.
She also says she has suffered ”grievous physical, emotional and mental injury” from the STD, diagnosed in the fall of ’07. (The infection is not HIV or a ”killer thing,” sources say.) Dwyane and his ”paramour or paramours” are liable, she alleges.
In an extremely odd turn of events, since that original story broke, Wade’s ex has rescinded the STD allegation, and he’s subsequently filed lawsuit against her and her attorneys for talkin’ greasy.
Dwyane Wade sued his estranged wife and two of her lawyers Wednesday over accusations the Miami Heat star contracted a sexually transmitted disease through an extramarital affair.
In the lawsuit, a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press, Wade is seeking at least $50,000 in damages from each defendant.
Siohvaughn Wade said last month the player infected her with an unspecified disease in 2007. Weeks later, she withdrew the claim from the court hearing the divorce case for unknown reasons.
That wasn’t enough to satisfy the 2006 NBA finals MVP, who said her allegations not only defamed him, but caused “embarrassment” and “humiliation” along with damaging future earning potential.
“It has been difficult to see false allegations, rumors and gossip repeatedly discussed in public about my personal life,” Dwyane Wade said in a statement released to the AP. “I had no other choice but to file this action in order to clear my name.”
Dwyane Wade’s private life has been tabloid fodder for several months, a span that largely coincides with his split from his high school sweetheart.
A recent story in The Palm Beach Post, based on comments made by a former business partner of Dwyane Wade “” a person who’s filed suit against him, alleging breach of contract in a failed restaurant deal “” said Wade used a rented Miami apartment for sex parties and smoked marijuana.
Wade’s representatives denied that story, dismissing it as lies from someone seeking a payoff from the NBA star.
Again, with all the conflicting stories, it’s quite possible the truth lies somewhere in that murky gray area in between, but what’s true beyond certainty is that the squeaky clean “awww shucks” guy-next-door, local boy done-good image that Wade used to pedal everything from Converse to T-Mobile phones was definitely a facade.
[Editor’s Note: Between Wade and Barkley’s off-court problems, I gotta seriously ask: Who’s In Their 5?, besides a bunch of seedy lawyers and whorish jumpoffs?!?]
Getting to the point, I wonder if I’m justified in not being able to cheer for a guy of dubious character, and if so, does that make me wildly hypocritical?
Anyone who’s ever taken in the nightlife of a major city knows that many (not all) athletes and entertainers, married or not, are Super Hoes. NBA All-Star weekend looks like Freaknik. These guys have it thrown at them all day erry day, and lots of them partake. There are entire groupie websites devoted to chronicling married men of fame and their every off-court move. As fans, we tend to let this stuff slide until something goes public (ie: a rape allegation, a drug charge, an out-of-wedlock kid, non-payment of child support), and then it’s hard to pretend we don’t look at them the same anymore.
I’ve contended at several points in the past that athletes shouldn’t be “character” role models. It’s fine for a child to want to replicate their athletic achievements. I grew up wanting to be Magic Johnson. As a preteen, I had no idea of the Magic his Johnson was reeking on groupies nationwide, and I’m not so sure it would have made a difference if I did. After Chris Webber was run out of DC for his driving-while-blunted and dope and grope allegations (which were later proven to be false), I remember asking my mentee (who was 10 or 11 at the time) if he was disappointed. He said, “no, not as long as he can still dunk“. He then went on to say he’d be very disappointed if it was me busted for weed and a trumped-up rape charge, because he actually knew me.
That taught me one valuable lesson, kids are a lot smarter than you think. They too can tell the difference between what you do and who you are.
And this is why I feel kinda conflicted about Wade. Again, he isn’t raising my kids. He doesn’t play for a team I like. He isn’t giving my wife syphilis. He isn’t paying my bills. Why should I give a crap either, as long as he can still dunk?
But something about watching that guy jump on top of the scorers table flailing his arms, yelling “this is my house!” just seemed all kinds of wrong, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
Question: Are athletes role models for youth? Assuming they aren’t, do you find yourself somewhat conflicted about cheering for a person (athlete, entertainer, etc.) of dubious character? How much does character matter when all you care about is what the person does, not who the person is?
No. Why would anyone suggest athletes as role models? I went to college with many of these buffoons…and it is a complete joke to think that these men somehow morph into role models because they are in the NBA or NFL. There promiscuous activity starts in high school and accelerates throughout college, why would anything change? Many of these men don’t take their studies seriously, have nothing of educational or erudite value to the youth, it is absolutely crazy to believe this men are capable of being a role model.
I understand how you feel. You are exercising your personal choice not to support Dwayne Wade. More parents and ACTUAL role models should do this and not blame the media for certain issues that arise from too much negative exposure to children.
You also must realize that this is about big business. These companies know these guys are no angels but they make them brands anyway. It is up to the athlete to keep his nose clean and his business discreet. The minute they get drunk with money, freebies, groupies, and power is when they lose control and make career ending mistakes.
They are also human. Shooting a basketball in a hoop does not istantly turn you into role model material.
I’ll say the same thing here that I said on averagebro’s website:
First and foremost, money doesn’t make you…it only magnifies who you already are.
So to answer the question, if an athlete was not giving back to his community and engaging in responsible behavior PRIOR to going pro, what would make a person think that would happen once money and fame enter the picture?
Let’s take this to the political arena…Clinton was the first person I voted for when I turned 18. I looked up to him as the POTUS. As much as I respect the work he did while he was in office, the damage he did to the moral fabric of this country almost cancelled all the good out!
Like it or not, character DOES matter, whether it’s politics, pro sports or parenthood.
I’ll wrap up this loooong comment by quoting my father/mentor:
Never aspire to go to a place where your character cannot keep you.
All I am going to say is, just because you are an athlete, that doesn’t make you a role model. A role model is someone who is positive, and should be someone you personally know. I am the only role model my kids need.
and
I like Dewayne Wade as an athlete, he is my favorite player, next to Shaq ( I sure can pick’em can’t I). But I don’t know him personally, and really don’t care to.
It’s a shame that his marriage had to end like this, and my heart goes out to him and his ex wife.
ok one more thing. I do my best to be a role model for my kids, but there are some things about me, that I don’t want them to get from me, so I try to teach them to be better than I am.
I didn’t have role model and I turned out just fine, at least I belive so..lol
Average Bro:
For years I have been saying athletes are not role models. Yet and still there are people who worship these guys. Just check out some of the NBA threads at ESPN.com. There are guys who literally worship LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. People project themselves onto someone else they consider successful.
As a society we tend to make caricatures of athletes. We are often guilty of reducing them to something less than human. Remember when Kobe Bryant was the “bad†guy and Dwayne Wade was the “good” guy? It fits into our ridiculous need to vilify one person and heap praise on another. In reality they are both human just like any of us. They are trying to navigate a very delicate path.
Think about it like this. How many guys you know could have handled being ignorantly rich before the age of 25? How many of those guys could have completely walked the straight and narrow when there are droves of women waiting for them in every city they travel to. And we are not talking about “good looking” women. We are talking about drop dead gorgeous women.
The fact Wade married his high school sweetheart tells me his intentions were good. Maybe success simply brought more to his door than he could handle. I am not a superstar athlete. I do not understand the pressure and temptations that come with it. I take all this into account when I watch these guys play.
I still root for Wade and Kobe. LeBron’s image is not tarnished yet. But with the spotlight on him so bright it is only a matter of time. Even still, I’ll keep rooting for him, too. They are the three most dynamic players on the floor on any given night. And for me, its what on the floor that counts.
@ Harriet: I love that philosophy “money doesn’t make you….it only magnifies who you already are.”
I’ve seen the good money can bring out of people, as well as, the ridiculous selfishness that can exude from their pores. I personally avoided the jock types because unless I could run behind them with an STD home kit…yea no.
Role models…I would have to say that’s a negative. Am I conflicted i in cheering for them? No I’m not; because my expectations are simply in the job they do, not in their individual character. I don’t have high expectations in the character value of any athlete or actor, singer, politician or anyone in the public eye really.
CSs last blog post..Would You Befriend Yourself?
The problem is that the media sets people up to be role models wheather they or we want it or not. But I also think there are times when you accept that role by default.
When they’re in commercials what are they saying?…BE LIKE ME and drink/eat/wear/get this etc.
When the NBA sells jerseys with their names/numbers what are they saying?…You like my skills so be like me and where my clothes.
When they are on shows like ET or TMZ or in papers and magazines people are invited into their lives. THey are no longer JUST Athletes, movies stars, singers/rappers, they are role models…good or bad…by choice or not.
We as adults realize that skills do not determine character. But kids don’t always have the ability to pick apart character if there is a nice veneer or front. Its easy to discount flaws when you look up to someone and its a large possibility that the kids will not only pattern the skills etc. but also the bad behavior.
We understand that no one is perfect but everyone should strive for integrity. And realize that when you are in a public position (athlete, CEO, POTUS, rapper etc.) that you have even more responsibity to uphold a standard becuase you are in the spotlight.
Especially athletes/actors/singers because your job is to appeal to the public so that they will come to/view your games, buy/watch your movies, and buy your albums. So you have a responsibility to the public.
@Harriet
You said it right “Never aspire to go to a place where your character cannot keep you.”
Good athletes yes, role models no. A role model gets an education and marries his high school sweet heart not keep making her his baby mama(LeBron), she is good enough to shack up with and have kids but not good enough to wife. I know I am not my kids role model and I am fine with that. A normal kids first role model is their grandmother/grandfather. A kid may deem their parent(s) their Hero but their role model is usually a grandparent,(until your child gets older and really understands your struggles raising them and all the things they thought they may have put you through and have kids of their own I think the role model does turn back to their own parents.
They was a time they were role models. Those days are gone,( when everyone tried to keep them out of trouble to maintain thier image). Now the media , and society wait to see them fall. Anything happen its news. I argued with my wife, I had too much too drink, divorce, problems with their kids. Do anyone believe stardom allow these people a pass on LIFE. Remenber these are just men with extraodinary skills. This doesn’t require any special character traits. Just bring the fans to the show. Lets think about it. All these players are people too. They put thier pants on one leg at a time. Its our job as fathers, uncles, brothers, mothers, sisters to keep our kids grounded. Let them know stars have problems and how they recover makes a Hero.
That said think about this:
Dennis Rodman( family man in Detroit) playing ball. It didn’t cause any problems appear to be a good guy. Got paid pretty good went home. A change occurred(divorce), he became a REAL bad boy, colored his hair, put on wedding dress, and host of other things. Then came the big contract, a movie of his life, and commercials. This is confusing.
There is no monthly meeting of the National Council for Youth Role Models (NCYRM) to decide who is and isn’t fit for your kids to look up to. In fact, there is no council at all. Children, youth, teenagers, adults all decide who to emulate, based on their experiences, their environment, and their goals. Its the responsibility of the parents to highlight characteristics and attributes that describe the people they want their progeny to respect and hold in high esteem.
Role models are role models. We just have to make sure our children understand the importance of individuality and distinction. Leaders are those who stand apart, not those who blend in. Those are the “models” we want to play a role in our children’s lives.
LK
i understand all of your oppinons about athletes being role modles! i mean i am a mother as well and i don’t want my kids to grow up to be drug heads or alcaholics just because the person they looked up to did that kind of stuff! although that is a big deal i think that kids should still be able to look up to professional athletes because athletes encourage kids to get off the couch and get active with their lives!