Between my coaching, speaking and the launch of my new book (Teach Me How to Love), one thing is becoming very clear to me about dating, relationships and marriage. That one thing? It’s the dirty little secret(s) we need to stop hiding if we want to see our relationships succeed.
I believe the images we see about relationships have too many extremes; one is extremely romanticized and the other is extremely dysfunctional. It’s time we start getting real about marriage and relationships, so we have the proper perspective. And to help, here are 10 dirty little secrets that exist in even the best relationships.
1) Sometimes, you get on each other’s nerves
Yep, if you put two imperfect people together long enough eventually differences will ignite minor spats about minor things that might turn major. This doesn’t mean the relationship is bad, and as long as you have good communication skills, you’ll get through them without much strife.
2) Sometimes sex is the last thing on your mind
Yes, a man said it! Sometimes in real life where there are real responsibilities, sex gets pushed to the back burner. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means you have to become conscious about making it a priority again.
3) Sometimes the best moments are spent doing nothing
Just because a married couple embraces moments of nothingness, it doesn’t mean marriage is boring or the couple is headed for divorce. Sometimes between work, kids and life, couples embrace those moments of nothingness and a little sleep.
4) It won’t always be perfect
Any long-term relationship goes through seasons, some of extreme happiness, some of stress, some of transition and sometimes even sad moments. This is why you have a life PARTNER to get through things with. Life isn’t perfect and neither is marriage.
5) You get out what you put in
Just like your career or any worthwhile venture, you have to invest in it if you want it to grow. A good marriage doesn’t just happen, it’s nurtured and built
6) Men have feelings too
Ladies, you’ll find out in a long-term relationship after we take off the tough guy mask and expose ourselves; we have feelings too. Those feelings don’t make us soft or emotional, they make us human. It’s when we stop having those feelings that you should be concerned.
7) People and circumstances will test your bond
Your family, friends, co-workers, job situations and many other things will test the strength of your bond. If you let everything outside of your marriage dictate how you feel inside of your marriage, it won’t survive. Everyone won’t always support you, and life won’t always make things easy.
8) Love isn’t enough
Building a family and relationship needs love as a part of a strong foundation, but many other factors must exist as well. Loving each other is important but it isn’t enough.
9) Marriage isn’t for everyone
Marriage takes a lot of selflessness, sacrifice and serving, and that’s not for everyone. It takes a different mindset to bring two people together and build a family and work on the dynamics of that new family unit. It’s not a task that everyone is up for?and that’s okay. If you understand this about yourself, don’t take a leap into the pool of marriage.
10) It’s worth it!
There are so many positive things to enjoy in a healthy marriage that make even the realities of these dirty secrets worth it. The love, the support and the partnerships that come out of a great marriage are simply amazing. Even when a chapter or two aren’t great, it’s still a wonderful novel.
Those are just a few realities about marriage that we must not be ashamed to talk about. If we want marriages to thrive, we have to be willing to meet some of these things head on and make them speed bumps in our lives of love and not roadblocks.
BMWK, what are some other DLS (dirty little secrets) about marriage?