I think we have been lied to, hood-winked, and bamboozled and somebody must do something about it! Somebody had the audacity to tell us when we were growing up that all we had to do was study hard, get a good job, and make money and that would get us the American dream of a loving spouse, car, house, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. What they didn’t teach us was that in order to KEEP that American dream we needed to learn how to be husbands and wives also.
Women are taught to be independent women, but not how to be wives and mothers. And men are taught how to be providers, but not how to be husbands and fathers. Somewhere along the way, it was supposed to just “click.” But we didn’t realize that being successful in school and a career require a completely different set of skills than being in a relationship. Here are a few tips to help bridge the gap!
- Your accolades at work and school are self-serving. Being in a relationship is about serving someone else.
- Being the BOSS in your career doesn’t make you the BOSS of your relationship, and your MASTERS degree doesn’t make you a MASTER of your mate. Marriage is a partnership not dictatorship.
- The same amount of time & effort you invest in your career must be invested into your mate and family as well.
- Your career won’t always be the priority…. your mate and family need to be as well, and may sometimes trump that career.
- Ladies even if you have to be hard and aggressive and assertive at work, your man needs you to be soft, nurturing and supportive at home. Be his place of peace not war.
PAUSE! Who has ever had this conversation?
Her: You’re never around and the family and I always come in second place!
Him: I don’t know what you want me to do…you should appreciate the fact that I wake up and work hard every day to provide for you.
Moral: As men, providing financially is only a small portion of what it takes to maintain that “American Dream.” Providing security and emotional and mental support are also part of being a husband.
- Your successes in your career don’t make up for your failures at home.
- Your manager doesn’t live with you, your supervisor doesn’t sex you, and your CEO doesn’t cook or clean for you…. so leave your frustration with them AT WORK! Don’t take your anger out on your mate.
- Your children value your time way more than your money.
- The people at work love being with you when you can do something for them, the people at home just love being with you period.
- The same way you protect the “brand” and image of your company… you should protect the brand of your family. Every decision you make represents them as well.
PAUSE! Who has heard this conversation?
Her: I work just as hard as you do and I’m bringing in most of the money to this household so I don’t have time to come home to cook and clean and take care of the kids and have sex with you at the drop of a dime.
Him: Well I’m trying just as hard as you are and I thought that’s what wives do.
Moral: Your career might be about competition and who does more, but your marriage is about teamwork and how you can compromise to keep the household running and each other happy.
The skills and mindset you used to become successful in your education and your career are great skills, but when you decide to be in a relationship or marriage you may just need to go back to school. Having a Masters in business won’t help you if you make F’s in communication skills at home. Being a CEO at your company won’t help you if you have no training in compromise. Making six figures wont help you if you are bankrupt in the service of others department. Being a leader in your company won’t help if you can’t lead by example in your household. The change in mindset will be the difference between having the American dream or the American nightmare!
BMWK Fam: How do we let our careers sometimes stand in the way of our happiness?