Chances are, some of your angriest moments have probably been with your spouse. No one can push our buttons or feed into our triggers more than the ones we love the most.
When we find ourselves in disagreements with our partners we can sometimes lose sight of a few things. The anger takes over and we forget, in that moment, how to be loving, gentle, attentive and concerned more about our spouse’s needs than our own.
However, there are ways to disagree that won’t cause a crack in our marriage foundation. If we were to be just a little more mindful in those moments and consider these 10 options, the communication and how we manage our anger will completely transform our relationships for the better.
When you find yourself fighting to be heard and understood in your marriage, and just angry overall with your spouse, remember these ideas:
- You love him/her. The love doesn’t disappear because you’re upset. Keep that in mind.
- This won’t be the last time they make you angry. You’ll disagree again and you better be prepared.
- You still have to be an adult. You must handle your frustration as a mature adult, without pouting, shouting or pointing fingers.
- You may have to say sorry, whether or not you were to blame. There will be something you can take ownership of that has led to the disagreement.
- You will have to talk about it. Shutting down doesn’t always work; you may have to discuss the challenge even though you are pissed off.
- You will have to forgive, eventually. Your marriage will not work without your ability to forgive.
- You will have to let your spouse know exactly what you need to move forward. If it’s an apology, don’t be surprised if you have to ask for it. Your partner may not think they did anything wrong. It will be your responsibility to break it down, explain why it bothers you, and ask for what you need.
- You will have to listen and consider an opinion that differs from your own. Your spouse’s thoughts matter just like yours. Don’t forget that.
- You will have to consider how to manage disagreements even when things are good. Actually the best time to discuss challenges is when there aren’t any happening at the moment.
- Your responsibility in your marriage is making sure it’s the best marriage possible for your spouse. What you may have to consider is that it isn’t all about you.
The last time you disagreed with your spouse won’t be the last time you disagree with your spouse. Again, they have the power to make us angry. Unfortunately, sometimes they exercise that power and work it to their own advantage. But again, we have control over how we respond and react. How we manage that anger is going to matter for the long term health of our relationship.
BMWK, what are some things you think we should remember when we’re angry with our spouse?