It still takes a village to raise a child. Unfortunately, our villages appear to be getting smaller and smaller. Fewer adults seem to be concerned with the well being of young people, if they don’t belong to them. It’s easy to judge and not take action. I know, I am sometimes guilty of this as well. It is heartbreaking and disturbing to see barbaric videos posted on social media of our children fighting and demonstrating behaviors that not only jeopardize their safety, but also their freedom and future.
A recent video of 5 African-American girls brutally beating another girl in a McDonalds, while witnesses observed and failed to take action, reminded me of just how much guidance our teens lack. They are angry, misguided and need direction. It’s so easy to label them and wash our hands, but they need responsible adults in their lives more than ever. It is imperative that they are taught how to become responsible and respectful young men and women. An understanding that there are consequences for violent and negative behavior as well as rewards for hard work and effort, must be taught. Our mission, as leaders, is to eliminate this combative and misogynistic mentality.
My husband and I are raising two daughters, one already a teen, and the other arriving there far too quickly. I fear for their safety, but I constantly pray for the decisions they make now, that will lead them into adulthood. Here are 10 life lessons we must convey to our teens.
- God created you for a divine purpose. Our teens need a spiritual foundation and must be reminded they are children of God and have to behave accordingly.
- Conflict can be managed without getting physical. When feelings are hurt, they fight. When they feel disrespected, they fight. When they feel a little competition, they fight. When they are embarrassed, they fight. Our teens need to know how to disagree, practice the power of pausing and move on, in each of these situations. This is one of the greatest lessons we must teach.
- Believe you matter. Recently, we’ve marched and chanted “Black Lives Matter”, but in some homes, we’re failing to demonstrate that truth. Can you imagine if more teens recognized the power they actually possess and channeled it positively? If only they trusted their intellect, didn’t make excuses and surrounded themselves with people who build up instead of tear down.
- Be proud of your history. I wonder if our teens recognize the prominence of their heritage and what they are capable of, as a result. Or if they embrace their black history and picture themselves just as powerful as the leaders they’ve studied. Recognizing the debt of gratitude they owe to the memories of the men and women who led the way. If only they truly connected with that history and wore their black pride like the badge of honor it is.
- Treat others with respect and kindness. The golden rule must be drilled into the minds of our young people. Being taught to respect themselves and others is a basic lesson all teens must carry with them throughout this journey.
- Have courage and confidence. It’s important we teach our teens not be afraid to be who they are. Hiding their talents, not speaking up, and seeking opportunities is where some of our teens are struggling. They need to be taught to have a sense of boldness and believe in their potential.
- Be thirsty for knowledge. Reading, researching, listening and asking questions should be a constant. The message that must be taught is to always come from a place of “what will I learn today”. It’s important to remind our teens to never stop learning, and that lessons can be taught by anyone.
- Love yourselves completely. When our teens begin to love themselves they will be mindful of the company they keep and not allow themselves to be mistreated.
- Respect authority. There is a way to handle ourselves as citizens that will not jeopardize our safety. This is a lesson, as hard as it might be today, that we must teach our teens.
- Attract healthy relationships. This lesson also comes as a result of the adults in their lives demonstrating one. There has to be a greater sense of awareness placed on how, we as parents, communicate, react and manage conflict in our marriages, and the other relationships our children witness. How they show up in their own relationship, will have a lot to do with what they experience in the home.
We are failing as a community when we sit back, simply observe and do nothing. Our teens are crying out for help. They need to feel the type of tough love that challenges them to excel, value their lives and future. They need us.
BMWK, what other lessons do you think black teens must learn now?