You’ve finally found a babysitter to stay with the kids, so you can enjoy a night out with your boo. But during the car ride to the restaurant, you are checking your Facebook status updates instead of talking to your husband in the car. At the restaurant, they ask you to wait 15 minutes (despite your reservation) and your husband starts checking work emails while you both sit and wait in silence.
Has this ever happened to you?
Unfortunately, it’s becoming a reality for far too many couples. Our love for technology is interfering with our love for each other. Crazy, right?
According to a Today Show post, this new (and sad) phenomenon is called “phubbing” or phone snubbing. Yep. Every time your spouse ignores you because he or she would rather engage with a smart phone, you are being phubbed. Ouch!
And the saddest part is that it’s not just your spouse that’s getting phubbed. Many of us are doing it to our kids, too. Telling our kids to wait one second while we finish typing a text message. Stopping to share pics of family fun on Instagram, only to find that you are no longer a part of the fun because you are now strolling through your Instagram feed.
Sure, on the surface, it doesn’t seem all that harmful, but it is. Phubbing is a problem generations before us didn’t have to worry about, and it’s causing a lot more damage than we think.
Here are 10 ways that phubbing is hurting your family.
It creates distance in your marriage.
If you’d rather scroll through Instagram pics or look at what everyone on Facebook is up to instead of talking to your spouse, you are creating distance in your relationship, even if you don’t intend to. You should be using your time together to catch up on life, not scroll through emails or social media apps.
It stops you from being present.
It’s hard to be present with your family when you are constantly distracted by notification alerts on your phone. Whether you are using your device for business or for pleasure, when it constantly takes you away from the moment you’re in, it hurts you and your family.
It leaves you feeling unwanted.
If your spouse seems more interested in his or her phone than in having a conversation with you, it can leave you feeling disappointed and unwanted. And if you are the one distracted by the phone, you can make your spouse feel this way.
It contributes toward raising socially-awkward kids.
More and more kids are being raised with minimal social skills. Your kids need to see you talking and interacting with each other. They need to know what that looks like. If you are always on a device instead of engaging with your spouse, it shows your children that it’s normal behavior. And it robs them of learning how to effectively communicate with the people they love most.
It diminishes the quality of family time.
When work is done, family time should be quality time. That should mean no cells phones allowed. Your family needs to know that they are important enough for your to put your device away sometimes, so you can just hang out with them and enjoy true quality time.
It creates a culture of avoidance.
Although most people won’t admit it, smart phones are often used as an avoidance tactic. If you want a way out of an awkward conversation, just find something to do on your phone. The more engaged you look, the less likely you are to be interrupted. The problem is, whatever you’re avoiding never goes away. It just lingers. And I think we all know that lingering problems grow.
It sends your kids a negative message about communication.
Your kids need to know that you value the importance of communicating with them and with your spouse. Don’t raise kids that think texting on a smart phone is more important than picking up the phone and calling a friend in need. They need you to show them what healthy communication looks like.
It gives the devices in your home too much control.
Smart phone, tablets and other devices should not run things in your home. You should. If you feel like having a device in your hand is becoming a bad habit that you just can’t break, then take steps towards changing that habit before it damages your family life.
It fails to recognize the importance of setting boundaries.
Knowing when to put the phone down is all about setting boundaries, and setting clear boundaries is important in any family. If you are able to successfully set phone boundaries, everyone will be happier because of it.
It interferes with intimacy.
Nothing says, “I’m not interested” like having a glaring smart phone in the bed with you. There is a time and a place for your device, and maybe—just maybe—bedtime isn’t the right time and your bedroom isn’t the right place.
BMWK family, are you “phubbing” your spouse and your kids? What can you do to change that?