After a long Career at age 83, Ruby Dee has finally been nominated for an Oscar Nomination for her role in American Gangster. I am so happy for her and I wish that her late husband Ossie Davis could be here to share this with her.
They just seemed like the perfect couple to me which is why I thought of doing some research on them for black history month… for something like..famous African American Couples in History. Well it did not take long for me to find out that they had an open marriage. This was old news..but it was new news to me.
Ossie Davis has been quoted as saying:
“It occurred to us, from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it — that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished — as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. We had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved, and most of all, to the family. And for the most part, we were.”
Source: Joint biography, page 317
They said this arrangement freed them. They also said they would not recommend an open marriage for all couples. This revelation about them disappointed me. My idea of a successfully married couple is one that was able to get through the difficult times while still remaining faithful to each other. Actually, I take that back because I know some older couples that are still married after one of them was unfaithful..but they somehow worked through it and now have good marriages. But they did not give each other permission to cheat. (By the way Hubby…if you are reading this..it does not mean I would automatically take you back if you cheated..so don’t get excited 🙂 )
When I heard that they had an open marriage it made me feel so disappointed. It made me feel the same way when I found out Marion Jones was on steroids when she won all of those metals. It was like her accomplishment did not mean anything…she cheated.
I guess by now you have figured it out. I am not down with the open marriage. Sorry hubby..but don’t even think about it. We took vows before God and I know they did not include inviting other people into our bedrooms. It’s still adultery..even if you both agree to do it..right? Plus, for me personally I don’t think I could handle it…but maybe others can. Please let me know your position on open marriages.
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