Hi, i am a huge fan of the blog but i have a topic or a question. I am a 24 yr old single mother i work and i am a full time student.overall i think im a responsible well balanced young women but 3 yrs after my sons birth i am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that his father and i are no together..mind you i was the on who chose to leave the relationship after findingout about his MANY other women but we were high school sweethearts who everyone thought were the quintessential couple….anyways after we broke up i moved back in my parents to finish school (i am a bio major pursuing a career as an anestesiologist ..)andtook some time off to focus on school and my sons father and i get a long very well as friends now .( no baby daddy this and that ) and out of nowhere the man of my dreams fell( baack) into my life…the only real boyfriend i had before my sons father…who was competely in love with me throught our teenage years and who is such an amazing guy but as any teenager knows last guys finish last…except in this case we are back together and completely in love..he respects my situation which is huge given how much he loves me…i want so badly to forgive myself for making the mistakes i made but i know my son was not a mistake…if only i knew then what i kno now….basically my question is,as a single mother how do you prevent ur self from feeling like damaged goods…i know i have soo much to offer but i feel like having a child is considered baggage even though i think my son and i are a gift….how do i forgive myself….?
Dear reader…I was you…I am you. I was once a single mother in my twenties that found it hard to forgive myself for the poor decisions that I made. For not taking care of myself. For not making better decisions and acting wisely. Why did I choose to have a child with a man that obviously would not be a good father? Why did I do all of those things that disappointed my parents and that sometimes disrespected them. I carried around so much shame and guilt for my past behaviors for a long time.
Not forgiving yourself is definitely unhealthy and it prevents you from truly loving and respecting yourself the way you should. It could lead to depression, trust issues, anger and fear and insecurity for the future (because you don’t trust your own judgment.) It also does not allow you to let go of that past hurt or pain”...so you are carrying around that pain all of the time.
To forgive yourself you need to let go of the past hurt and pain. Accept that you are a human being that makes mistakes (just like everyone else.) And most importantly you have to truly know that God forgives you and embrace that fact.
One saying that always helps me is “what does not kill you, will only make you stronger.” I keep that in mind and use that as a tool for learning from my mistakes and growing from them. I accept the mistakes that I made, I choose not to make them again, and now I use what I know to make better decisions. You can’t keep beating yourself up over the mistakes you made in the past. Perhaps you made the best decision that you could make at that time or perhaps you were just being reckless. What really matters now is that you recognize the mistakes and now you can learn from them.
BMWK, what do you think? Do you have any words of encouragement to share?