Whooping Time!

BY: - 7 Jan '09 | Parenting

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I wasn’t beaten or abused as a child.   I can honestly say that I earned every whooping I got, fair and square!   Yet now that I’m a parent, I realize that I don’t have the market cornered on ensuring boundaries and proper discipline are instilled.

There are plenty of mothers I surround myself with that have this motherhood thing going like a well oiled machine.   One particular young lady is the same age as me, but she’s got three children under the age of 7. They are the smartest, most active kids I’ve ever met!   They love to play, they love to dance, they love to run, and she lets them do it all within boundaries.   She AMAZES me!

But let those little jokers cross the line…she has this LOOK that tells them they better get their acts together.   Strike one, baby.   Then, if they keep testing her, whether in the proximity or from a long distance, a hand comes out of nowhere and grabs them to pull them back in order.   Strike two.   Finally, after she has warned them with the look and the grabbing hand, strike three comes along.   She starts laughing, clapping and singing the happiest song you would ever hear…except the lyrics cause her children to attempt to bend time and space to go back in time to the point where they should have obeyed.

“[clap, clap] Whoopin’ TIME, whoopin’ TIME [clap, clap]”   Repeat 4 x, then commence with belt to butt percussion.

I have adopted this as my own tactic, and it works quite well.   I really like the fact that she just doesn’t haul off and smack her children or become unglued and out of control when it’s time to engage in corporal punishment.   A couple of good licks get them right back in line, then it’s back to playing within boundaries again for them.

What kind of disciplinary tactics do you use with your current children?   If you don’t have any children, what disciplinary creativity are you planning on using? What worked for you when you were growing up?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet is a hilariously joyful married woman who resides in northeast Louisiana with her husband who is a restaurant manager. She works for a local University and along with her husband is the proud parent of a 3 year old son and a 10 year old stepson (who lives in NC).

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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48 WordPress comments on “Whooping Time!

  1. King James

    Good morning… You weren’t beaten but got whoopings? What’s a whooping then?

    I call getting hit with a belt a whooping and a beaten…

    I got ’em when I was coming up. Belts.. shoes..extension cords.. switches. I can’t really say that I feel I would have grew up to be a criminal if it were not for them… but I wonder if many actions would have been different if it weren’t for the fear of the physical. Who knows.

    I have said that I would spank my lil people… and others too.. .but when it’s come up, I haven’t been able to. (as far as others’ kids)

    so who knows. I’m about talking though, so I’ll talk a kids head off about consequences…

  2. Harriet

    See, the extension cords, shoes, electric wire…that goes a little overboard.

    My definition of “beaten” is characterized by abusive behavior. My parents never took out their own frustrations on me. In fact, many times, they would tell me I was going to get a whooping, and then wait 5 or 10 minutes so their anger towards my actions would subside. They didn’t want to abuse me, they just wanted to discipline me.

    I can count on one hand how many times I’ve whooped someone else’s child beyond just tapping their hand and giving them a stern “NO!” My own child? A whooping is like a daily vitamin to him! He has to have one before he goes to bed, otherwise he feels incomplete. LOL

  3. Mothering Two

    Eh, I have hit my son out of sheer exhaustion and anger and whoa, did I ever feel awful for it. Thing is, I don’t feel any better if I’m all cool and collective about it, either. So, he’s four now, and after going through all the forms of discipline that I could, The Look and a warning of a time out does the trick. Sometimes, I’ll take away a toy. He hates time outs and hates having his toys taken away. I feel okay with this kind of discipline and it has been working for us (whew!). I am really against hitting my children because I don’t think it works and I’m concerned with him choosing to not do something because he is afraid of me instead of “knowing” the reason behind why he should choose differently. I focus on explaining why he went to time out or had his toy taken away then tell him the alternative behavior that would have been okay (like, don’t hit your sister when she snatches your toy, tell her “no, that is my toy Bella here is one you can play with” ect). He gets it. He rarely gets punished because typically I tell him the alternative choice to his misbehavior right after I tell him the consequences to the wrong behavior – giving him a warning. Its a lot of work, but here’s to hoping it helps in the future! My SIL is a heavy hand mama and her kids cower under her even when she’s not planning on hitting them. It makes me feel bad for the kids, to be so afraid of their mama. I know she loves em’ but there is def a line that can be crossed with too much hitting. I don’t freak out about corporal punishment when its done in a way that is fair to the kids, though. Like what you described your friend doing – giving warnings to the kids and having a swat be the final result of not listening. Just for me, I can’t carry out corporal punishment without feeling hellavah guilty about it.

    Mothering Twos last blog post..Yeah, I gots me a few… New Years Resolutions…

  4. LaKeysha

    I have no problem with corporal punishment I just think it should be one of many forms of punishment.
    The whole purpose of punishment is to teach kids right from wrong and that there are consequences for their actions. So it is important for them to not simply fear a whoopin (which may last a minute) but to understand that some actions have lasting reprocussions (being grounded for a month during the summer). Becuase lets face it, when a kid gets a certain age they are too old to be getting whoopings and instead of regretting their actions they resent the parent or just regret getting caught.

    The whole goal of discipline is to teach kids to think logically about their actions before they do them and be ready to accept the consequences thereof. And real-world consequences are not usually corporal (in America).

    I didn’t get “beatings” when I was young, as a matter of fact I was so sensitive that a stern lecture (usually with the bible open and mom explaining where I went wrong and havig me explain back to show I understood) was enough to make me cry and regret my actions. Though I did get a few whoopings it was never done in anger.

  5. Sherre

    Discipline is so very objective, yet it becomes subject by individuals. Every person is different from the youngest to the oldest. So, the measure, steps, and/or precautions you take with one may not be the same with another. Within the African American culture, as a result of a learned behavior for so many years, a “whooping” was subconsciously imbedded in us. As our former generations became more educated about “choices” then we became aware of other options. It is however, important to understand that not everyone is as educated as the next person. We all have to walk a different path in life, (which I believe is predestined by God).

    The best way to raise and discipline a child is with and through the help of God. I would agree that we should never discipline a child when we are angry – wait until we cool off or calm down. At that point we would have come up with a better form of punishment – one that would not cause us to feel bad, nor cause our children to loose respect for us.

    As a child, I receive “whooping” which I believe is no different than a “spanking”. I don’t think we should get caught up on a play on words so much. My mother did then what she knew how to do. Their are some many factors to consider when you try to understand an individual. As a child, I did not understand the stress my mother was going through, albeit, I felt it emotionally and sometimes occasionally. However, I really believed then and now that my mom “whooped” me because she loved me and she was doing her very best as a single parent of 5 children after leaving my father (an entirely different story).

    When I had my first child, I was determined not to spank him. a few times, I spanked his hands when he was 3 and 4. Once he turned 6, I gave him his first spanking on his bottom (because that’s the only place I believe that you should spank a child), however my belief is not what I am trying to persuade you of. He’s 19 years old now, and he may have received a dozen spanking thereafter since I implemented various disciplinary actions in my parenting practice. Some of them I regret, others I do not. I did what I felt was best at the time, and I refuse to beat myself up over it. Parenting is a on-going practice and unfortunately the only perfect parent is God. I would always go back to my son when I did punish him and explain why I did it, sometimes I would even apologize if in fact I did overreact. As a single parent, at the time, I was doing the best I could.

    With my youngest, things are definitely better. He’s seven! I learned a lot by raising my first child (yet I am not the perfect parent) however I still make mistakes and I communicate this to my children: “There is no perfect person, no perfect child, you will make mistakes, I only ask that you remember that there is no perfect parent and we also will make mistakes”. I believe more than anything, communication is necessary when parenting your children. This is not the same thing as allowing your children to make inappropriate or non-age appropriate decisions for themselves.

    I am not advocating for “whooping” or “spanking” a child, nor am I saying that it is wrong. There are degress of whooping/spankings and you know when you have breached the line of control – that is abuse. Otherwise, you are a parent trying to prepare your child for life, which can be good, even great, but it can also be hard and challenging. I received “whooping” that I did not deserve growing up, but it caused me to become more determined to seek other means of discipline, but I am not above resulting to an old familar. I would rather my child suffer a slight hurt by spanking him/her than suffer a greater hurt when he goes out into the world that is far less understanding, and loving.

    Best wishes.

  6. kim h20s

    i am 37 and i was spanked as a child. my mother was the one who spanked me because my father had the idea that if he hit his girlchild, then she would think it was okay for any man to hit her. my father took over discipline when i was of the age when it meant something to be grounded or lose driving privileges.

    but they always agreed on punishments and presented a united front.

  7. Mrs. W

    i totally agree with and use the same tactics as Mothering Two. especially at a young age. my daughter’s 2 and she wouldn’t understand anything about a spanking except pain. a change in my tone, time-out and the loss of privileges are like death to her, crying and screaming, so there really is no point to spanking her, because i’d get the same reaction only for a different reason. i don’t want her to fear me or as she grows, choose to do certain things for the temporary discomfort of a spanking, rather than a lengthy or more uncomfortable punishment. the lesson is lost in that. but thats my method and it works perfectly for us

  8. Tara Pringle Jefferson

    I think discpline is very very important. My daughter’s two, so I’m at the stage where I’m trying to teach her it’s not appropriate to hit someone, or to yell or do other disrespectful things.

    I hear about so and so’s kid getting whoopings all the time and I don’t know if that’s effective. If they keep doing the same behaviors and keep getting whoopings, is that really working?

    Like I said, my eldest is two, so what do I really know? LOL.


    Tara Pringle Jeffersons last blog post..Why I cant wait to move – Reason #134

  9. Mommy25

    I am a mother of a 3 year old little girl whom I love to death and due to this found the idea of spanking her almost heart breaking. I was spanked as a child and believe that my mother only had my best intentions at heart, I was never abused. My mom was never quick to hit but when talking didn’t work she was never ashamed to apply the “spare the rod spoil the child” mentality. At first I couldn’t understand how parents bought themselves to the point of spanking when there were options such as timeout and taking things away, until at 2 my little princess decided she’d take a little trip to the stove and fiddle with the knobs, I quickly grabbed her and instructed her of the dangers of playing with the stove the best I could for a 2 year old, until the very next hour I caught her doing it again and in an instant my reaction was to pop her hand! All I could think was I just told her not to do that, all of the horrors of what could have went wrong flashed in my mind and then I knew and understood exactly how parents are driven to spanking. I have learned that sometimes a spanking with a nice lecture can make all the difference in a child’s safety and harm and that there are also times for timeouts and taking things away.

  10. Philly Mom

    My siblings and I were never spanked as children. We understood our parents’ expectations and were rewarded by complying. We grew up to be good, contributing members of society. My husband was whooped (if you will) as a child and also grew up to be a good, contributing member of society. We have never spanked our pre-teen son and always get compliments on what a “nice boy” he is. I don’t see the point of trying to raise a well-rounded, non-violent child by emphazing a point through violence.

    There are many articles about how spanking is ultimately ineffective. See http://www.slate.com/id/2075217/ which points out that “black parents punish their children more than white parents in all ways. If you’re black and you misbehave, you’re both more likely to get spanked and more likely to lose your allowance than your white neighbor, who in turn is both more likely to get spanked and more likely to lose his allowance than the Hispanic kid down the street. So on average, poor people spank more and withdraw allowances less, whereas black people spank more and withdraw allowances more. The income pattern fails to match the racial pattern, so the income pattern can’t be fully explained by race.”

  11. Nicole

    I agree with Philly Mom.

    I think that spanking or “whooping” a child is sometimes an excuse for lazy parents. Why not talk to your child and find out why he/she did what they did and explain why it’s wrong. I don’t want my child to be scared of a belt. I want her to be scared of the look of disappointment on me and her father’s face. What happens when they get too big for a spanking? Plus, when you spank a young child (2-6 y/o) do they really understand why your doing what your doing?

    I’m pregnant with my first child and I don’t plan on spanking. I got a few ( maybe 2 or 3) when I was young. I honestly think I was happier that I got a swift punishment rather than a long one, like having to stay in the house or not being able to watch t.v.

  12. Robin Hughes

    I beleive that there’s nothing wrong with a good spanking every now and then. But like everything else we do in life there has to be a balance. Growing up in a two parent home, my mother was the disciplinary. My mother beleived in the concept that children should be seen and not heard, my father beleived the opposite we could make as much noise as we wanted. As a child I would say to myself that when I become a parent, I would be more like my Dad. But you know what funny I turned out to be product of both. I use a variety of techniques when disciplining my daugther, time out, time alone (which she hates), withholding of her toys, talking, spanking. Different situation warrant different measure. But one thing for certain a good spanking done in love never hurt anybody, after all my parents never had to bail me or my siblings out of jail. We all turned out pretty well. To God Be the Glory. Love is the key when discplining.

  13. Philly Mom

    I don’t see what spanking ever gets you that talking or withholding of priveleges won’t. When my son was too young to understand all of my words, he did understand my tone and facial expression well enough to know when his behavior was inappropriate.

    I will agree that parents who spank get faster results–but not necessarily long lasting results.

    I would rather take the time to discuss a situation with my son than to spank him. After all, that’s what he will have to learn to do as a citizen of the world. We can’t hit people when they offend us.

  14. Claudia

    I’m new to the site and so I’m a bit reluctant to comment on such a controversial subject without offending someone!

    But I have to agree with Philly Mom. I teach my 2 yr. old daughter that hitting someone is wrong; I tell her to talk to us about what is bothering her or making her angry. I try to show her that she will get my attention and my respect much more effectively when she uses her words. So for me, this means that I have to model this same behavior in my dealings with her. Now, to be frank, I did slap her hand once when she tried to touch the stove. I’m not perfect. I freaked out and just reacted! Of course, that didn’t keep her from trying again until she actually burned her little finger. Ultimately, though – as hard as it may be for us as parents – I think we should make the effort to model the kind of behavior we want to see in our children with an eye toward the long-term results.

    As an aside: my Dad was a pro with “the Look” – oh my God. Just thinking about it makes me want to clean up my room.

    Claudias last blog post..“You Know I Dont Mean You”

  15. Jonesi

    I don’t have children but my mother only used force in the most extreme situations it seems – like when I broke our glass coffee table stacking glass bottles (lol – don’t ask). But I don’t intend to use wooping as an initial option. I say this because this wasn’t my reality growing up. My mom told me she didn’t enjoy giving us woopings and I imagine I would probably feel the same. To hit a child just seems unsettling. Great topic I need to bring up to my fiance to see how our views are different. I think I would rather take away things from my child than use force….but when necessary in extreme cases I am NOT opposed lol.

  16. http://www.greggrules.com

    We don’t have kids, but just looking at that belt brought back memories! I’m 51 years old, so you KNOW I got whoopings as a child… with a belt, with a branch from the bush in the front yard that I had to pick (and I learned to pick the “right one” the first time to get it over with). I got the unexpected back hand to the mouth (I’m still a little shaken and stirred from the thought it), I even got things thrown at me. I had to run a few times. I think my mom got a kick as wll as excercise out of chasing me. There was also the “your father’s going to take care of this one” when I was REALLY bad, or screwed up in school. Oh yea, the unexpected whipping in the middle of the night when all of a sudden the covers fly off your body and you hear “You thought I forgot, huh?!?

    Yes, I was and still am a “free spirit”.

  17. Rock City Roots

    We try not to spank, but it had a few situations when it seemed like that was the only means. Call what ever you will (lazy), but if one of my 3 children don’t seem to understand by talking, timeout(in a bare room free of phones, tv, and video games), or withholding sentimental items, they will recieve a spanking.

    However, I think (my oppinion) is blacks spank more because it’s part of us from slavery. The slave master would beat the slave and force his will.

    This is why we try not to spank which is about 90% successful so far.

  18. Butterfly

    That’s a good idea the way your friend disciplines her kids. Personally, I got beat also. Now, I did deserve some of them but not all. When you discipline ur kids it should be in love not in anger. Discipline in my home varies from whooping, to taken things way, and punishing.

  19. http://www.greggrules.com

    I do have one experience spanking a child. I had a friend that has a child, at the time he was about 8 I think, and I agreed to be a sort of big brother to him because his father wasn’t around, and he was getting a little out of control. We’d go for rides, to the movies, one time I took him and a bunch of other kids to the circus. I was the only adult, had NO idea what I was in for. It was a complete X P E R I E N C E! Anyway,

    One weekend little Ron and I went for a drive to Indiana and when we got back to my house he was still restless. I owned a huge home at the time and my girlfriends kids loved to run around when they came over. Well, Ron was running around, coming really close to knocking over my plants, so I told him to stop running. Three or four times I had to tell him to “please stop running before you knock something over.” Well, you know it, he knocked over one of my plants… wham! Dirt, water, ad a broken clay pot all over my hardwood floors, I was pissed. I told him to sit down on the couch. I got the broom, mop, dustpan, and bucket and began cleaning up the mess he made. The next thing you know, I hear laughter. I looked over at him and he was cracking up at ME! I was pissed!! I took off my belt and actually gave him a whooping, but after a few seconds I stopped because he was crying and everything, and I REALLY felt terrible. He sat back down on the couch, and I continued to clean up the mess. When I was finished I sat down next to him. There was a show on TV about sharks, and he began to ask me questions about them and I answered every one (because I’m an absolute shark fanatic), but the point is that he was SO calm after that, I felt as though I took the appropriate action. I was still feeling bad though.

    When his mom came over, I told her what happened, the whole story, and she told me “Good, that’s exactly what he needed”. I was relieved.

    Little Ron eventually really straightened out after that. After high school he joined the military, and when he got out he started his own business and then got married.

  20. Anonymous

    “I dont see what spanking ever gets you that talking or withholding of priveleges wont. When my son was too young to understand all of my words, he did understand my tone and facial expression well enough to know when his behavior was inappropriate. ”

    Are you serious? If I KNEW all I was going to get was a long talking to and a facial expression… I didn’t feel so bad. Sometimes (in the cases of sibling fights) I would do more hurting to my brother /c I knew my mom was in a mode of just ‘talking’ to us…

    But i guess we were too poor to have that many things that she could have taken from me.

    Thanks for sharing.

  21. Anna

    @ King James

    But i guess we were too poor to have that many things that she could have taken from me.
    LOL. Kids do have alot of things to take away these days, not like in our day, some parents could not threaten that you will go to bed without any dinner. LOL. I know so many kids who got whooped so often that it does become ineffective. To me it just proves that I am bigger than you and I am a big bad bully and the kid acts it out on the school playground. I have mentioned this before, my kids would beg for the whooping, I chose not to. It’s too final. I chose grounding which was much harder for me to stick to then them. Don’t get me wrong I did spank my kids and each can use one hand to tell you how many they got from me. I never enjoyed spanking and I lucked out and talking to them worked for me. Now some kids need a good a** whopping on a regular. LOL.

  22. AP

    Spanking, whoopin, etc is abuse. It’s pretty simple. There is NEVER a reason to hit. Hitting teaches kids to hit.

    Practice attachment parenting and stay firm on your boundaries and you won;t NEED to spank.

  23. "Whooped" As a child

    The way some people are talking its as if all parents whoop their children daily. I can say that when I was young i got whooped, but i can count on one hand how many times it happened. Most parents resort to this after all options have failed to convey the point.

    Someone mentioned how whooping your child makes them fear the pain, and doesn’t actually convey the lesson the parent is trying to teach; well thats what all punishment is, be it time outs or whoopings. Unkowningly the parent is conditioning their child to associate certain consequences with certain actions.

    I think when it comes to punshment parents should be creative, but don’t point fingers and label one method as wrong. Because some kids may work well with time outs, but the majority need a smack once in a blue moon.

  24. TheDad Post author

    @”Whooped” As a child – I’m with you and best believe TheDad does hand out whoopings when appropriate. Having a little sit down doesn’t work every time for every child and best believe I’ll do what I have to do now so 20 years from now my child is running around in the streets like some fool. I’ll show you plenty of kids that will look at you like a fool if you take away a toy or try to discuss something. You’ve got to do what works for each child.

  25. Anonymous

    Perhaps you were whooped as a child. But I would venture that you were because your parents didn’t have the resources to consider other options. No child needs to be hit to emphasize appropriate behavior–unless of course, s/he has been conditioned this type of “discipline” from the start.

    We don’t spank because of our own beliefs and values. (And my pre-adolescent is not “running the streets like some fool”.)

    In addition, The American Academy of Pediatrics, in its policy on discipline, says, “Corporal punishment is of limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects,” and that spanking “has been associated with increased aggression” in children. The group says that other methods such as time outs and removal of privileges are more effective.

    Mother-wit is not always the way to go.

  26. TheDad

    @Anonymous – “We dont spank because of our own beliefs and values. (And my pre-adolescent is not “running the streets like some fool”.)”

    Like I said you have to treat each child as they need to be treated because they are different and react differently to discipline. I have a daughter that will bust into tears if you just say she did something wrong so it’s not necessary with her. So… your pre-adolescent doesn’t need to get whooped, so be it but that doesn’t mean that the next one in line would respond the same way to your time outs and removal of privileges.

    When I was young I could care less about a time out or someone taking away something. Not every child reacts to that.

    I guess my bottom line is I got spanked and I don’t exhibit increased aggression and neither do a bunch of other folks I know since pretty much everyone I know got beatings growing up and I don’t put much faith in academic studies since a lot of times their done with an idea in the beginning of what they want the results to be.

    TheDads last blog post..Voletta Wallace (Biggies Mom) Interview With Essence

  27. MissJay

    I agree with TheDad, it all depends on the child. I got spankings or whatever you wanna call them, time out, things taken away, and grounded. I’m a pretty well balanced adult. I personally did not get that many spankings as I learned that when I do this, I get the belt, therefore my parents did not have to spank past the age of about 7 or 8 with me.

    The point about studies is a good one. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. The same doctors who say don’t spank your child could end up with children who grow up and “run the streets like some fool”. This is one of those topics that we’ll all have to agree to disagree on since what someone else thinks probably won’t dictate what you do in your household.

  28. http://www.greggrules.com

    Like I said, I don’t have kids, but on numerous occassion I’ve been in the grocery store or department store, and have seen kids ranting and raving, and going completely BALLISTIC while the parents try to communicate with wild beastly children as if they are adults. Nothing disturbs me more than to watch this. You can’t talk to a child as if it’s an adult. A child is a child with a childs understanding (when I was a child, I thought as a child… but when I became an adult I put away childish things). You cannot communicate with a child on an adult level.

    On the other hand, I’ve seen adults snatch their children around by the arms like rag dolls, which is TOTALLY unacceptable in my opinion. Also, I don’t think it is a good idea to hit a child in the face or on the head. I don’t see any harm in spanking a childs bottom, or even swats with a paddle like they use to do in school, and if some of you old farts remember correctly, NOBODY wanted to get the paddle in school. It was embarrasing more than anything else, and if you heard the sound of it from inside the classroom, you wouldn’t want to be the recepient. The sound of it was a preventive measure in and of itself.

  29. Anonymous

    a couple of things:

    1) I am sure that there are enough people “running the streets like fools” who received whoopings. So the fact that you got whooped and are not running the street like a fool is not enough evidence that it was the whooping that saved you.

    2) A parent cannot wait until the child is aged 3 and is in a supermarket (for example)”ranting and raving, and going completely BALLISTIC” to think that this is the time for discipline. Children are learning from Day 1. Therefore, we must be mindful of teaching them at their developmental level. This does not mean that they whooping them is the only way we can communicate with them at that level.

    3) Finally, come on. We don’t “faith in academic studies since a lot of times their done with an idea in the beginning of what they want the results to be”. What kind of reductionist thinking is that? Don’t we have the critical thinking skills to examine a study on it’s own merits without thinking that it has been fixed?


  30. TheDad

    @Anonymous- To put it plainly no matter how much reasoning you’re doing with a 2/3 year old sometimes they just won’t get it. Some will some won’t whether you want to believe it or not.

    No one said whooping was the only way as you stated in number 2 but my point is some times it’s needed for some children.

    And I guess you believed everything on CNNs Black in America too. *SMH* It is what it is. I have those critical thinking skills that’s why I know better than believing everything that’s put in front of me regardless of if it came from Yale or from Steve Harvey.

    TheDads last blog post..Voletta Wallace (Biggies Mom) Interview With Essence

  31. http://www.greggrules.com

    The thing about studies is that we need to keep in mind that not every group is included in the research. Let’s be realistic about it. A lot of research studies do not include, and do not relate to Black folk. For example, we’ve heard that the unemployment rate is now up to 7%, but for Black folks it’s actually 12%.

    To spank or not to spank is another great debate that I think may be viewed differently by race. There are numerous articles and theories on the subject. It’s imperative that parents, Black parents in particular, figure out what works best for them in order to keep our boys and girls, (particularly our boys) walking on the straight and narrow, and stressing, more than anything else, that we love them, and only want the best for them. We need to let them know, regardless of the type of discipline you choose, that we love them. It’s much better for YOU as parents to find the proper discipline that works to hedge against them going “buck wild”. School authorities don’t care about your children (especially Black children). Police don’t give a care about your children (especially Black children). At one time it took a village to raise children, but the village is gone. In obtaining the “American Dream” somewhere along the way we lost communication with our kids, and neglected the discipline they need.

    Here are two opposng links on the subject:

    In this one:
    Study: Spanking kids leads to long-term bad behavior research shows that “90 percent of U.S. parents spank their children. A majority of pediatricians and psychologists also do not discourage occasional corporal punishment.”

    This one is pro-spanking:
    A Parent’s Rules for Spanking: The Correct Way to Spank Your Child

  32. Anonymous

    Yes, we do have to discipline our children. How you hit a anyone “with love” is beyond me. Why must we keep this legacy of whooping rather than evolving to a higher level of discipline and communication?

  33. Jonesi

    This is a really interesting topic because while I can say at this very moment I don’t intend to whoop my children, once I become a parent I know I will do what I feel is best in order to provide my child with the discipline necessary to ensure they grown-up with the skills sets needed to become civilized adults. Personally, I don’t remember being “whooped” except in extreme cases….and to be honest when I look back I needed that. The crazy thing about this is that childen don’t fear their parents anymore and when you don’t fear or respect your guardians, why the heck would they care about anyone one else on the street. There is no “community” anymore. Kids do what they want because they are savvy about their options to elude discipline.

    I find it quite funny that services like 241-kids exist because it’s a false sense of security. Keep in mind we are talking about tough love NOT ABUSE and people get the two mixed up. I grew up with the mentality that either your parents will get you in shape or the government will in JAIL!

  34. http://www.greggrules.com

    That’s right. It’s not abuse. We are not talking about abuse, and discipline is not the same as abuse. I totally agree with Jonesi. There is a BIG difference between beating your kid (because you’re some sort of sick individual), and discipline. When the distinction is made between the two, no one that is a logically thinking adult, can say that a parent that spanks his or her child doesn’t love that child. I would even go as far as to say that the parent that spanks, love’s the child more. I’ll admit I’m going out on a limb with that statement, and it may be somewhat bold, but you can’t say that parents that spank, love their children any less, and we’re talking about adult parents that have not been through abuse or any abnormal or violent circumstances.

  35. Jonesi

    @Gregg – to save you from a major arguement (lol), it all comes down to preference not nesessarily love (in my opinion). Lamar makes perfect sense when he stated that each child needs to be dealt with accordingly. My fear with today’s society is parents allowing the children too much input in their growing up process. Children really aren’t mature enough to have a voice as to what’s best for them….and I am speaking from my own upbringing. My mother didn’t ask me but told me what to do most times and I really appreciate that now. Now my mother has a very soft heart but her desire to make sure I was eqipped to survive in this world once on my own took precedence over being my friend and this may be an elitist comment but until my peers and younger quit popping out babies and growing up with them…this trend will continue. That was a very general statement but I have friends who I know aren’t parent material at this point in their lives but the babies are here yet the appropriate guidance
    isn’t 🙁

    However I do applaud those who take on the commitment to be parents at a young age and strive to provide their children with the love, nourishment, guidance, stability AND discipline (including whoopings if necessary) they need and deserve 🙂

  36. http://www.greggrules.com


    No argument here. To each his or her own. I still agree with what you said. And, although I don’t have kids, by choice, if I did, and if they’d happen to turn out to be anything like me growing up (instead of of like my wife, who is calm, cool, and collective, and teaches me a thing or two), they’d probably need a spanking. It worked for me, and actually, I’m thankful for it, and I let my parents, aunts, and uncles know that I am thankful to God for their discipline. It worked for me. I grew up in a good home with a lot of love, and in all humility, I am thankful to GOD for it.


  37. Pingback: Sometimes Kids Are Just Bad | Black And Married With Kids

  38. ewok

    Hello All!

    I am so glad to be back with the living…..teething baby girl. Not fun for her at all.

    My mother put the “goon hand” down on me as a child. I was her ‘ever so slightly’ spoiled baby girl. My brother was the perfect son that never broke a curfew and never made his mother cry from worrying. He works at the church he attends and is one of their most active members along with my sis in law and nephews to this very day….(Mr. Goody Goody…lol.)

    Me? I pushed it to the limit more than once….and every time I got my clock cleaned. I remember the feeling I would get before and knew my mother was on her way to smack my backside. She said she knew from birth that I would be different than my brother. I also thought my mother was crazy when she would get those nostrils to flaring! LOL! Very Effective!

    So, I will fully use the “goon hand” to enforce the law of the land in my home.
    I will not let society dictate how I deal with my own child.

    Spare the rod, spoil the child.

    Nothing abusive…..but my point will be made.

  39. Harriet

    @ ewok

    ROFL @ “clock cleaned!” I can hear the cuckoo sounds now!

    My mom used to play raquetball (she has 20 trophies to prove it), and she was a southpaw with hers. When I knew I was going to catch a spanking, I would move to her right side so she wouldn’t whoop me with her raquetball hand. Girl, the memories. I really appreciate both my parents for their disciplinary tactics. They were quite creative, and a spanking was always the last resort. But when they had to resort to it, it definitely got the point across.

  40. ewok

    @ Harriet

    OMG! My mother was a physical education teacher for 30 years…athletic like your mother. So, there was no out running her.

    And yes, it was a last result of the daughter that would just looove to push those buttons.

  41. Harriet

    @ ewok,

    We need to co-author a children’s book…how to bob and weave away from the “goon hand/raquetball arm.” ROFL

    On another note, i’m glad your daughter is doing better. Teething can be tough for the little ones…too bad we don’t remember so we can relate (although my wisdom teeth gave me a run for my money).

  42. ewok

    @ Harriet

    A book yes! I am all over that one! LOL!

    And thank you so much for your kind words. I hate to see my little one in pain. God Bless and thanks for the hearty discussion. I look forward to more in the future. God Bless.

  43. Christina

    Yes I think-know it depends on the child how you handle discipline. My oldest may have gotten 2 whoopings from me and yet my youngest-a totally different story. My oldest was quiet, laid back, didn’t like much company and do what she was told. When she received those whoopings it was because she would rather get into trouble then to see someone else get in trouble. My youngest-you can talk to her, this works most of the time but I found a spanking every once in a while helped steer her back on track. If I spare the rod with Moriah she keeps doing and keep doing. Taking things away from her doesn’t always work because of her interest in many things she make fun out of nothing looking for trouble to get in. If you take something away sometimes if you do not replace it with something will cause the child to explore something else. Ex. If Moriah continues to destroy her room, at first we take things from her. She, as if she is trying to get back at us will go and do something else we told her not to do like play in water or turn the burner on the stove on. So I decided when I took something she love(princess dress up clothes and tea set) replace it with something she loves(activity books) She has to sit at her table and work the pages I give her. She doesn’t like working with numbers yet she likes the activity book. But I be sure it’s numbers she’s working on. This redirected her. As for as social outtings, it may be difficult but we still have to find a way to teach our kids etiquette. You really have to know who your child is in order to discipline that child properly. Children are learning and most of their behavior is learned. You would be amazed at what behavior patterns your child pick by other kids, caretakers, yourself and family. You have to filter thru by observing your child and communicating.

  44. Kay

    As a child I did get whoopings, all of the time, most of the time I felt I didn’t do anything that bad. My mom was a single parent and very angry, she was stuck rasing a child, and living in her mothers house. When my father was in college having the time of his life,and getting a degree. I was a very quiet child, I feared my mom so I knew better than to act up. In school all of the teachers loved me they would say that I was a very well mannered child, I just had a learning disability. At home during homework time was very frustrating for my mom because I didn’t understand what I was reading. She would yell and scream at me, and I would just cry.
    I remember when I was 13 or 14 years old I wanted to be like the other kids at school and wear make up so I put some on and came home from school and she just snapped. She hit me up against the wall and wrapped her hands around my neck, I was terrified. I’m not saying that she was a bad parent, she provided for me the best way she could. SHe could have given me up but she didn’t. I have always been scared of her. Now that I’m 27, and recieving my degree from college. I have so much hate and anger toward her. we don’t get along at all. Everything that she askes me to do for her I’m negative toward her. She wants me to be supportive in everything that she does but I’m just so angry that I keep my distance. I haven’t talked to her in 2 weeks now. I just don’t know what to do. I have told her how I feel about what she did to me as a child and all she said was that she was sorry. I’m still holding on to it. I want us to have a better relationship but its hard.

    I say this to all parents that think that whooping their kids is a good idea, you should think of what that child did and is there a better way, also will this affect the child in the future. Will they thank you or will they hate you.

    If someone has any advice for me please let me know.

  45. Harriet

    Wow, Kay…I felt like I was walking through your childhood the way you described it, and it almost made me weep.

    I was spanked as a child, but it was as a last resort. I harbor no anger towards my parents, because I never doubted their love for me, and the whoopings stopped when I was about 9 or 10. Of course, I jumped bad and cussed my father out when I was 15…not a good idea to do to an Army drill sergeant. LOL We almost came to fisticuffs over that one, but Moms stepped in and calmed the situation down.

    All that to say that what you endured was ABUSE…hands down. No ifs, ands or buts about it. My children understand that if mommy spanks them, it’s because I have exhausted all other options. The only thing with my 3 year old that I spank him for automatically is if I catch him doing something that could endanger his life, like playing with the electrical outlets or the stove. Otherwise, it’s a verbal warning, then a a stern warning, then time out, then a longer time out, etc. until “whooping time.”

    I very rarely have to go there. My son probably hasn’t had whooping time all summer. He’s maturing, so I doubt he’ll go to age 9 or 10 like I did (hard headed). He’ll probably be 5 or 6. :o)

    I really appreciate your advisement to “think of a better way.” I definitely don’t think corporal punishment is the ONLY available option for disciplining a child. Unfortunately, there are some that do.

  46. Bianca

    whooping/spanking your kids is wrong period. There are other forms of discipline that you should consider and if you are not smart enough to think of other ways to discipline your child then shame on you

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People In Hell Want Ice Water

BY: - 7 Jan '09 | Parenting

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By: Stephaine Iszard

Do you recall when going “coach” wasn’t considered a positive social status?  My, the times are a changing.  With my daughters upcoming birthday and Christmas finally over (my credit card can now exhale), my youngest is again telling me what she wants.  It is “all about” Coach.

I am not talking about an airline seat.  She wants a Coach purse.  First of all, I do not own a Coach purse, and I actually have money to put in it. Second of all, she loses everything.  Oh, no, she is giving me the “such and such mama” speech.  Of course my retort is ask “such and such mama” to buy you one.  She begins to loudly demand. She has now plucked that last precious nerve (We all know the color of that nerve.)  After her last “WANT” speech to me, I began to channel my mother.

Without batting an eye I quoted that dear lady.  “Girl, hush! People in Hell want ice water.”  She was both dazed and confused by my apparent harsh statement.

Then, my adorable child gave me another look.  She gave me “that” look.  You know the look.  The one that makes you feel guilty when you go through a red light, or when you tell them to turn it inside out until laundry day, or when you serve leftover microwavable food two days in a row.

I determined to stay strong.  It was for her own good.  She left the room looking like someone applying for a car loan and did not know their credit score.  She was rejected.  I thought I was okay.  My mom would have done the same thing.  As a matter of fact she did.  Then it dawn on me, she made decisions based on a lack of funds not on teaching me a lesson concerning the value of a dollar.

At that point, two faces made an impression on my mind.  My mama’s sad face when she could not give us what we wanted and my sweet  pre-teen who did not get what she wanted.  With the economy in bad shape, my money has been kinda funny these days.  However, my child would come first.

I gave into part of her request.  I bought her two pair of Coach shoes.  I figured she could not misplaced those at school. Now, do not get me wrong.  I do teach her the importance of self-control when it comes to money.  But when it comes to love”....well, I did not feel the need to control my pocket book.  I know people in Hell will NEVER get ice water.  However, this is not Hell.  You should see my baby’s face; she is in Heaven.  I am too.  Oh, by the way, I got the shoes on sale!!!

BMWK, do you give into your kids request? Do they have a look that they use on you also? Let us know.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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