Bridezillas = Divorce

BY: - 1 Jun '09 | Relationships

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I watch a lot of Golden Girls episodes while I work out (don’t hate ““ it’s funny and keeps my mind off the fact that I’m sweating). I take breaks during the commercials and lately I’ve been seeing previews for the upcoming season of Bridezillas. For those who are (luckily) blissfully unaware of the show, it’s basically a show for depicting demanding brides-to-be in various states of distress.

One bride fussed over not being able to have chocolate cake at her wedding and decided to smash a cake in the bakery to prove her point. Another bride berated her bridesmaids for looking too pretty. Another pouted as her mom declined to buy her a $14,000 wedding dress and instead said she would pay for an $8,000 one.

Which got me to thinking. If these people are this incapable of dealing with the small blips that come up while planning a wedding, what makes them think they will be successful in marriage?

While I know your wedding is a big day and you’re looking forward to professing your love in front of God and those you care about, but in reality, the wedding ““gasp! ““ is not that important.

Yes, you make vows to one another. You exchange rings. You have your first kiss as man and wife. You dance to “your song.” You cut the cake and toss the bouquet. Fun times.

But if you don’t understand that this is only the beginning, that you will have a lifetime of ups and downs with this person, that you have to mean what you say when you utter the “for better or worse, for richer or poorer”...” part of the vows, then your marriage is off to a crappy start. Weddings aren’t about the ceremony ““ it’s about the commitment.

So say you, BMWK family? Do you think couples these days spend too much time worrying about the wedding and not enough time on what comes next?

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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16 WordPress comments on “Bridezillas = Divorce

  1. rj

    I watched this show over the weekedend for the first time. Most of these people are no so self absorbed there is no way that they are ready for marriage. A wedding is one day it is suppose to be special but not to the point where you are berating your friends and family.
    The first time I got married I didn’t have a wedding when the time comes around again I just want a small ceremony that focuses on me and my future husband with a few friends and family members. That day will be about us and not me, me, me!!!

  2. Sondra Hamilton

    I watch the show occasionally, and I often wonder how many of those couples actually stay together. Some of the brides and their personalities are so outrageous, I’m like, wow……..I hope that marriage lasts!

  3. Tiya'

    I have not watched the show, but have seen the previews. I think these women are more focused on trying to impress others than they are on actually being married. I know of a bridezilla who planned on having conversations with each of the bridesmaids to tell them how much weight she thought they needed to lose before her wedding. Just ridiculous. They are definitely losing sight of what’s most important (The Marriage).

    And Tara, I agree The Golden Girls is very funny.

  4. Donielle Michele

    All I can say is a wedding is one day, a marriage is a lifetime. That is partly why the divorce rate is so high. Women pay more attention to what dress they are going to wear and have no idea that their future husband has 8 kids and a criminal record since he was 5….lol! Seriously, let’s wed with the hopes of longevity & love not just to get a glorified mani/pedi and the chance to play princess dress up!! I could go on but I won’t, until next time….

  5. MissJay

    I watch the show all the time. It is crazy how they act. I actually had to tell my fiance that its about the marriage not the wedding since he wanted to have something real fancy. We’re past that part now and I refuse to let this one day stress me out so much. I too wonder if those couples stay together. There were a few guys who were treated so badly I would have left those women (if you can call them that) at the alter. Especially the one who married the same woman again.

  6. LaKeysha

    I’m not gonna lie…I absolutely LOVED plannig my wedding and I wanted it to be awesome. I mean, I was only going to have 1 wedding…ever…with the help of the good Lord! So there is nothing wrong with putting stock in the actual wedding. It’s a celebration of a new stage in life…like graduation and you want it to be special. It is the only time that you will ever have both of your families and all of your friends in one place and I wanted mine to be everything I had always imagined my wedding would be.

    But I do think that pre-marital counseling is also a must while you’re going through this planning to keep you grounded and balance out all the fantasizing with reality. So the same time, effort, planning you put in the wedding day you should put that much and more into counseling and lifelong preparations.

    But those bridezillas are somthing else…

  7. Danielle

    I’ve never seen Bridezillas, but I think a lot of people focus more on the wedding than actually preparing for marriage. As some of the other posters have mentioned many families care more about impressing the crowd than impressing God and their future spouse.

    Danielles last blog post..Impatience = Selfishness

  8. SteelersFan

    Bridezillas, Beware!

    A recent example can be a learning tool for you regarding a certain governor and an Argentinean woman.

    Below is an excerpt from an e-mail exchange (and going M.I.A. for five days and having the taxpayers unwittingly flip the bill for his Argentina ‘visit(s)’) that put Gov. Mark Sanford in some major hot water….

    From Mark Sanford
    To Maria

    “Two, mutual feelings. I have been specializing in staying focused on decisions and actions of the head for a long time now — and you have my heart. You have oh so many attributes that pulls it in this direction. Do you really comprehend how beautiful your smile is? Have you been told lately how warm your eyes are and how they softly glow with the special nature of your soul. I remember Jenny, or someone close to me, once commenting that while my mom was pleasant and warm it was sad she had never accomplished anything of significance. I replied that they were wrong because she had the ultimate of all gifts — and that was the ability to love unconditionally. The rarest of all commodities in this world is love. It is that thing that we all yearn for at some level — to be simply loved unconditionally for nothing more than who we are — not what we can get, give or become.”

    How is this passage germane for this forum and related to Bridezillas? Directly!

    This small passage sums up why Sanford cheated on his wife Jenny-pay attention to the last line!

    This is what men and women look for in a relationship–unconditional love. When these *Bridezillas* “Hook up” and marry the poor sap, their husbands inevitably leave them for the “other woman” What does the other woman have? Read this and the rest of the e-mails and find out. (**Note: Author does not condone cheating behaviour!!)
    Ever wonder what would compel this man to jeopardise and later destroy his political career (the potential to become the 45th president United States), relationship with family, and his reputation (now mud)?
    A. Maria represented a person Sanford could feel himself with
    B. A soulmate, not a total fishwife
    C. Someone whom he could have an intelligent conversation with if needed at three in the morning! (and probably has-hell he would take time at Carolina ranches to have conversations with *Maria*)

    These women better stand up and take heed! even though their “Bridezillas” may be contrived to make for better television, their behaviour does not stray far from who they really are.

    Stanford’s affair: an essential read

    Glean what you will from these e-mail exchanges. These are but a small sampling of an elicit affair spanning eight years that involved visits, phone calls, letters and e-mails…

    Argentinean food for thought

  9. LadyLiberty

    I’ve watched Bridzillas and I was sooooooo mad that George actually married Angel!! She’s def not an angel!! She’s nothing but a hoe!! She’s not even pretty!! I wish George hadn’t had a kid with Angel before Marrying her. Call me Old Fashioned, but I really do believe in waiting until marriage in order to have relations and children. Anyways, If I were George, I wouldn’tve taken her after how she acted!! Nor would I have taken the Bridezillas Erica, Delilah, Jenny, or Tasha.

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I Love My Black Woman's ‘Tude

BY: - 3 Jun '09 | Relationships

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by Eric Payne

Nearly a decade ago, a fraternity brother of mine bitterly confessed that he could not deal with black women. He is African-American by way of the Caribbean. Although I couldn’t say I hadn’t heard this sentiment prior to him stating it, I was intrigued to hear it out loud from someone so close to me.

This same man went on to declare that black women simply had too much attitude — on the bus, at work, in any given situation — just difficult and mean without cause or reason, especially the ugly ones.

A few years later he married a brown-skinned Dominican woman.

I’ve watched many black boys like me grow into men who exclusively date and many times marry whites, Latinos and other ethnicities that are not classically considered “black.” Some have been from the athlete set who are in many instances quietly “groomed” to pursue interracial relationships. Some have been artists who in their pursuit of life without restrictions refuse to be “tied down” to race and culture. But many have been outcasts — those in school who weren’t cool or cute enough, the kind that may have been a little on the chubby side, the ones who weren’t even considered when it came time to go to dances, parties or anything else social. I presume many in this last group might feel they had the last laugh considering the ongoing conversation African American women have today regarding the dearth of available “good black men.”

I was a member of the outcast set. Throughout most of my high school career, during the height of the eighties, I rocked a lopsided “˜fro and Coke-bottle glasses. I had crooked teeth which I hid from everyone by rarely smiling. All of this was attached to a slim body devoid of muscles. Be it snickers shared amongst friends or never being asked to any dances, the sisters made their distaste for me loud and clear.

Maturity has been kind to me. I shed most of my awkwardness as I grew up and as a Chicagoan who immersed myself completely in New York City life after grad school, I gained a savvy that allowed me to reinvent myself from the ground up. I’m happy to say this upgraded me had no axe to grind, no revenge to seek, no penalty to levy, nor any white women to flaunt in the face of my sisters. From my mother to my wife, I’ve never stopped loving the women I’ve always loved: black women.

Because I believe love is blind I don’t pass judgment on interracial relationships. Many of my closest friends and fraternity brothers are of mixed parentage, just as the man who now lives and works at Pennsylvania Avenue. These and many other great and wonderful human beings would not exist were it not for love’s ability to see across the color lines.

But for those who purposely pick and choose in an effort to avoid “difficulty”, the jury is still out. Are black women “difficult?” In a word, yes. They’re built strong, to take very little nonsense off anyone. This oftentimes includes their men. Do they have attitudes? Certainly! Black women have a way of conveying their feelings and emotions in a manner unique only to them. A simple glance can stop a conversation from going from bad to worse and I’ve never met a person who has fared well once a sister moves to put her hand on her hip. At the same time, some of the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard are ordinary words spoken with the flavor that can only come off a black woman’s tongue.

A bad attitude is just that — bad. It knows no specific ethnicity or gender. This isn’t the same as a woman, particularly a woman of color, conveying an attitude of strength and a passion for whatever they believe in or are fighting for. Too many times the two are mistaken for being one in the same.

Does this mean black women should be docile, unaware and subdued in an effort to avoid this negative labeling?

I sure hope not, because my children need their strong black mother, no different than I needed my own. I need my strong black wife to back me up and hold me down when I’m unable to do so myself. I’m even man enough to admit I occasionally need her to put me in check when I’m running around believing I can do no wrong.

A black woman’s “attitude” is as much a part of her as is her womanhood. It’s what makes her a stand-out amongst the family of women. I’m not going to knock her for it. It just makes me love her that much more.

BMWK what’s your take on the Tude? Is it just a bad rap given to black women, another negative stereotype?

Eric Payne lives with his wife and kids just outside of New York City and writes about married life and fatherhood at He also writes a fatherhood column at He is the author of I See Through Eyes, a book of poetry and short stories. His short fiction has appeared in Spindle Magazine and DiddleDog Magazine.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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