Remembering The Butterflies

BY: - 9 Aug '09 | Relationships

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by Tara Pringle Jefferson

My husband and I went to a wedding this past weekend, and it was one of the most romantic spectacles I have ever witnessed. As the groom serenaded the bride as she walked down the aisle, all the couples in attendance clutched their significant others just a little tighter, with a little more purpose. Seeing the love between the bride and groom made me giddy again, made me feel like I did on my wedding day.

I had to admit it had been awhile since I felt like the blushing bride, all wide-eyed and anxious for the best days of her life to commence. Lately, we’ve got the tenor of a well-oiled machine. Doing everything we know how to be a strong unit, but without the daily caresses and kisses that accompany most new relationships.

Weddings are always one of my favorite dates because as I look at the soon-to-be-married couple, I can clearly remember how it felt to stand there and pledge to love, honor, obey and protect my love. I can clearly remember how much it filled my heart to hear my husband say during his vows: “I get excited when I think about the future and all the potential and the possibilities that we have together. Being and standing strong together with love and God on our side, we can and will conquer all. With God all things are possible and I know that he made you just for me. ” I can remember the calm washing over me as the pastor proclaimed us husband and wife and I gave my husband the biggest, widest smile I had ever given, so wide that my cheeks hurt. It was perfect.

When you’ve been together a while, it’s easy for what was once extraordinary to become ho-hum. I remember at the beginning of our relationship, my heart would leap and the butterflies would stir when I heard him walk through the door. Now, I only know he’s home because the kids beat him in the house first.

I remember when we would be driving together and he would reach over, grab my hand and kiss it ever so softly. Again, I had butterflies when he did that. Now when we drive together, it’s mostly spent taking turns talking to the kids in the backseat.

But I always try to remember what it’s like to that blushing bride, who wanted nothing more than to be Mrs. Jefferson. I try to remember the times when I would marvel at how wonderful he was, and ask God how on earth did I deserve such a great guy. I try to keep those butterflies, the little flutters that shake you up and make you feel special whenever your spouse is around. I love that feeling. I hope it never goes away.

BMWK family, tell me. How do you keep the butterflies going? How do you keep the heat and excitement going in your marriage?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog,, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2229 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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11 WordPress comments on “Remembering The Butterflies

  1. Harriet

    How do I keep the butterflies?

    – Father’s Day
    – Candlelight
    – A romantic dinner
    – Watching the game with him in my birthday suit
    – What goes through my mind when putting our son to bed
    – Jill Scott’s “Crown Royal”
    – Floetry’s “Say Yes”
    – India.Arie’s “The Truth”
    – A big bear hug from him after a tough day
    – Thinking about him being protective of me when people try to mistreat me
    – Listening to his heartbeat
    – Knowing how much he loves the Lord, and thinking about how the Lord teaches him to love me
    – Coochie coupons (hey…it is what it is)
    – When he prays for and with me in the morning and evening
    – His poetic music
    – etc. etc.

    Great article! It really made me stop and think about all the things that make me love him.

  2. Tara

    I looove listening to my husband’s heartbeat. One of the best sounds in the world.

    And I’m SOOO mad at you about the coupons, girl. I gotta make some for my husband, but I doubt they’d last long. Wouldn’t even be worth the time or the ink. LOL.

  3. Ronnie

    Here is what works for us:

    – We still date at least once a month if not more. Go to a concert..a movie…dinner…the butterfiles are definitely going during our dates!!

    – We kiss every day!! Lamar does not leave home without a hug and/or a kisss and he gets one when he comes home too. On the days when I don’t get my kiss, I miss it. And yes…our daily kisses may become routine…but I rather have a routine with a kiss and a hug than have a routine that does not include one. I mean why get used to not having physical contact with your husband. You should have some sort of contact every day. If I don’t get my kiss..

    – send each other emails or text messages through out the day.. I love you..I miss you..etc. And call when you have a break at work.

    – don’t stop holding his hand in the car.. I rub his back, his leg..hold his hand…all of that in the car (while talking and some times fussing with the kids… you have to multi task 🙂 )

  4. Tara

    @Ronnie – We do kiss whenever we see each other, but I wish it wasn’t as perfuctory (sp?) as it is. More like we are genuinely glad to see each other.

    I try to call/text my hubby during the day, but I don’t know if he doesn’t like being interrupted at work or he only wants to talk if something’s important, but I always feel like he’s rushing me off the phone so I don’t do it as often.

    We gotta get better at the date nights, but I will say that I don’t think we’re doing half bad. I still feel those butterflies 🙂

  5. Staycee2

    When I saw this article, I was like WOW, let me count the ways!!!!

    Just to think that we make love ten years later as if it was our first time gives me butterflies!!!!!!!

    When we are shopping without our kids gives me butterflies, because we are like big kids with no worries!!!

    Cooking holiday dinners or entertaining our friends when he’s firing up the grill gives me butterflies, because he aims to please!!!!!!!

    When he quotes something our pastor discussed with us in pre-marital counseling give me butterflies!!!!!!!!

    I love my husband unconditionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. CartersMom

    Great I am jealous I can’t beat any of you guys.
    My husband and I work opposite schedules, my husband and our son are sleeping while I am on my way to work and in the evenings I pick up our son and do all the house chores, my husband does not get home until 12am and by then I am snoring away (lol). We literally just had a long talk 2 nights ago about us not spending any quality time together and have some sort of romance. So we decided, that i will try and stay up at least twice a week to have sex ( I would rather be sleeping) but I guess I gotta do what I have to do to keep my man happy. But I speak to my husband throughout the day, and we never get off the phone without telling each other how much we love each other when are together he is very affectionate, he loves to kiss me and whisper in my ear.

    @ Harriet what does your coochie coupon look like I am definetly gonna get some?

  7. Harriet

    Girl, I made up some on the computer. Go to google and type in “templates,” then click on the microsoft office templates and pick “coupons.” Find a look that fits you, then insert your own pictures. I had a BLAST making them up!

  8. Anna

    I have been cordially invited to many beautiful weddings and it reminds me that I did not have one. Hubby and I as outspoken as we are dont like to be the center of attention to anyone but each other. It’s amazing how shy we both are. I am a communicater, I start a convo while waiting in a grocery line but I can’t imagine having a wedding with “all eyes” on me. I love the coupons. I use to make my own until I found them online. I gave hubby a handful for Fathers Day. The one coupon I didn’t like was “I will wash your car”. I need to wash my own cars, but if hubby ever tries to cash in on that coupon, I will pay for him to go to the drive through car wash and will be sitting next to him. LOL.

    Tara said:
    I looove listening to my husbands heartbeat. One of the best sounds in the world.
    Listening to hubbys heatbeat and a kiss to seal the deal starts my day. After almost 13 yrs. together, I still get butterflies when I hear hubbys truck pull up in the drive way.

  9. Pingback: Remembering The Butterflies | Black and Married With – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

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7 Reasons Marriage is Good for Your Health

BY: - 11 Aug '09 | Relationships

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by Mary Ward

Having a lifelong companion is good for so many things in life. Putting aside all of the stereotypical jokes and connotations, marriage can actually be good for your health. Though some may argue that marriage can sometimes cause stress, it can provide some truly tangible health benefits that can make you live longer and be happier overall.

1. Marriage may help to protect your health. It is believed that there are many more economic and social benefits available to married couples, and therefore it can be beneficial to the health and care of an individual if they are married. They may have access to better resources or even health care in some instances.

2. Marriage offers companionship and friendship. In most cases, companionship can make a person happier. Knowing that you have a lifelong friend can be good for the mental health and therefore help a person to lead a long and healthier overall life.

3. Married couples generally are in better health. It may have something to do with the fact that there is somebody else to take care of an individual or just that the bond of marriage makes health much more tangible. Whatever the true correlation, the statistics show that individuals who are married generally maintain a better picture of health and live longer.

4. Married couples are less likely to smoke. The statistics show that married couples tend to smoke less overall. As smoking can be a huge contributor to poor health, those couples that maintain a non-smoking status are believed to live longer and be much healthier.

5. Married people are said to have lower blood pressure. In spite of the arguments that can sometimes cause a temporary rise in blood pressure, it is believed that married couples overall have lower and much healthier blood pressure levels. Manageable blood pressure levels result in a healthier lifestyle and longer life span.

6. Marriage is believed to provide a strong support network. The natural support network that most marriages provide contribute to a better picture of mental health. This means that people are healthier, happier, and more apt to live a much longer life.

7. Married couple are believed to live longer. Due to the emotional, mental, and physical support that marriage can provide, it is believed that it can have a great impact on an individual’s overall life expectancy. As a general whole, married people tend to live longer and lead much happier and healthier lives than single people do.

Marriage so often gets a bad rap that we tend to overlook the truly wonderful benefits of being married. Consider this your timely reminder for those of us celebrating years of wedded bliss, or perhaps the push that tips the scales in favor of the big day!

Mary Ward writes about various health care career topics, including how to obtain a masters in healthcare degree.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2229 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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