Keep The Honey in the Moon

BY: - 10 Nov '09 | Relationships

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There are times when life’s routine can take its toll on a marital relationship.   Things  can become humdrum and “business as usual.”    It’s during those times when the importance of keeping the “honey” in the “moon” of your marriage alive.   Now, I don’t know the origin of the word “honeymoon,” but I did a little research on some unconventional uses of honey.   Here are a few ways we can apply these uses to our marriages:
  • Honey has a calming  power:   how many of us need to just calm down and not take ourselves so seriously?
  • Honey can be used as a topical ointment over wounds:   the honey in the moon will ease the sting of words spoken too hastily.
  • Honey helps the body retain more calcium:   calcium keeps our bone structure strong, just as retaining calcium within the structure and foundation of love in   our marriages is important.
  • Honey replenishes the body and gives it back what it releases during extreme  events:   after a particularly tough season or trial, honey has the ability to replenish what was drained.
  • Honey rids the body of toxins:   things like anger, unforgiveness, manipulation can poison a marriage.   Honey has a way of ridding a marriage of those types of things.
  • Honey improves blood flow:   in the bedroom, blood flow is absolutely imperative; in daily life, it keeps us alive and full of energy.

When marriage gets stressful, here are some ways I add the honey back to the moon of my own marriage:

  • Picnic in the living room:   after the children are in bed, we camp out in the living room over candlelight and a great meal.
  • Let’s do lunch:   we try to take the time out to eat lunch together to calm one another down during particularly rough seasons.
  • Sex Info 101:   this is a website we discovered that outlines 101 different positions we can use.   Periodically, I print out a picture (they’re faceless cartoons…nothing over the top) of what I’d like to try and put it in a place where I know my husband (but not my children) will find it.
  • Never underestimate the power of sticky pads.   We have both taken sticky notes and written what we love, appreciate and find sexy about one another and post them on our mirrors or in our closets just to get one another’s attention.
  • SCRABBLE!   Nothing more intimate than using a game of Scrabble (or whatever you like…Uno, Connect 4, etc.) to determine who will be the love slave for the weekend.
Those are a few of many strategies we use to ensure we remain hot for one another and that we stick together at all times.   What about you, BMWK?   How do you keep the honey in the moon of your marriage?   What are some strategies you employ to remain–for lack of better terms–hot and sticky for one another?

God bless!

~ Harriet

Harriet Hairston, a  freelance writer, human  resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of  the motivational blog, “Can She SAY  That?!?” has a unique style that  brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor.  She lives in Louisiana with her husband  and two sons.   You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2218 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

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6 WordPress comments on “Keep The Honey in the Moon

  1. Aja

    Thanks for this article Harriet. My husband and I were just talking about ways to stay connected to each other. With a baby and trying to watch our spending it just isn’t as realistic for us to always have a date night. I will have to use some of your suggestions!

  2. Tara

    Amen, Harriet and Amen Aja! With two kids, two new car notes and a mortgage, we are pinching our pennies and it seems like our love life is suffering!

    I like the picnic in the living room idea. I always plan on doing it then I end up passed out before we can get it going. Great tips – I’ll try some of these and report back! 😉

  3. Thomas

    Thanks so much for this much needed reminder!! We (all married folk) often get into marital ruts. I’ve told my wife we will do MORE of just being together. It takes a bit to push past our dreaded comfort zones. But we have gone to the beach and just walked and talked (although we live in South Florida, it had been a long time since we’d been to the ocean). We have taken in dance and music events (I try hard to find free local events; this way we aren’t stressing over how to pay for this time we want to spend together). In short, it is a CONSTANT mindset.

    Thanks again,
    Thomas

  4. Staycee2

    Harriet great post! It’s ecspecially hard when you have 4 kids (17, 12, 12 & 3), I inherited the two oldest when my husband’s ex-wife passed back in June. All I can say is that I don’t know what we would do if my mom didn’t live near us. Sometimes we call my mom and ask her to pick up the 3 year old from daycare and we have dinner together or do some shopping..

    P.S. Thanks for the tip, http://www.sexinfo101.com!

  5. Ronnie

    thanks for the reminder Harriet…I need to check out that website you mentioned above 🙂

    It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday rountine. I told Lamar the other day that I wanted to go out on a date and to the movies….as we have not been in a while.

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A Girl Like Me

BY: - 11 Nov '09 | Home

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People Rihanna

by Aja Dorsey Jackson

After watching the Rihanna interview on Friday I went online to see what the masses had to say, as I usually do when I see something happen in the media. Although I was not surprised, it was still troubling to see the large number of Black women commenting online almost with contempt for the pop star. Despite the fact that we’ve all seen the pictures, despite the fact that at no point has Chris Brown denied her claims or claimed to have been defending himself against her, most women seemed to be saying “I don’t condone domestic violence but (insert justification here).” As I read comment after comment from my peers, I came to realize that there is a rather large population of Black women who believe that women should be beaten sometimes.   I felt as if I had been stranded in the Color Purple movie with 10,000 Celies around me whispering “beat her” to Harpo.

If it seems like I’m sensitive to this topic it’s because I am. At the age of 21 I was the victim of a very violent domestic attack. As I heard Rihanna speak of her own confusion and loneliness it felt as raw as if the words were coming out of my own mouth.

Being attacked was only the beginning of the hard part for me. The hardest part was putting my pain on display and dealing with the rumors that followed. I heard everything from claims that despite the black eyes and bruises, I was a drama queen who had made it all up to allegations that   I was on crack (yes crack). In the months that followed, there were numerous occasions when I regretted ever having made that phone call. It was as though I had found the strength to talk about being beaten in private, only to then be brutally assaulted in the court of public opinion.

Rihanna’s situation is different from mine only in the sense that she and her attacker are both celebrities. The incident and its aftermath is only an example of what happens on a smaller scale every day. We say that we don’t condone domestic violence, but what we really mean is we don’t condone domestic violence unless. Unless the woman is feisty. Or from an island. Or not that innocent. Or has a smart mouth. Or knows how to push a button. Or isn’t an angel. Or her abuser looks like the boy next door.

And then there are the cries of “why won’t everybody just let this go”. Here’s why: According to the Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community, African American women experience domestic partner violence at rates 35 % higher than their white counterparts and intimate partner homicide is the leading cause of death for African American women ages 15 to 45. As opposed to using this very public situation to address this very real issue, we have popular urban websites running stories that paint Rihanna as a villain for speaking out. We have thousands of little Black girls and little Black boys who saw a Black woman’s battered, bloody, face on television and heard their grown up mothers and fathers say “well she shouldn”˜t have”...” with the same mouths that they use to say “never hit a woman”.   If we care at all about trying to keep our children, sons and daughters, from entering into violent relationships, then shouldn’t we stop leading the way with our attitudes?

Even as I write this today, years later, I am nervous. I can’t help but to wonder how I will be judged by everyone reading it. The only reason why I choose to share my story is that I believe that there’s a girl out there that needs to hear from a girl like me. A girl who’s feisty. A girl that can get pretty angry. A girl that has a smart mouth sometimes and can occasionally push a button. A girl that isn’t an angel and has never claimed to be. A girl who doesn’t deserve to become a victim of domestic violence. Period.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marketing consultant in Baltimore, Maryland. She is author of the blog www.babybumping.blogspot.com. She can be reached at aja@ajadorseyjackson.com.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2218 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

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