5 Books To Repair & Strengthen Your Marriage

BY: - 21 Jul '11 | Marriage

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As promised on last night’s weekly Twitter #Marriagechat (every Wednesday at 9PM EST) over the next few days we’re going to provide you with some resources that will repair and strengthen your marriage. We’re starting off the series by sharing some of our favorite marriage books.


The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman


Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language””quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together.

Gary Chapman hosts a nationally syndicated daily radio program called A Love Language Minute that can be heard on more than 150 radio stations as well as the weekly syndicated program Building Relationships with Gary Chapman, which can both be heard on fivelovelanguages.com.

The Five Love Languages is a consistent new York Times bestseller – with over 5 million copies sold and translated into 38 languages.   This book is a sales phenomenon, with each year outselling the prior for 16 years running!

Includes a promotional code to gain exclusive online access to the new comprehensive love languages assessment.

Marriage Matters by Dr. Tony Evans (Ronnie’s Favorite)


Marriages today are deteriorating at an alarming rate: As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced (US Census Bureau). One might ask, “Why do so many marriages fail?”   According to pastor and teacher Tony Evans, marriages deteriorate not because we no longer get along, but because we have lost sight of the purpose and prosperity of the marriage covenant.

Marriage Matters examines the nature of this covenant, or agreement, we enter into on our wedding day. This booklet provides the foundation for the booklets For Married Women Only, as Evans looks to the Scriptures to define what a covenant is, who makes it, and what the implications are. Chaos arises when we seek to do things our way””the need to align ourselves according to biblical standards of marriage is evident. Let the practical and engaging Tony Evans lead you in knowing just how much…Marriage Matters.

The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick


The #1 New York Times best seller. More than 5 million units sold.

Unconditional love is eagerly promised at weddings, but rarely practiced in real life. As a result, romantic hopes are often replaced with disappointment in the home. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

The Love Dare, as featured in the popular new movie Fireproof (from the makers of Facing the Giants), is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love. Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare is a journey you need to take. It’s time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage. Take the dare!

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman (My Favorite)


“Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage,” Dr. Gary Chapman

No wonder the divorce rate hovers around fifty percent.

Bestselling author and marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, hopes to change that with his newest book. Gary, with more than 35 years of counseling couples, believes that divorce is the lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as intimate teammates.

So he put together this practical little book, packed with wisdom and tips that will help many develop the loving, supportive and mutually beneficial marriage men and women long for. It’s the type of information Gary himself wished he had before he got married.

This is not a book simply to be read. It is a book to be experienced. The material lends itself to heart-felt discussions by dating or engaged couples. To jump-start the exchanges, each short chapter includes insightful “Talking it Over” questions and suggestions. And, the book includes information on interactive websites as well as books that will enhance the couples experience.

Dr. Chapman even includes a thought-provoking appendix. By understanding and balancing the five key aspects of life, dating couples can experience a healthy dating relationship. A revealing learning exercise for dating couples is included at the end.

Husbands, Wives, God: Introducing the Marriage of the Bible to Your Bible by Edward C. Lee


Husbands, Wives, God, is a first of its kind book that introduces seven marriages taken straight from the Bible into your marriage. These are their stories”” woven together to produce changed hearts, attitudes, perspectives and ultimately, changed marriages. They were selected in order to channel the focus of husbands and wives to the most important relationship that a couple has, a balanced relationship between them and God, hence the book’s title, Husbands, Wives, God.

It is a relationship that moves couples beyond the typical give-and-take between husbands and wives into interaction with The Source of wisdom, guidance, strength and true lasting love. Along the way, you will meet couples that demonstrated either balance or a lack of balance, in their relationship with God in the midst of their realities. Culturally and socially, the marriages of the Bible and our own modern marriages are worlds apart; God’s teaching and wisdom, however, does not change””ever. Therefore, the marriages within the Bible remain relevant, insightful and powerful models for marriages today.


Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith by Jewell R. Powell


Marriage is no fairy tale. Author Jewell R. Powell knows from experience. But she also discovered that there is hope for getting through the hard times, and that, with God, a happy and fulfilling marriage is possible. Using the story of Sleeping Beauty as a parable of God’s plan for marriage, this book/workbook combination offers an 8-week plan for individual or group study that encourages examining the areas in our lives that need to change. Using biblical examples, reflection questions, and Scripture meditation, Powell challenges those who want strong and healthy marital relationships to lay a spiritual foundation from which to grow. Marriage 101 is a valuable, insightful resource that couples can go to for help when dealing with the real issues they face.

Have you read any of the books on our list? What are some of your favorites? List your top 5 in the comments section.

About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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23 WordPress comments on “5 Books To Repair & Strengthen Your Marriage

  1. Netta


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  3. Anonymous

    My favorite relationship book is The Spirit of Intimacy by Sobonfu Some. It’s a must-read for all familial and romantic relationships with simple, traditional African wisdom.

  4. Counselorhooper

    My husband and I give the Five Love Languages as wedding gifts.   We love it and often have the opportunity to teach on the book.   It is a keeper.   I look forward to reading the other recommended books. Thanks!

  5. Monnie

    My husband and I attended a marriage Bible study where we read Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich. That book was awesome and really helped me understand my husband and our marriage.

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How to Have a Great Vacation With Your Boo (Without Arguing)

BY: - 21 Jul '11 | Marriage

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What’s the point of going on vacation with your spouse if you are going to argue and fuss the entire time? Vacations are supposed to be relaxing. They’re supposed to be a time where you and your spouse can reconnect and rekindle the flame.

When we returned from our vacation last week, my husband said: “Thank you for an awesome trip. I had a great time. I think it was one of our best trips so far. And I love you.” No lie…..he really said that!

Before I tell you how we got to this point, I have to tell you that things were not always this way. We used to argue on our vacations. I would waste valuable vacation time on being mad.

He would say: “You’re always getting mad about something while we are on vacation.” And I would say: “You’re always doing something to make me mad while we are on vacation.” But if it is a 3 or 4 day vacation, why in the world would I spend 1 day or even 1 hour on being mad?

If I am really honest with myself, most of the problems came from me. (I said most not all Lamar……as I know you are reading this and laughing and thinking I knew it!!!!)

So we made a few simple changes that have allowed us to truly enjoy being together on vacation. The first thing we did was to communicate. We actually talked about why I was getting mad at him on vacation. I told him that he was not showing me enough attention and affection on the trips. He is very affectionate at home (way more than me). But when we are on vacation, it’s like we flip and I want to be all lovey dovey. It seems that my love language completely changes when I am on vacation from acts of service to quantity time. And when I do not get the attention I want, my attitude kicks in.

So just talking about what an ideal vacation looks like with each other helped tremendously. Now, I totally appreciate his efforts to make me feel special on vacation. And if he gets distracted by work for short periods, I am not so annoyed.

I also noticed that there were things that I was doing before the trip that contributed to my attitude. I was stressing myself out trying to get a million things done before leaving, such as cleaning the house, packing clothes, paying bills and balancing accounts, washing and combing hair, working late hours because everyone wants something before you leave as if you are not coming back to work.

I did two things that to cut down on my stress before the trip. First, I shortened my to-do list and only did the things that were essential. Really”...the house does not have to be dusted and vacuumed before you leave. Although it is nice to come home to a pristine home, I would much rather be relaxed on my vacation.)

Secondly, I asked for help which my family was very willing to give. I just had to open my mouth and ask. Lamar and I now work together to prepare for our vacations. We make a list of all that needs to be done, we cross off the unnecessary items, and then we tackle that list together.

It goes like this now:

Me: “I’ll get the oil changed.”

Him: “No I got it”... I will get it changed when I run out later.”

Him: Hey babe, don’t worry about doing that it doesn’t need to be done before we go.”

Me: “OK.”

Before we left on our last trip Lamar asked me what needed to be done. I told him my biggest task was to comb our three girls’ hair. He offered to help comb their hair. “Ahhhhh that’s nice boo……but no…I have seen your pony tails.” So he did other things to prepare for our trip.

Cutting down on my stress before we left, made a huge difference in how we interacted during our vacation.

Finally, keep a positive attitude. Be nice to each other and find ways to make each other happy. Don’t argue or worry about things that you cannot change on the vacation such as bills or past hurts or annoying habits. Vacation is no place for discussing those things, unless you are going on vacation specifically to address them.

Hold hands, hug, kiss, and have plenty of sex (if the kids aren’t in the bed next yours.) If you do these things, work together, and communicate, you too will have your boo thanking you for an awesome time on vacation.

BMWK Family – Do you argue on your vacations…why? Please provide additional tips to minimize the arguing and increase the loving on vacations.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 522 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.


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