As I may have mentioned before, I assist adults who are looking to transition back into the workforce. Often in that role I find myself offering the same piece of advice in regards to the participant’s job search: “Don’t get lazy with it.”
They immediately connect to what I mean and recognize the amount of time, energy and effort needed in order to yield effective results. By creating tailored cover letters and thank you letters and following up, they increase their chances of being called in for an interview.
When I made those statements to a new group of job seekers last week, I immediately considered how useful this could be for couples as well. The “it” in “don’t get lazy with it” could easily translate into many areas of our lives, but especially in our marriages.
It is extremely easy to become complacent in a relationship, especially when the other spouse or partner won’t call us out on it or happens to mirror our laziness with a little bit of their own. Doing the same routine day in and day out allows us to easily get stuck in a rut. With this type of thinking we can easily forget to show additional affection, create time for date nights and intimacy, and just be mindful of the overall care of our spouse. When a marriage gets caught in that place of monotony it represents the lack of effort given by spouses. Normally, the areas most commonly affected by laziness in a marriage are:
- The daily loving of our spouse: Believe me I relate to how drained a person is after a long day of work. The last thing you desire to do is give any more of yourself. However, if we were to put ourselves in our spouse’s shoes, more than likely they’ve had that same kind of day. Thinking about what makes us feel better would probably make the spouse feel better too. A warm hug and kiss when they return home or words of affirmation even before they start their day goes a long way. Being that shoulder to lean on and a listening ear is sometimes all that’s needed.
- The intimacy with our spouse: The sex is always the first to go when we’re angry and especially when we are fatigued. Occasionally we are too exhausted to even prepare for the intimacy like dressing up in our sexy best or making ourselves desirable. And just because we are okay with allowing weeks to go by without making love to our spouse (because we are too tired) doesn’t make it healthy for a marriage. I never justify infidelity, but it is understandable how those thoughts can easily creep into the mind of a spouse who is being neglected. We often hear that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. I challenge all to sacrifice in this area by connecting with our spouses and getting intimate more often; even when we may not be in the mood. The good news is we can always rest right after, being that it makes for a better night’s sleep anyway.
- The communication with our spouse: I have found in my years of coaching couples that they normally feel it’s easier to complain about a situation than to improve it. It takes energy to create a solution and because a lot of couples are getting too lazy and relaxing too much in their marriage, they allow the relationship to deteriorate. They may say that isn’t what they want, but their actions speak otherwise. A marriage can be saved when both people are willing to put in the work. Communication must work both ways. A small part is asking for what we want but the larger part is listening to the needs of our spouse.
Showing up and showing out in our marriage is our responsibility. The results we receive from everything we do in life will always be based on how much we are willing to contribute to its success. That includes marriage. Our relationships are a direct reflection of the amount of sacrifice, commitment and compromise we are willing to give. Let’s bless our marriage and our spouse by putting in the work and vowing no more laziness in marriage.
like what you're reading?