Becoming A Power Couple

BY: - 1 Dec '11 | Marriage

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When you think about power couples, people like President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama most likely come to mind. Other power couples include Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, Jay-Z and Beyonce, Bill and Camille Cosby. Certainly, these couples have power and influence to do big things in our world, and all of them make it a point to help those less fortunate than themselves. But, you don’t have to be a big name or have a lot of fame in order to be a power couple. Everyday power couples, like Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, the founders of this website, are a classic example of harnessing the powerful partnership of marriage, not only to build a family but also to impact lives around the world through media.

You and your spouse (or future spouse) can be a power couple, too. It might not be as entrepreneurs or entertainers, but that doesn’t mean the impact you have in society is any less important. For example, my husband and I determine to be a power couple in the realm of community building through ministry and education. We know our lane (mission), stay in it, and work it diligently. It doesn’t matter if the world knows our name; what matters is if we are harnessing the power that God has given us as a couple to love each other and to impact the lives of others.

Here are few “power couple pointers” that work for me and my husband. I encourage you to add to the list and modify them to suit the unique qualities within your marriage.

  •  A power couple  doesn’t  take “power trips” and waste time arguing about who is in control.
  • A power couple capitalizes off of each person’s strengths instead of focusing on each others’ weaknesses.
  • A power couple can produce and build something together””whether a business, a home, a community service project, etc.””that not only benefits them but helps others.
  • A power couple recognizes that they can do more, have more, and give more when they are working together as opposed to working individually.
  • A power couple is not intimidated by other power couples. In fact, a real power couple learns from others and seeks mentors to help them grow.
  • A power couple presents a united front as parents and refuses to allow the children to divide and conquer them.
  • A power couple makes a plan, works the plan, and revises the plan as needed so that the vision for the marriage is realized.
  • A power couple does the hard work necessary to work through marital problems and to learn from difficult circumstances.
  • A power couple believes they have the perfect spouse even though their spouse isn’t perfect.
  • A power couple serves as an example for other couples to learn how to be uniquely powerful in their marriages.
  • A power couple places God and family in the center of their lives and protects their faith and loved ones from negative influences.
  • A power couple recognizes that real power  doesn’t  reside in money, in careers, or in reputation. Real power resides in love.

I believe that God created marriage to be a powerful institution. It should not suck the life out of you or leave you feeling powerless. Instead, it should nurture and add to the power already within you. When this happens in marriage, you become a power couple that is unstoppable and unbreakable.

What are some other qualities of power couples? How are you harnessing the power in your marriage?  

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson wrote 75 articles on this blog.

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online international women's ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker, teacher. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.

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26 WordPress comments on “Becoming A Power Couple

  1. Lamar

    Thanks for the nod Dr. Michelle and excellent article. I’m going to print this out and post it up as a personal training tool and reminder. We’ve been blessed to determine our purpose and to be given a platform to promote it. I especially love this part:

    “We know our lane (mission), stay in it, and work it diligently. It
    doesnt matter if the world knows our name; what matters is if we are
    harnessing the power that God has given us as a couple to love each
    other and to impact the lives of others.”

    I definitely believe it’s not about you but the work that you do and that’s what should be your focus.

  2. Niambi

    Thank you this post Dr. Michelle!   It seems that a power couple are two people who are on one accord and do not lose sight of what is most important in life which is their marriage and family.   I love it that power couples work together to build eachother up and are supportive and do  not knock eachother down when one person may have a better job, make more money, etc.

  3. jbledsoejr

    This is awesome…great post!  Thank you for sharing.  I agree with Lamar that this is board posting material.  I especially like this bullet “A power couple can produce and build something together—whether a business, a home, a community service project, etc.—that not only benefits them but helps others.”

  4. Anna Renee

    Thanks for this article.   A power couple has to be mature enough and know themselves well enough to amass power.   Power has a price and you have to be focused on a noble goal to be such a couple.   I love Gina and Patrick Neely of the Food Network.   They are a wonderful power couple and they never stop showing their love for each other as they run their businesses and do their TV cooking show.     Check them out!   The Neelys Like Doing It In the Kitchen

  5. Heath Wiggins

    Way to go Michelle. Great article. Ironically, I just tweeted about #MarriagePower. As soon as I posted it, I saw and read this article. Great content. Well said. Great advice. I’m about to go out and buy some Wonder Twins costumes for me and my wife and change the letters to PW for Power Couple.
     
    “Power Couple…Activate!”

  6. Scarboro1973

    I totally agree with you Dr. Michelle.   My husband and I have been married almost 17 years.   We are joined together to be kingdom builders according to the word of God and teaching our girls the same principals.   We are joined together in ministry (home & church).   No we are not famous, nothing glamorous about us.   We love God and are living to be an example to other couples.   God bless you and all your efforts

    N. Spencer

  7. Kathy Sykes

    This post was on point in many ways. The main take away message for me was that you have to work “together” as a team to make things happen instead of “against” each other. Sometimes we harp on the others weaknesses instead of encouraging the strengths that will help us to become power couples. And the other thing that is a MUST is to keep Christ as the center and HEAD of your life/marriage/business…etc. Thanks Dr. Michelle
    From a fellow First Lady

  8. KEITH

    Hi DrMichelle,
    Power couples that are famous like as the ones you mentioned can certainly do a lot for people and communities. But I would never suggest to my children to see them as a role model, for the simple reason you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. To me a power couple is someone who does the right thing even when no one is looking. My husband and I strive to be the best role model or power couple for my girls. The way we treat one another, the way we stand up for one another, the way we conduct our everyday normal lives, the love we show one another these are some power couples attributes. My husband is a gospel singer known by many, but mostly known for his humbleness and they way he love Jesus. We help in different capacities in the church,      

  9. KEITH

    DrMichelle,
    I think you are awesome I have recommended this site and Alabaster Woman to many of my lady friends. Your teachings and articles is what we as black women need. Being a black woman there seems to be little to offer us in the wake of speaking our minds and help with what’s on our mind, or the issues we face from day to day. Lots of times as a housewife   or woman we do so much to take care of our families we start asking ourselves “when we will it be our turn”, when will someone take ca re of me(wash my clothes, make sure my meal is on the table, clean up for me, see to my every need, etc). We leave our parents home and while there we learn to do everything to take care of home and then we get married and we still taking care of home. Just gets a little frustrated sometimes even for the best of us. Always try to remember what God says to do what I need to do and He will take care of me. I have a friend who want clean her house because she says her husband and children wont help her and the house is AWFUL! I tell her her husband works everyday   she don’t work people are   not gonna see  her husband as nasty its a reflection of her. Thanks for giving women a VOICE.

  10. Yolanda

    Great article! The statement “A power couple presents a united front as parents and refuses to allow the children to divide and conquer them” is so strong.   It is important to be  parents to our kids and not their homeboys and girlfriend. When the line isn’t clear, we open the door for manipulation and game. And often the kids take this same dyfunction into their adult relationships.

  11. Rhonda J. Smith

    Another great article, my friend. You have given us great points to help us truly see what a power couple is and provided a  blueprint to help us become one. I’d like to add that a power couple doesn’t compete with each other or isn’t jealous of each other but encourages the other to excel in their gifts.

  12. Kevin

    I’m on board with everything except the “God” part of it.  I don’t believe in God, but my wife does – it doesn’t define us.  But we have a very strong relationship which others look up to while we seek mentors to look up to as well.  Faith is great – but it is not critical for entrance into “the next level” of a great life.    

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Your Need for Control is Literally Killing Your Marriage!!

BY: - 1 Dec '11 | Marriage

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What do many people do when they don’t get their way or when they think they are right and need to convince others of it? Answer: They begin to exhibit behaviors such as whining, pouting, getting angry, arguing, nagging, and being manipulative.

We learn this type of behavior as young kids and unfortunately we take these bad habits into our marriages. Authors William and Carleen Glasser call this external control and they say that external control can literally kill your marriage. In the book, Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage, the Glassers say:

Both partners are using a world psychology that we call external control. It is a world psychology because almost all human beings marry, and when they have difficulty with each other in the marriage, they employ this psychology. The use of this psychology is by far the main source of marital unhappiness.

People use external control because they think they are right and they try to coerce their spouse into seeing it their way. But normally, you do not get your desired results when you try to control another person (especially your spouse.)

My kids can attest to this. If they start to whine, cry, pitch a fit, or throw a tantrum in order to get their way, they usually make me upset. And in addition to NOT getting their way, they also have to deal with the consequences of their behavior.

I can also testify that when we were first married, I tried to use external control on my husband ..unsuccessfully!!   Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t consciously saying I am going to control my husband. It’s like I instinctively reverted to behaviors that I have used and seen all my life. If I could not convince my husband to see it my way, then I got mad, I got silent, I got irritable. I was convinced I was right and I was determined to make him understand my point. And guess what he did? He tried to ignore me, he was annoyed, and sometimes he got irritable. But no one got their way.

The Glassers say instead of trying to control each other, we need to choose a better way to interact. And that’s what I had to do.

  • I had to realize that the only person that I could control was myself.
  • I had to learn that if I wanted to see some changes in my relationship, that I first had to make some changes myself.
  • I had to learn to see things from different perspectives. And that most of the time there was more than one way to address an issue.
  • I had to realize that even when I am right that perhaps my solution for dealing with the issue may not be the best. And this takes me to my next point…
  • I had to learn to compromise.

I am still a work in progress and I do slip back into my old behaviors occasionally. But I do know that without fail, that when I start with me the results are so much better for my marriage.

And this reminds me of something that Rev. Judge Penny Brown Reynolds said during her keynote at The Heart of Marriage Retreat in September (as yall know “...I love to attend marriage ministries/retreats/conferences.) Since it was a room full of women, she said: Your husband does not want/need another mother. She told us if we are having issues with something we have three choices: 1. come to an agreement, 2. leave it alone, or 3. take care of it yourself. But nagging, whining, and controlling your spouse is not an option for your marriage.

BMWK Family ““ Is external control causing problems in your marriage and other relationships?

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 512 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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