Have you been thinking the honeymoon is over? Maybe it has been for a while or maybe it just recently ended. Husbands and wives are finding themselves in a situation where they feel like the person they’re married to now resembles a person they simply share living quarters with. Your romance has turned more into a real estate arrangement. There’s usually one spouse who feels this way, while the other one is completely oblivious. If you’re possibly the oblivious party, here are signs your spouse is your roommate:
- You can’t remember the last time you two talked: I’m sure you speak every day. You have to! You probably exchange pleasantries on a regular basis: good morning, good night, be safe, how was your day. When’s the last time the two of you had a conversation, where the both of you were engaged, genuinely interacting, and listening to each other? I’m not talking about fighting, I’m not talking about discussing the kids. Communicate with each other verbally, without interrupting each other.
- You’re constantly in two different rooms: Look around. Where’s your significant other? Are you in the living room and he’s in his man cave? Are you in the kitchen and she’s in the bedroom? Are you often in different rooms away from each other? Some would blame it on different taste in television shows. Some would say it’s because they have work to do. I’m not saying you should be under each other all the time, but spending your time away from each other in the same house on a regular basis is not healthy.
- Someone’s always coming and going: You work, you’ve got errands to run, your kids have activities, but the constant go go go is a sign you’re your spouse’s roommate. At some point, your schedules should sync up. Each couple should have their friends, but when you’re spending an excessive amount of time out of the house, including staying out late, something’s wrong.
- You’re not having regular sex, if you’re having it at all: Sex is a very important part in a marriage, and yet it’s often one of the first things to go when things aren’t going well. Think about the last time you were intimate with your spouse. Has it been days, weeks, or months? When you’re in bed together, what do you do? Is one person reading while another person watches TV? Do you even cuddle anymore? If the sex is gone, not only are you roommates, but now you’re bedmates and that’s no fun.
- You don’t bother fighting with each other anymore; you discuss your issues with others: Resentment can easily build if you’re not performing regular maintenance in your relationship. You’re not going to like everything your spouse does, but if you’re discussing it with everyone else but him or her, you have some things to work on. There’s nothing worse than when you’re the last to know about problems in your marriage. If you’ve been telling your parents, your siblings, or your friends about issues you have with your husband or wife, you’re certainly in a roommate capacity rather than a spouse capacity.
Do any of these signs ring any bells? If so, start communicating with your spouse right away about the problems you two are having and start working on things. You’re more than roommates. You’re partners! You’re lovers. You’re friends. You’re in this for the long haul.
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