by Caneeka Elleanor Miller
I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone.
I have taken a poll and the results are in”...
There are times when I feel lonely.
Before you get up in arms about that statement, continue reading.
It’s a feeling from the result of being away from my family and friends.
I look at my son and I want him to be as involved with family as I was growing up and in turn I look at myself not wanting to get so lost in the process of motherhood that I lose my sense of self, neglecting my need to be involved and interact with my friends.
His world is so pristine.
And in him I find a renewed sense of excitement to continue to grow on this journey.
However, in my being translucent and sharing this feeling I received a lot of questions about “Where’s my husband.”
And this is where my piece begins”...
I think many people have a distorted perception of what marriage entails.
Being married doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel lonely.
Being married doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel moments of emptiness.
Having someone as your life partner only satisfies their role as your spouse meaning they can’t fill the shoes of your sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, cousin, best friends, etc.
Some people have it all confused and that thought process will only create a place for disappointment.
I feel that in a marriage we can place extreme expectations on our spouse. We’ve taken a sacred oath and made a vow to be one, however that oneness references the spiritual.
You are still two individuals working to blend your differences, your quirks, your pet peeves etcetera in the best way you possibly can, in order to have a successful and flourishing marriage.
Because you are still two individuals you still have individual feelings about different things.
Your perception will be different.
Your desires will be different.
And your emotions on certain topics will be different.
*Anyone that is married who feels, thinks and likes the same things, share the same opinions and want the same things please share your story.
I have moments where I feel isolated in a place that was once a place of comfort.
A stranger to people who were once so welcoming.
And a rebel to everyone else in between.
Thankful to God for being everything I need.
Even in my moments of insecurity, loneliness, and confusion He still strengthens me BE all that I can BE.
A superwoman by day.
A reflecting poet by night.
A woman with real feelings 24/7.
I just so happen to be a wife and mother.
And if I can’t be honest with myself or those close to me then I am doing my mission an injustice.
Caneeka Elleanor Miller is the author of Smeared Eyeliner and Faded Lipstick poetry collection, activist in helping children who witness Domestic Violence, mother and wife. She blogs transparently about marriage, motherhood, spirituality, and relationships at The face behind the makeup.
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