Out Of The Mouth Of Babes: Marriage From A Child’s Perspective

BY: - 13 Mar '12 | Marriage

Share this article!

single mom

If ever you are curious about your child’s thoughts on a grown up topic like marriage, just ask the question.

During one of those casual conversations with your child, ask him/her how they would define marriage. You, just as I was, may be surprised by the extent of the response. What you will discover in this kind of discussion is that children really are wise beyond their years. They observe and soak up all the knowledge around them, especially that which comes from their parents. Even when it appears they aren’t paying attention or taking note, they are.

The insight we gain just by having a conversation with our children is amazing. I learned this week my 8-year-old daughter has an exceptionally good concept of marriage. When I asked her what marriage is, after a sigh and a smile (as though she had been waiting for someone to ask her this very question) she replied with the following list:

Is sweet
Is love
Is respectful
Warms your skin
Is gentle
Is sentimental
Makes you feel loved
Does not make you feel lonely
Makes you feel appreciated and honored
Is something special
Is not to be tossed around
Is a ball of love
Is a ball of sweetness
Makes you feel good about yourself
Even with flaws they (your spouse) will love you anyway
Makes you relax and count on them (your spouse) for anything
Calms you down

After sharing her list she went on further by stating,  “You must make sure that person really loves you; your spouse can pretend to love you and not really love you. You can’t just pick someone to marry you, you have to be really picky. You go through trouble, but you should still love each other. You don’t have to hurt each other, that’s not love. You should always be kind and gentle and make sure you don’t hurt your spouse’s feelings. Marriage is something that makes you feel excited and makes you feel like it’s easy, even when it’s not. You have to take as much responsibility as the other spouse takes. You always have to stay together. No one walks out on anyone and everyone is fine. Marriage is about making sure the other is safe. It is exciting.”
I was amazed by these powerful words coming out of the mouth of an 8-year-old. I thanked her for her insight and wisdom. I smiled as our conversation came to a close. What makes me the most proud of this particular dialogue is that nearly all of what my daughter has seen and heard about marriage comes from her father and me.

BMWK, how does your child define marriage?


like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!


  • Niambi

    Wow!   I am in awe at what your daughter has said.   She has a healthy understanding of marriage and it is a testament to your marriage with your husband  that she is learning these things from witnessing the relationship that you have with eachother.      

    • Tiya

      Thank you Niambi! I was in awe as well and very proud. She made me feel as though we were doing something right.

  • Bernatta_anderson

    This is a great article Tia.. What some adults don’t know is that children are very wise and intelligent individuals. We as adults can learn a lot from them while they are young keep up the good work with what your children are observing from such beautiful role models

    • Tiya

      I truly appreciate your comment. I agree, our children are extremely wise and they pick up everything, even when we don’t think they are watching. We are their first amd most important role models

  • Shaliya

    This is wonderful Tiya! I have to ask my eight year old what he thinks about Marriage….I’m sure the response will be different coming from a boy!

    • Tiya

      Thanks Shaliya, please share his response.

  • http://www.afrochicmommy.com/ Nicole

    This is beautiful! A child’s ability to recognize authentic love in marriage is amazing. Kudos to your example! My 4 year-old daughter saw a couple arguing and said “they need to get married so they can be happy”.

    • Tiya

      Nicole, I love that!

  • Teresa Business

    This is how I want out girls to see marriage. Thanks for this article!

    • Tiya


      Thanks for your comment.

  • Funches22400

    Unfortunately, I have never been married so my twins have never experienced living in a household with two parents at one time. I still want to know what they think so I must ask them. Their take may be interesting. Great article Tiya.

    • Tiya

      Thank you! Yes, please ask them. They still have their ideas of marriage

  • Mrsmcphearson

    Wooooooooow. this was great. You just gave me something to talk to the kids about tonight. this could help us in so many ways. if they see something crazy or is not right and we the husband and wife  don’t  no that we are showing that. That’s the very thing we can start to work on. Tiya this  is great I love it. I  cannot wait to hear what the kids have to say.