Your Relationship Is Like A Seed – Let It Grow

BY: - 12 Mar '12 | Marriage

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by Chioma Okoroafor

My husband is a good teacher, a kind of philosopher who loves illustrations. On one occasion, he brought a seed, of a particular fruit I love so much and suggested we plant it behind the house. I agreed because it simply meant I would have enough of the fruit at my disposal.

Three weeks gone and the seed were yet to spring out. I suggested to my husband that we either dig out the plant maybe we planted it too deep or plant another seed but he advised I should be patient. My husband kept watering and nurturing the seeds that were yet to sprout. At a point I was nonchalant and tired of the process, which was quite slow. Today, I enjoy the fruit I was reluctant to nurture. I consumed the fruit more than my husband who spent time nurturing it. Its ripen stage seems more entertaining than its nurturing stage.

As I consume the fruit with so much relish, my husband reminds me of the essence. He says, “The seed is like our day to day relationship with our spouse, colleagues, business partners, family members, children…”


  • We build relationships and want them to become all we desire them to be in a matter of days and seconds.
  • When we give in a relationship, we expect that it produces immediately to meet our needs. We give to get in the present, not in the future.
  • We invest a little time, effort, money in a relationship and when they do not give us the returns we expect, at the time we anticipate, we become nonchalant and lackadaisical towards the individual, writing the individual off (thus underestimating the value of the person).
  • We have too much expectation and when they come in tiny bits, we get disappointed.
  • Most people do not want to spend time nurturing a good relationship but want to enjoy fruits/benefits from the relationship.
  • When we get into a relationship we want to make amendments and adjustment for everyone involved, if our expectation, hope and objectives are not being met.
  • People want to eat what they never spent time growing. If we look at it the other way round, this is where people cheat on their spouse or stay single for life because they want someone “already made.” Stop complaining about his/her looks or character or inability to do this or that.


  • To build a good relationship, we must acquire the virtue called patience. Everyone has excesses, weakness and strengths but you have to be patient to put up with them. These characters have to come out before you can mold them. A relationship is not fully built until everyone in it can be bare, free to be himself/herself to give ample opportunity to easily understand each other without melting judgment.
  • A good, healthy and long lasting relationship is built on giving all with no expectation that the individual or persons will reciprocate. Sometimes we are building people for life not necessarily for ourselves but for a generation or other people.
  • Time is of the essence in a relationship.
  • Don’t see relationship as a chore but an investment that will benefit everyone around.
  • Enjoy every time and effort put into your relationship. That way, it is easy to live with people irrespective of their shortcoming.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Think for a moment: have you always been the way you are today? It’s a definite no! You are changing, you are growing, you are progressing, you are advancing”... And you know why? It’s because someone or some people chose to believe in you even when there was nothing to believe in. If you could change with time, learn to give others the same chance to change or grow without judging.

TRUTH: You cannot get all you want at the time you want. You must learn to compromise and stop judging.

Chioma Catherine Okoroafor is a relationship manager with a financial institution, a writer, a motivational speaker and a public relations consultant who believes that the world can be a better place to live in if relationships are molded properly from the small units of human institutions like: the home, workplace, classroom, street. She is a best friend to her husband and two lovely children.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1250 articles on this blog.

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8 WordPress comments on “Your Relationship Is Like A Seed – Let It Grow

  1. SocaMom

    After almost 8 years married and 10 years as a couple, we are beginning to see the fruit of our labor!  We have worked pretty hard at making this a good marriage for ourselves and the kids, and we get to celebrate that with every date night we so carefully plan, and each movie night that we spend with the kids.  It is so true that a relationship is built, and that it takes patience.  Thanks for an insightful post!

  2. laketarenal

    This is a beautiful analogy for a marriage.   It does have to be nutured and tended to and takes a great amount of patience for it to bloom.   Too many lack that important trait and simply want to reap the benefits of a good strong marriage, but don’t want to put in the effort, time, and selflessness energy it takes to get it.   If these ones don’t get what they want right now they feel like their spouse is disposable and they’re moving on to the next one without realizing they they’re setting themselves up for failure.   Only when we learn to give with out expecting anything in return do we really find true happiness.  

  3. Pingback: Your Relationship Is Like A Seed – Let It Grow | Black and Married With – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family « wtpdiaries

  4. Reggea

    Very well written. It could have been our story, of me and my wife. She is more impatience, doesn’t want to wait and see and wants everything right away. I liked to think things over, take time to look for other answers or solutions. After nearly 21 years of marriage the relationship is getting still better, we just have to keep communicating on every level.

  5. Pingback: Let Your Relationship Grow Like The Seed It Is

  6. Grace Pamer

    Great post. I totally agree on the patience issue. It is the key as far as I’m concerned to a happy long lasting marriage (well that and the occassional love letter but then I am biased on these things!)

    I’ve told my readers to come check this post out and pointed a link to it as I think there are some great take aways here. I hope the extra eyeballs help stir the debate.


  7. Sherelle

    Thank you for the reminder that our relationships need time and care to grow! I am the worst at being patient despite always telling my clients that it’s okay when things aren’t exactly the way they want. It is so true that our relationships are a growing entity of their own and where we are now is simply part of the process of growth!

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Stress Less, Love More

BY: - 12 Mar '12 | Marriage

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Bills, children, work, school, schedules and performing a weekly balancing act all contribute to the largest amounts of stress in most people’s lives. And after all of that, we eventually remember to love.

With everything else going on in our lives, love and our most intimate relationship end up toward the bottom of our list. The majority of us are pretty confident that our partner will be there because that is the one person that truly understands all that we have to get done in this life. They understand because they usually have the same things going on at the same time.  Our assumption our spouse will always be there and that we will eventually get the time for love provides us the excuse we need to put our energy and focus into all of the other “to do” items.

The finances, balancing family and career and everything else that comes our way contribute greatly to our level of stress. It becomes hard to focus when our mind is constantly in worry mode. The reality is those “to do” items aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so our focus must become how to maintain the love and happiness in our marriages in the midst of it all.
While we may sometimes feel as though we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, having a partner by our side can make life so much easier. If we allow them too, our spouse can help to relieve a great majority of our stressors.

Sometimes physical touch, if just for a moment, can help us quickly escape from it all. A back or foot massage from our spouse reminds us that we are loved in addition to helping us relax. Holding hands, a kiss and a comforting and lengthy embrace all are great forms of touch to share with our mate. Don’t forget about the healing power of making love. Frequently experiencing that level of intimacy has great benefits including reducing the risks of certain illnesses, making us less irritable and contributing to an overall positive attitude.

A conversation can also go a long way. Occasionally we just need to talk through our challenges to someone who loves and understands us. Sometimes our mate doesn’t even have to say a word. Being heard is often times what’s needed the most in a specific moment.

During those times we may be too frustrated or tired to verbally communicate, taking a walk with our spouse is comforting. Without saying a word, it is calming to know our spouse is there. Being in their presence is soothing enough.

Music has always been a great way to relieve stress. Adding our spouse to the mix is even more fun. Playing our favorite song and sharing a dance with our mate brings our focus back to what’s most important: LOVE!

Planning ahead with schedules and bills will ultimately avoid stress in those areas altogether. We along with our spouse can budget and put a plan into place that will allow us more time in the areas we have previously neglected.

Life is going to continue to happen; it won’t stop just because we’re stressed. However, our blessing is in the person God has blessed us with. When things get too complicated or we feel too worn out, isn’t it a great feeling to know we have someone to turn to?

BMWK, how do you and your spouse relieve stress together?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and


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