We’ve All Seen That Couple

BY: - 13 Apr '12 | Communication

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We’ve all seen that couple at a nearby restaurant table, sitting in silence with tension, anger, and sadness seated like uninvited guests –guests who refuse to leave until someone is mature enough to apologize. I recognize that couple because my husband and I have been them on numerous occasions.

However, after 16 years of marriage, we don’t allow problems to progress to that point anymore. Neither do we sit awkwardly over food that doesn’t taste good because we’re not feeling good about our marriage. Today, when I see that couple, I remember the feeling, and I say to my husband, “Let’s not go back there again.”

We don’t want to be that couple in the restaurant or the couple who is . . .

Distant and cold toward each other

Friendly roommates who share a house together

Happy in public but miserable in private

Cursing and hitting like it’s a regular occurrence

Drowning in loneliness even after a decade of marriage

Belittling and negative about each others’ dreams and appearance

Being that couple seems like a waste of life to me. Frankly, I hated the times my husband and I didn’t communicate well or when we were emotionally distant from each other. The deep love we share would not let us go on living in so much pain. We had to break free by doing whatever it took not to be that couple. And, when we decided to grow up, to humble ourselves, and to live like the Christians we professed to be, we were able to see what type of couple we could be:

Spouses in-sync with each other emotionally, spiritually, and physically

Best friends who laugh uncontrollably

Lovers who are free to be wild and spontaneous

Cheerleaders who never stop encouraging each other

Business and ministry partners working to better our community

Authentic examples for our child and others who look up to us

That’s the type of couple we desire to be. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the hard work. And because my husband and I love to try new restaurants together, we vow not to waste our time or our money eating in silence. There is no room at our table for that couple anymore.

BMWK, what type of couple do you want to be?

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson wrote 76 articles on this blog.

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online international women's ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker, teacher. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.

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11 WordPress comments on “We’ve All Seen That Couple

  1. Lawandaweldon

    Wow.   We have been that couple once and it felt bad.   I am realizing despite how good we communicate sometimes it just is not enough.   This is  a constant reminder (especially to me) not to allow circumstances or disagreements to linger long enough to fester into public and private times with my husband.

  2. Emsims77

    Great article!!  We too have been that couple as well and it is no fun but I love the part when you say, “the deep love we have each other wouldn’t let us go on living in that pain”   Real love is a beautiful thing!!
    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Ronnie_BMWK

    We are working hard not to ever be that couple and to keep the communication and intimacy in our marriage strong. I grew up seeing couples like that and it made me want different for my marriage.

  4. Niambi

    Thank you Dr. Michelle!   The bible says in Ephesians 4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath…”   It is reminder to not let anger overtake you and  cause division in  your marriage and in your relationships with loved ones and friends.

  5. Russ & Asia

    We know “that couple” all too well. This is an incredible article and I’m sure many can relate, though we hardly see this (the coldness and distance between a couple) portrayed as something a relationship can bounce back from. Oftentimes it’s shown in ways that can easily be mistaken for two people not being compatible enough or in-love enough.

    Having a common goal other than the marriage has been HUGE for us.  It’s easy to think of the common goal as the marriage itself, but really, it’s been our side projects, learning new things together, and investing in each other’s dreams that keeps us laughing and smiling across the dinner table. Dr. Michelle, this piece has a wonderful message- many thanks for sharing!

  6. Pingback: Marriage is for Soul Mates not Roommates | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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