6 Mistakes Newlyweds Make During Their First Year Of Marriage

BY: - 3 May '12 | Marriage

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by Charli Penn-Watkins

We learn as we go. Marriage works that way. No matter how painful the lessons, we appreciate the wisdom that follows them. Our marriage will turn two this year, and the other night over dinner Man and I had a great conversation about our successes and failures from year one. This is a list of some of the mistakes we made that we’ve seen or heard of other newlyweds making also. Can you relate?

Succumbing to baby pressure

“When are the babies coming?””...”You don’t want to be too old to keep up with your kids do you?””...”There’s no such thing as the “˜right time’!””...We’ve heard them all, hundreds of times “” mostly after we got married, but a few times before also. It’s been exhausting coming up with new and polite ways to say, “Please, mind your business.” My husband and I have always been very clear on why we’re choosing to wait, but I’m here to tell you, enough of this talk from your FWKs (Friends With Kids) and you’ll actually find yourselves going, “Wait”...what are we waiting on again?” Luckily, we snap out of it before we wind up on a road we’re not ready to travel, but we have seen other newly married couples catching baby fever from their FWKs and throwing their original plan out the window. Let me be clear here: Having a baby is not a mistake. But, I do believe that if you and your spouse decide to become parents because you feel like it’s what all the other adults around you are doing or because your friends and family want you to, you’re making the mistake of putting others’ needs and goals before your own, and that’s just no good.

Ignoring the money discussion

Money is the root of a lot of evil ““ this we know ““ and not discussing it properly with your new spouse can also mean the demise of the trust in your marriage, if you’re not careful. (Trust me, we’ve experienced some of this first hand.) Before the “I do”s it’s easy to justify keeping your finances separate, especially if you’re both very private people. But, when you agree to share a last name, a life, and a home, like it or not, you’re agreeing to share finances too. If you’re resistant to this idea, and you’re juggling a lot financially within your marriage, suddenly you’re using phrases like “my money” and “secret savings” and being very defensive and petty about the earnings you bring to the table. How you choose to divvy out your finances is a decision you must make together ““ I’m just suggesting you talk about it day one, not the day after you find out one of you has been stashing cash and lying about it. Those arguments are brutal, dangerous, and totally avoidable.

Comparing themselves to other couples

They have a house but you rent. They can afford a housekeeper, but you can barely afford premium cable. Your last romantic getaway was courtesy of a Groupon deal to Jamaica, and they just posted fabulous photos from their luxurious Turks and Caicos getaway. So you’re living different lives ““ who cares?! If you let what other couples have turn your eyes green, you’ll be so distracted by trying to keep up with their marriage you could lose track of your own. Enjoy your married friends; don’t envy them.

Read the other three mistakes (think you made any?) over at Man, Wife & Dog.  

Charli Penn-Watkins is the blogger behind  Man, Wife & Dog. A newlywed that’s blogging her way through all the ups and downs of marriage, Charli is also the relationships editor on Essence.com. Check her out on Twitter at  @ManWifeDog.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1158 articles on this blog.

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3 WordPress comments on “6 Mistakes Newlyweds Make During Their First Year Of Marriage

  1. ManWifeDog

    As always, I’m so thankful for the support. I’m glad you found the piece do be worthy of a share. Looking forward to the feedback from your devoted readers. 🙂

  2. Estelle

    Great article! As newlyweds we have had beware of these pitfalls. Our standard response to people when they ask about babies is “Well just as soon as he gets pregnant we’ll let you know” Most ppl don’t catch it 🙂

    BTW, Money isn’t the root of all evil – the love of money is

  3. Pingback: 6 Mistakes Newlyweds Make During Their First Year Of Marriage | Black and Married With Kids.com – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family « wtpdiaries

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New Show Challenges Married Couples to Have A Week Of Sex

BY: - 7 May '12 | Marriage

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Lifetime has a new show out called “7 Days of Sex” and although the title is a bit racy, the show is actually very eye opening and insightful. The show consists of married couples, two per episode, taking on a challenge to fix their relationships by having sex every day for a week. Many people would welcome this idea but it is not as easy as it sounds. Viewers watch as the couples try to integrate this challenge into their daily routines and it forces them to confront other non-sexual issues in their marriages.

For instance, Chantal and Derek James, the only African American couple so far, have been having issues because Derek feels neglected because Chantal’s attention is mostly focuses on their three toddlers. Chantal feels like her work is unappreciated and is hurt because Derek never officially proposed to her and never gave her a ring. Although the couple only completed six of their seven days of sex, they were forced to confront these issues. Chantal had Derek spend a day at home with their kids and he was able to see what she went through on a daily basis. He also took her out on a date with one stipulation: she couldn’t speak of their kids for the whole date. Chantal failed and it made her see why Derek felt neglected. That incident also made Chantal get a little creative. She decided to play hide-and-go-seek with her kids and husband except while the kids were hiding or seeking, Chantal and Derek were canoodling in a corner or behind a door.

As a single but committed person,   I like to watch shows like this because it gives me lessons that can be applied to my own relationship and   a future marriage. I was really happy to see this couple because it is always good to see African American couples on television. Also, I got to see them in their element instead of a pristine image. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like seeing happy Black couples but I also like to see how couples work out their issues. Overall, it is a good show and there is something to learn from every couple on the show, regardless of their couple.

You can catch “7 Days of Sex” on Thursday nights at 10 pm EST on Lifetime. You can also catch it online here.

BMWK, have you watched this show? Would you and your spouse try this challenge?

About the author

Ashleigh Atwell wrote 38 articles on this blog.

Ashley Marshall-Seward is a mom who does it all! She is the creator behind MommyWeek.com where you can discover a wide variety of topics relating to women & family from food to travel. She is a homeschooling mom to three and wife of 13 years. Ashley seeks to inspire and motivate women daily!

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