What You Are Expected To Bring To A Relationship

BY: - 23 May '12 | Marriage

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by Grace Pamer

We all enter relationships with many expectations from the other person. As a couple passes through the milestones and natural stages of their life together, these may change and some may come to be more important than others. But one thing is for certain: if your expectations are not met, and in fact become disappointments, your romance is in trouble.

Just as each of us has a set of expectations in such a situation, we should recognize that our partner holds expectations as well. And while many of these will be the same as your expectations, some may be different, more personal and specific. But as a general rule, there is a set of expectations that any potential partner will have of you, and it’s a good idea to get to know them, for your own peace of mind and for the future on any relationship you might be in.

This a word that gets used a lot, but we rarely stop to think about what it really means. If you have real and true consideration for your lover, you are putting his or her needs first, before your own. You are always thinking about what the impact and consequences of your actions, words, and behaviors might be on him or her, and acting accordingly. You master impulsive behavior because you don’t want to cause pain or discomfort to your partner by anything you say or do. And when it is necessary for you to express your own needs, you do it in such a way that he or she feels that you are being positive, and not being critical. You are expected to be considerate.

This is another overused word that sometimes seems to apply to everyone but the two people in a relationship. True compassion is a state of mind that allows one person to feel what the other is feeling, or at least to be able to use some imagination and get close to it. The practice of forgiveness follows from having compassion, because you realize that everyone makes mistakes or has life events that can’t be changed, and everyone needs to be forgiven. Tolerance is also a necessary part of compassion, because you must allow for differences and overlook them when they cause problems. You are expected to be compassionate.

Another way of saying that you are expected to be understanding, having comprehension also includes the idea of being a thoughtful and rational person in a relationship. There is a place for passion and romance of course, but these should never overpower the application of thought to a situation. Your partner needs you to be able to feel emotion, but to use rational thinking as well when it is needed. Understanding comes from taking in all aspects of an event and then thinking about it, asking questions, and finally seeing the truth. Your lover will expect you to comprehend, not just understand.

Perhaps the most important of the expectations your partner has for you, commitment is what makes all the other attributes meaningful. Loyalty and trust are expected to be a vital part of a serious relationship from the beginning, and without them there can be no promise of a future, no promise of continued love, no promise of absolute fidelity. You will be expected to have a sense of commitment to your partner.

A successful relationship happens when the expectations of each person in it are met or exceeded. As time goes by, these will become accepted as given, and trust can develop along with love and romance.

About the author
Grace Pamer is a work from home mom and the author of www.RomanceNeverDies.com, one woman’s on going quest to get her husband reacquainted with the art of writing love letters.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1197 articles on this blog.

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10 WordPress comments on “What You Are Expected To Bring To A Relationship


    Very nice list Grace. And I agree that committment may be foundational of them all.

    Truth –> “…there is a set of expectations that any potential partner will have of you, and its a good idea to get to know them, for your own peace of mind and for the future on any relationship you might be in.”

    Thanks for sharing.

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I Love The Way My Marriage….

BY: - 24 May '12 | Marriage

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I love the way my marriage makes me feel secure. I have a husband who is calm, centered and free of drama. He’s there, day in and day out and it gives me a rock to cling to when my world is a bit shaky.

I love the way my marriage makes me feel grown. When I can sit with my husband and have a discussion about something that used to be a heated topic, I can attest to our growth and our willingness in the past to work out these kinks in our relationship.

I love the way my marriage gives me a mirror. I see myself reflected in my husband’s moods. If he comes home and seems like he lost some pep in his step after he crossed our threshold, then I need to check something about the atmosphere or the attitude I’m presenting. But if he seems to sink into the comfort of his home after a long day, I know I’ve done something right.

I love the way my marriage makes me feel like I can just “go for it.” I feel pretty confident that no matter the outcome of a particular situation, there’s nothing we can’t bounce back from, so why not take that chance?

I love the way my marriage gives me hope for my children. My children are 5 and 3 but they know what a happy, healthy marriage looks like and that gives me hope that they will absorb our lessons and use them to develop happy, healthy relationships in the future.

I love the way my marriage teaches me the importance of selflessness. We’re all selfish people at our core – it’s key to our survival. But keeping my relationship with my husband strong requires me to, at times, put his needs before my own. I have to keep in mind that the two of us need to be aligned with what the other person needs and then do our best to fulfill those needs.

BMWK family – fill in the blank. “I love the way my marriage _______.”  

About the author

Tara Pringle Jefferson wrote 277 articles on this blog.

Tara Pringle Jefferson is managing editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. She\'s also the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she\'s too tired to remember.


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