When I Don't Want to Be Superwoman—3 Jobs My Husband Has to Do

BY: - 28 Jun '12 | Marriage

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I’m not one who’s big on predetermined roles in relationships but after 5 years of marriage (and 7 years of dating) I’ve come to realize that there are some things that my husband HAS to do. There’s no negotiation, bartering or exchanging””these are jobs I need him to do or else I’m a nervous wreck.

The jobs I’m talking about have nothing to do with wedding vows but are smaller jobs that keep our marriage together on a “day to day” basis. There’s no discounting how important these smaller things are because when I’ve tried to “handle” them””things have gone down hill quickly!

As you read these jobs some will laugh, while others will shake their head for me not being that “independent” woman””that’s fine, I can admit that even women like myself can’t do it all.

1. Our household’s automobile repairs, needs and potential accidents. I am notorious for not taking care of my cars. I forget to get oil changes, I run into objects and I’ve even been known to even forget to put gas in my car. All of these situations have lead me into situations where someone’s mad and I’m an emotional wreck so when we got married, my husband agreed to take over ALL of our automobile needs. All I would have to do is fill my car up with gas and drive it.

Just last week a sensor went off in my car indicating that something was wrong with one of my tires. I reluctantly went and put more air in it but it still stayed on. By the time I got home I was highly irritated so I gave my husband the keys and asked him to handle it. There was no way I was going to go into a car repair shop and listen to some man explain some car “mumbo jumbo” with me looking at him like he was speaking Spanish. Knowing I was frustrated he took my car and made the light go off. I did not ask him what he did I just knew that now I could drive my car without a sensor coming on. For years he’s tried to convince me to learn how to change a tire, change my oil but I refuse to listen. Isn’t that what’s he and AAA are for?

2. Fixing major repairs around our house. I’m not talking about minor repairs (clogged toilets, drains, etc) but major repairs that come “out of nowhere”. There’s something about either a major appliance breaking or going out that can send me hovering in a corner. I start to calculate the cost and time and all reason goes out the window!

Last winter the heat went out in the downstairs of our house in the dead of winter. We had just came home from a weekend in Florida and when we walked in, I felt like I was still outside. I called the Home Warranty company and like always they began to use all kind of legal language to basically tell me that appliance wasn’t covered by our policy. I was cold, angry and about to start yelling so I did what I knew was best. I handed the phone to my husband and took the kids upstairs while he dealt with them. Less than 24 hours later we were sitting nice and toasty in some heat””courtesy of my husband’s negotiating skills.
There are other crisis around the house that come up and there is nothing more comforting when my husband says, “Let me handle it.” I swear I feel like a thousand pounds are lifted off my shoulders and those words allow me relax instead of going into a panic. Knowing that at times he may be at work or not able to take care of it, I know how to handle most repairs but it just makes me relaxed knowing most of the time I do not have to.

3. If an unwanted animal is found on our property””I go into paranoid mode. I hate anything that crawls or scurries especially snakes, mice, squirrels. So imagine how hysterical I was when I found out a squirrel had gotten into our attic! Panicked by thoughts of waking up with a squirrel on my chest, I had to pack up the kids and leave our house while my husband found a way to get out of our house. Everyone thought I was being dramatic but I literally would think about it and go into a frenzy. My husband agreed to “take care of it” and within 24 hours he called and told me he had trapped the squirrel and it was okay for us to come home!

There are other things my husband does that he doesn’t get enough credit for. If we hear a noise in the middle of the night, my husband goes downstairs to investigate the noise (usually called by some random object falling) and calm our fears. If something comes up at work that has me on the edge he calms me down before I go into a crisis mode. I can’t always be independent so I’m grateful to have a husband that is strong when I’m weak!

In the end, when my husband handles these “crises” it allows me to relax and take care of all of the motherly/wifely duties that I have to do.

BMWK family, what are some jobs you expect your spouse to do?

About the author

Franchesca Warren wrote 44 articles on this blog.

Franchesca Warren is writer, author, blogger, educator, runner, entrepreneur, mother and overall BossyGirl. She's currently working on her second book detailing her chronicles of working in two of the roughest urban school districts with a release date of August 2012. You can find her full-time on her blog chronicling her life trying to balance it all and run a marathon by the end of the year. In her spare time she runs her own editing company, The Editing Nerd, and working on the launch of her first magazine. For a daily account of the good, bad and ugly of being a BossyGirl follow her on Twitter!

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26 WordPress comments on “When I Don't Want to Be Superwoman—3 Jobs My Husband Has to Do

  1. BrothaTech

    (I’m sitting here at the dealership getting my wife’s car serviced as I type this)

    I may be about to stir the waters with this reply, but most of those jobs men subconsciously take on themselves, including (but not limited to)

    – Yardwork & the random bug killing

    Not to try and generalize, but the majority of us are programmed to handle just about all those jobs you mentioned without help (besides the ever-so-supportive nag…I mean, nudge) from our wives.

    Conversely, when it comes to (how do I put this delicately) jobs that have been historically slated for a woman’s touch, we chip in (after an ever-so-supportive nag…I mean, nudge) with those duties as well.

    All that say this, I think that a large portion of men will agree with a woman’s list of jobs a man MUST do. Question is, would the ladies agree with a man’s list of jobs a woman MUST do?

    1. A. Person

      I understand where you’re coming from.

      As I was reading the article, I was thinking “how well would a man’s list of what his wife has to do go over?” If a guy wrote his wife “has to bathe the children/has to prepare the meals/etc…” I’m sure we’d hear a whole lot about balance/fairness/etc.

      I don’t disagree with anything the author wrote and I don’t think her words are mean-spirited at all, but like you, I wonder how open many women are to having their husbands list tasks they “have to do” in their household.

      1. A Carter

        Bathing the kids and preparing meals are things that are done on a daily basis. The list by the author includes occasional things that her husband takes care of. Therefore bathing and kids and preparing meals should be shared duties, especially if the wife works outside of the home as well.

    2. Anonymous

      Well said! I think most rational, non insane, issue ridden woman of a certant age could defintley handle having a list of “must do’s” from her HUSBAND.
      Love this article, The “superwoman culture” has really ended some marriages, and has done a MAJOR disservice to young people whom are growing up watching this dynmic. It has actually reached a point where the “roles” are confused or reversed. Men are left feeling emasculated.

  2. Sheree

    I completely agree. I don’t automobiles, bugs/rodents, home repairs or yard work…Call me old-fashioned, but this works for us! Great article!

    1. Christine

      I’m with Sheree and felt like you were talking about me in the article. Just today my husband had to calm me down before he killed a stink bug that got into the house.

  3. Holi

    I love this list. Before I got married, I remember telling God that my husband MUST know how to take care of the car and deal with all living critters in and around the house. Thank God he heard my prayer and granted my wish. @BrothaTech, you bring up a good point, I don’t know if women would be as receptive to hear that you have a “Must do” list for us, however there are certain things I gladly step up and take care of (i.e. cooking, laundry, etc.) in exchange for the things like car repair and critter control.

  4. kita b.

    Now I don’t feel so bad. I am car illiterate and I’m not ashamed to say it. No matter how many times my husband tells me how to change oil, change a tire, put in oil etc. I go deaf/dumb. Lucky for us we only have one car right now lol. Anyway, some of the things I expect him to do are take out the trash, fix all repairs in and out of our house, the car has always been his thing, help with laundry (only because I hate doing it, but I like folding it) weird I know!! Most importantly, I expect him to kill anything that crawls, flies or gets on my nerves.

    1. A. Person

      Honestly, Ms. Kita, I’ve been so-well trained by society (and women) that I don’t have a “she must do” list. Seriously, it’s been my experience that some women, and especially my wife, will only do what they feel like doing, so having a list is pointless because I’ll end up very disappointed. I’ve learned to roll with it and make it work.

        1. Wayne

          LOL! Pat I think you misunderstood his point or maybe you didn’t but your comment suggest that he is a good man because he “stays in his place” for lack of a better description. I’m sure he would love to make a list, however, contemporary society argues that a man should be capable of doing traditional wife chores when a woman is not expected to do traditional husband chores, all of this at the expense of being labelled a sexist.

  5. Keeley @ My Life on a Plate

    My husband (of 7 years) and I have somewhat traditional gender roles, but this list doesn’t match exactly what goes on at our home. We each maintain our own vehicles (even if that means just keeping up with calling the dealership for service or taking the car to the wash), I need and prefer to be part of negotiations for major home purchases (appliances, flooring, roof repairs, etc.), and I pay all of the bills (from our joint account). I also do traditional female work at home like laundry and cooking… but my husband does all the dishes and walks the dogs.

    I think couples make deals that work for them. My husband isn’t a big fan of numbers and calculations, so I’m happy to pay the bills, do the taxes and be the chief negotiator for our finances as long as he’s happy to keep working hard every day to bring home some cash. I don’t mind cooking because I’m a food blogger and I love making creative and elaborate meals and it makes me happy to see him enjoy the food I prepare. We both hate laundry, but I do the laundry because I hate it less. 🙂

  6. Vanessa

    I think what works for one couple may not work for another and thats one of the beautiful things about relationships. Personally I do not have a list of musts dos ( but I won’t speak for my husband lol) but I think that is due to my upbringing. My father stayed at home mostly with my brother & myself while mother had a very damanding job. So I saw very flexible gender roles. My father cooked, cleaned, participated in our school activities. So I grew up with the expectation that each partner does what is necessary to make the ship run smoothly. I honestly believe that must dos create gendered boxes that I never wanted to be confined to. I will change a tire just as quickly as I will change my baby’s diaper. But that is what works for me. I think the must dos would be a point of stess for me. But I loved the article & felt it was very thought provoking.

  7. Bill

    I’m joining brotha tech and stirring the waters here. Been married 24 years and realized the only thing my wife does that I don’t is bear children. I apologize if this sounds harsh but it’s my reality. Further it’s become expected that “your the man you do it”! However, try identifying womens work and I guarantee you’ll start world war 3! Unfortunately my situation isn’t unique. Many friends have expressed similar circumstances. Can a brotha get a little TLC in return?

    1. Tonya C.

      My husband is a teacher. In the summer while he is off he picks up the slack and handles most things. But I am the household accountant, administrative assistant, and overall organizer. He handles all repairs and serious discipline issues with the kids. We split the rest.

      For the most part, we have traditional gender roles.If he came up with a must do list, I wouldn’t be offended at all as it is his right. He can and should have expectations of my role and if we need to negotiate it then so be it. But I tend to be much more traditional in certain ways so if he declares it I will roll with it.

  8. nylse

    Yes, critters – my husband also has critter duty. He knows I dont do well living with uninvited guests(rodents, raccoons, strange creatures). I’m glad they don’t frighten him.

  9. John Glover

    As a husband and MAN, i think and feel that these are things men SHOULD take care of for the reasons stated above plus it just adds the sense that the man cares.

  10. Troy

    Hello, I will say this, if the woman is taking extra care of her man, the things that we are talking about on this subject would be done without question.

  11. stacy

    This article and all the comments, just leaves me with such a desire to be married. I am a single (had to do it all yourself mom) and I am just so encouraged by all of the men who openly confess that they dont mind doing what it takes along with there wives to make sure that “the house is a home” and that it is intact. May God bless each of your marriages abundantly in His Holy precious name, amen

  12. Pingback: A costume I am not wearing this Halloween

  13. Samirah

    I completely agree with the author. And, I will happily add that I’m not taking out the garbage. While It am capable, in most regards, of doing just about all these things, I am just a believer that there are specific duties for men and then there are duties for women. While I am not yet married, my significant other clearly understands that I have my role and he has is and they don’t overlap unless necessary. I no longer try to live a life of independence, but I strive to live my life interdependent as this is how we were designed to be. I do respect that not everyone’s relationship/marriage is the same and we must all do what works for ourselves and not others.

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11 Things Women Really Want From Wedding Night Sex

BY: - 28 Jun '12 | Home

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by Charli Penn-Watkins

Now, let’s be honest here: The majority of married couples don’t actually get around to having sex on their wedding night. You might as well scrap what watching all those rom-coms taught you. After all the craziness that is surviving your wedding day in tact, you’re usually drunk, exhausted, or both by the time you get back to your room. That said, who wants to be a statistic? (Especially on their wedding night.) We didn’t!

I say, add “getting laid” to your wedding day to-do-list, right alongside all the other tasks you’ll go bat crazy over seeing go undone. And, if you’re gonna make it a priority, you might as well do it right. Men, here’s a handy little guide to what your wife-to-be will really want to get out of the evening’s activities, and ladies, here’s your first official “honey do” list.

A Good Laugh

Undressing is sexy; slipping out of a 20-pound gown is not. It will be funny, and you should laugh long and hard about it. The same goes for all the other “bloopers” you’re bound to experience that night.

Naughty Vows

You’ve already vowed to cherish and protect each other at all costs. Now it’s time to make the juicier promises you fully intend to keep. You get where I’m going with this, right? Let’s keep this post safe for work and let you fill in the blanks.

Background Music

This is the part where the movies got it right. Nothing sets the mood quite like a naughty playlist. [Insert her favorite slow jams here.]

Compliments

Every woman wants to be told they’re the most beautiful bride in the world on the big day. If your betrothed says she doesn’t want the same shameless flattery between the sheets on the big night, she’s lying. Case closed.

Something for All Her Senses

You’ve got the touching covered, but what about her other senses? Be sure the room is scented, styled, and soundproofed to perfection. And, don’t forget the sweets.

This list is just getting started. You can check it out in it’s entirety over at the Man, Wife and Dog Blog.

BMWK family, let us know below what you would add to this list?

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1218 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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