Since launching BlackandMarriedWithKids.com in December 2007, we’ve talked to thousands of couples in one form or another. We’ve communicated via email and Facebook. We’ve also met couples and singles face to face at our film screenings. When the topic of divorce comes up (and yes it comes up often from those who have faced divorce or have overcome it) I see a common pattern.
If more couples knew what the primary cause for divorce was (from my observation), then I think they could avoid it. I know that you may be thinking that the primary cause for divorce is infidelity, communication, or financial issues. But it isn’t. The #1 reason that I see marriages failing is because one or both members of the marriage refuses to do what’s required to keep the relationship together.
You may think that I’m oversimplifying the issue but think about it. Infidelity or money isn’t the issue because we’ve seen couples overcome both with flying colors. Breakdowns in communication can happen with any couple. The issue is: what will you do if it happens to you.
There are solutions and help for all of the issues that modern day couples face, but divorce happens when one or both of them won’t seek that help. Or, perhaps they go to counseling but fail to implement the steps that are recommended. Maybe they know that they’re wrong but take the approach that they shouldn’t be required to change.
The couples that we’ve seen who have overcome all odds, all had the same thing working for them; they were both committed to making the relationship work. The obstacles that they faced were not easy and still may be challenging to this day, but they’ve decided that their relationship and the legacy of their families is worth it.
If you’re faced with these same issues will you decide that your marriage is worth it? Will you be willing to do what’s required to overcome the obstacles? Will you go above and beyond, even when you feel that you’re not at fault? These are questions that you should answer since you now know the #1 reason for divorce.