5 Things Your Spouse Better Not Catch You Doing on Facebook

BY: - 18 Sep '12 | Marriage

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From time to time we see someone’s spouse slipping up on Facebook and wonder, what the heck were they thinking? Perhaps they just didn’t know the dos from the don’ts when it comes to social networking. Since we’re always aiming to help a brotha and a sister out, we’ve come up with a list of 5 Things Your Spouse Better Not Catch You Doing on Facebook!

Click the pages below to scroll through our list then let us know if we missed anything.  

#1 Changing Your Facebook Relationship Status to Single

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After a heated argument or disagreement, DO NOT change your Facebook relationship status to single! It may seem like a good way to lash out while you're in the moment. But after the moment, it will seem really stupid and you'll regret it. As your Facebook friends, it also leaves a pit in our stomach when we see a couple that we love change their relationship status. Lastly, it causes an entirely new set of problems when the haters pop up to celebrate your new singledom with comments like, good, it's about time, and do you. Your spouse will be feeling, none of that!

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Lamar Tyler wrote 2218 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.

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16 WordPress comments on “5 Things Your Spouse Better Not Catch You Doing on Facebook

  1. tara rich

    hey lamar i added 5 more to your list, mention my name when u use them ok…lol i also changed it a bit too…
    10 Things Your Spouse/ or Significant other Better Not Catch You Doing on
    Facebook::: from lamar tyler and Tara Rich i added on a couple…

    #1 Changing Your Facebook Relationship Status to Single:After a heated argument or disagreement, DO NOT change your Facebook relationship status to single!
    #2 Changing Your Facebook Relationship Status to Its Complicated:The dreaded “Its Complicated” may be even worse than choosing Single.
    #3 LOLing Too Much With Old Flames From High School :They aint that funny! This is what you might hear if you get caught LOLing every chance you get with old high school flames. Keep it cordial and dont go too far overboard. Remember to be respectful.
    #4 Liking Pictures You Have No Business Looking At:Youre browsing through Facebook pages that you have no business looking at, but no one will know right? Wrong! What you didnt realize when you accepted that half-naked girls friend request was that youd later be tagged in a picture with her laying naked in a pile of Air Jordans, for everyone to see. lol.
    #5 Quitting Your Job or Any Other Life Changing Decisions:When you make a decision that will effect your family, the best way to handle it would be to have a discussion with your spouse in advance of any rash decisions. The worst way to handle it would be to have your spouse find out via Facebook that youve quit your job.
    #6 You better not be accepting friend requests from people of the opposite sex that you don’t know:it causes problems with your significant other;or spouse, stop and think about if the shoe was on the other foot.
    #7 Don’t send your spouse a subliminal message via your FB status. Everyone knows who you’re talking about: ESPECIALLY if you don’t know how to do it…
    #8 Don’t get phone numbers or messages in your inbox from people of the opposite sex, if you want to leave your spouse or significant other simply do it: because this is a sure way to loose them and their trust… and its admissible in court if they get a hold of the contents… Dont use FB at a dating site… EVER…
    #9 Don’t ever bad mouth your spouse or significant other on FB: once its on cyber its always there,,, and people who should have no business at all in your personal business,,, will and can gain this information to use against the both of you.
    #10 Don’t use FB as a means of getting back,being evil, vengeance, to hurt or embarrass your spouse or significant other: once again everything on FB can and will be used in a court of law… need i say more..

  2. Nicole

    #2 should probably be: Don’t change your relationship status to “It’s Complicated” OR “Separated/Divorced”–especially if you aren’t, hadn’t planned to or never even brought the subject up with each other EVER.

  3. Jai

    Don’t let other people make disparaging remarks about your spouse on facebook without you checking them. However, if your friends would disrespect your spouse then they probably shouldn’t be on your page anyways.

  4. Sonya Camille

    If someone starts flirting with you on Facebook quickly put then in check before your spouse/better half sees it. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you there’s a level of disrespect that that other person is displaying for your relationship. How would you feel if someone was flirting with your better half??

  5. J Allen

    It’s so funny. Me and my spouse aren’t facebook friends. He is FB friends with every stripper or many half naked pictured chicks. He likes many big booty blah blah pages. His status says married. When we had issues he has flirted with many chics. Even if it just telling them they are beautiful. But he has a heart attack if someone says it to me. He was in an Admin in one of those Freak groups and was flirting for fun with chics. He always made it innocent. He doesn’t acknowledge me on facebook. He wont even put he is married to me but his status said married. We both have restricted each other at some point and sent subliminal messages. He has contacted old flames and openly had conversations when we were having issues. There has been so many wrongs. Now we just not fb friends and all the old flames and fb group stuff stop.

    1. K. Smith

      Almost sounds like we’re married to the same person. My husband has done all of the above except been an admin to one of the freak pages. In the beginning of our marriage he lied and said he didn’t even have a fb page. Eventually we were fb friends and our pages said we were married to each other. Everytime I spoke up about feeling disrespected and embarrassed because of his inappropriate actions, he downplayed it and said I’m just insecure. Most recently, he decided to unfollow/unfriend me on instagram and Facebook and block me completely so I can’t see or speak up anymore about what he’s doing. I guess he chose what’s most important to him. I returned the favor and blocked him from viewing my pages. Anyway, know that you’re not alone. I have no idea what he’s doing now but I realize all I can do is control myself and what I do.

  6. Pingback: Stop the Madness! 3 Ways that Facebook is Ruining Marriages | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  7. Sis Noble

    Be sure you aren’t giving a significant amount of attention to a FB “friend” of the opposite sex by liking and/or commenting on their comments and/or pictures 2, 3 or more times a week. It may seem harmless and insignificant to you, but your s.o. may be sensitive to this type of attention directed outside your relationship in such a manner…and it has the potential to develop into a situation of emotional cheating.

  8. ANONYMOUS SA

    My husband’s life revolves around Facebook with 5000 friends mostly half naked women and Instagram. He does all the wrong things on FB,he flirts with these naked women,they exchange numbers via inbox,they send him nude pictures of themselves via inbox,he promises to sleep with them and what hurts me the most is that he discusses our marriage with them. He never chats to the men. He has unfriended his on and off girlfriend since their last break up 7 months ago but the day they get back together I will know about it because they will befriend each other again. Actually 7 months is the longest they’ve ever been apart in the past 4.5 years. We share a Tablet but he is not aware that I know what he gets up to with these young women. He ignores me whenever we are together, he chats when he’s driving and we walk in the mall. He only notices me when he wants sex from me, their inappropriate chats go on until 2am. When he joined FB, he told me it was work related which was a blatant lie. I do not have an FB account myself because he will accuse me of wanting to cheat on him as we all know that he is the cheater in our marriage. If I had to confront him about his behaviour on FB, he would blame me for invading his privacy. He is a selfish man. When his day comes, I will feel sorry for him because God does not want us to take each other for granted like that, it’s ungodly behaviour. I pray for him.

  9. Anonymous

    That’s really a sad statement about your relationship. You already know what he does. Just bcs you are not friends doesn’t make it better. Work on your relationship before it is too late!

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If My Spouse Has a Problem, Then So Do I: Why Compassion is Important in Marriages

BY: - 18 Sep '12 | Intimacy

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When we first got married, my kids and I moved to the DC area which is where my husband is from. Within 5 months, I was pregnant with our first child together and my third child overall. And I had been working from home for a few years, so I was really feeling lonely way out in the suburbs of DC. I was in a new city, away from my family and friends, I was pregnant and full of emotions, and it was not pretty.

One day, my husband shared with me that he had lunch with some of his colleagues which happen to be mostly women. And I had a serious problem with it. I don’t know where my feelings of mistrust came from. He NEVER gave me any reason to mistrust him. He never did anything that was remotely inappropriate or that would cause me to wonder about him. Yet, I felt strongly about him not having lunch with women I did not know.

I argued with him about it frequently. At first he became angry with me because he really did not do anything to deserve my lack of trust. But eventually, he decided to be more sensitive with me and the feelings that I was having – not because he did anything wrong…but because he loved me and saw that I was struggling. Eventually, I was able to see that the problem was all mine – stemming from my feelings of loneliness in the house, my baggage from past relationships, and probably my hormones. I even realized that my field was a male dominated. And that when I work in the office. I am normally the only woman and I do eat lunch with my colleagues.

Having compassion for one another is a marital tool that my husband and I have learned to use in our marriage. Having compassion means that you feel sympathy for a person and you want to do something to help them in their time of need.

So why is it that I have seen so many couples having a lack of compassion for each other:

  • purposely saying things to hurt their spouse’s feelings and then when your spouse admits to being hurt…you rub it in even more
  • delighting in the fact that your spouse has come upon hard times at work or in their other relationships with family or friends.
  • allowing your spouse to struggle with finances or some other personal issue, while you are doing great. Because after all, it’s not your problem…it’s theirs.

The National Healthy Marriage Institute says that: “Compassion is a tool that can help you extinguish anger, motivate you to help your spouse and understand your spouse’s perspective.”  Here are a few more tips they want you to know about having compassion for your spouse:

  • “The key to tapping into your compassion is to change your focus from what You are feeling to what your SPOUSE must be feeling.”  Instead of feeling angry or hurt with your spouse, try putting yourself in their shoes and to think of how you would feel if the tables were turned.
  • “Know that you can’t fix everything for your spouse.”  Sometimes there is nothing that you can do to change the situation.  But you can still be a support system for your spouse as they struggle with their issue.
  • “Make sure you find the right balance between helping your spouse and having them become totally dependent on you.”  Because we love our spouses, we want to make things easy for them.  But don’t be an enabler.  You want to be supportive and you want your spouse to be able to handle their issues.
  • As you become more compassionate with each other, your level of emotional and physical intimacy with each other will be enhanced.   And that’s reason enough there for everyone to start being more compassionate with their spouses ASAP.

BMWK – Being compassionate with one another has the power to lift you both up.  Is this an area that you have struggled with?  Please provide us with examples of how compassion in your relationship has made your marriage stronger.

 

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 478 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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