VIDEO: Black Folk Don’t Get Married

BY: - 17 Sep '12 | Marriage

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We ran across this video from BlackPublicMedia.org that features an online program that they run titled, Black Folk Don’t. This episode addresses the notion that “Black Folk Don’t: Get Married.” It includes Toure, Melissa Harris-Perry, our good friend Abiola Abrams and others challenging the myth that marriage doesn’t take place in the black community. Check it out and let us know what you think about the video and the perspectives featured during the clips. You can check out more from the series at BlackFolkDont.com.

From YouTube:

It seems like now a days it’s hard to find black folk who are ready and willing to say I do, at least that’s what all the media coverage about single black women says. Is this a generational issue or are black folk allergic too long term commitment? Or are they just committing in different ways outside the mainstream?

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2 WordPress comments on “VIDEO: Black Folk Don’t Get Married

  1. The Travelin Diva (Kirstin)

    I agree with the last sista “let’s stop playing into these statistics!” The same things that Blacks folks supposedly don’t do…NEWS FLASH!!! White folks, Asian folks and Hispanics also don’t do them either… Where are the numbers on the amount of white women who are not married?

  2. Oliver

    It’s a generational choice (not issue) and it deals with the refreshing separation of intelligent thought and religious dogma. Marriage is a choice and with the expense, double standards, and immense unpopularity it has with career-driven, information age people it just isn’t the thing to do anymore. You can chalk this up to many things, but in the end it is now unpopular with every race (not a black thing) in 2012.

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Do You Serve Your Spouse? If You Don’t, Here is Why You Should.

BY: - 17 Sep '12 | Marriage

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I am not ashamed to say that serving my husband brings me joy. I don’t know if it is women’s lib or the bad state of current day relationships, but some people are going to have a problem with that statement. “Girl..you’re not a slave..you don’t work for that man!”

While it is true that I am not a slave and I don’t work for my husband, I know that when I put his needs before mine or when I cater to him that it brings him joy (and ultimately it strengthen’s my marriage.)

This is not something that came easy for me in marriage. When we were first married, I still had a few selfish ways in me. I would often think in my head, why should I do XYZ for him? He is not doing the same for me. I had the “what’s in it for me attitude.”

And this attitude showed too! So I would fix his plate, or take his car to get an oil change, or fold his laundry, and I just had a bad spirit about doing those things. It was like..here you go..here’s your plate.

But as time passed, I came to realize that the more I put his needs before my own in the relationship, the better our relationship became. He was so appreciative of the little things that I would do for him that he wanted to reciprocate the love.

I would bring him his plate…and he would kiss me and say you are the best wife ever. Or sometimes out of the blue, he would just tell me how much he appreciated me so much. I would be like: “What..what did I do?” And he would say, you just did XYZ for me.

And now my attitude has totally flipped. I am always thinking: “This man is so good to me, am I doing enough?” Instead of worrying about what he has not done for me, I have actually opened my eyes to see that he has always served me in his own way.

The National Healthy Marriage Institute says that one of the keys to happy relationships is putting your spouse’s needs before your own. This will allow you to create a “spirit of service” in your relationship. Here are five more things they want you to know about service:

  • “The antidote to selfishness is service.”  It’s difficult to be selfish when you are serving your spouse.  Service forces you to put the needs of your spouse before your own needs.
  • “The spirit of service is contagious.”  Give it a try.  They say that your spouse will begin to reciprocate in about 3 weeks.  So continue to be consistent with your service and watch your relationship change!!
  • “Serving your spouse does not mean tolerating abuse or unacceptable behavior.”  If your spouse is abusing you physically or mentally, you need to seek help immediately.

If you are having a problem with serving your spouse, then I ask you to put it to the test.  Make a list of 5 things that you can do every day to serve your spouse and do them  consistently.  And do them with a cheerful heart and without any thoughts of what you may or may not get in return.  And you will begin to experience “the joy and happiness in your marriage that accompanies service.”

BMWK  – Have you experienced selfishness in your marriage? How did you deal with it?

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 519 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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