Where Are You Being Led in Your Marriage?

BY: - 17 Sep '12 | Black Celebrity Marriages

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If you weren’t watching OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network) this weekend then you missed an enlightening interview. Iyanla Vanzant’s show “Iyanla Fix My Life” made its debut. The Show had been promoted for weeks and if you had been a viewer of Oprah’s Life Class you are already aware of the powerful work Iyanla Vanzant does in transforming lives.

Well, her new show wasn’t any different. This premier 2-part episode featured Evelyn Lozado of Basketball Wives. We know Evelyn from her tirades on the popular reality show.

Iyanla, as always, asked thought provoking questions and wouldn’t let Evelyn off the hook about being “a thug among women”, her relationship and being honest about who she truly is. Evelyn’s marriage to Chad Johnson was one of the many topics discussed. Iyanla, in so many words, told Evelyn that her marriage was in trouble. Keep in mind the part 1 interview was just a few weeks prior to the alleged incident of domestic violence.

Iyanla stated that their marriage was in trouble because Chad is the head of that family and Evelyn doesn’t even know where she is being led. How scary is that? We always find varied opinions whenever the subject of leading in a marriage comes up. There are my independent sisters who feel strongly about there not being a leader in a marriage and then there are my other sisters who apply biblical principles to guide their marriage which allows them to trust their husbands as the head of the family, (I fall in the latter category). But can you imagine being in a marriage where the husband is trusted to lead and the wife doesn’t know where she is being led? I can’t.

One of the reasons my marriage works is because I completely trust my husband to guide our family. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

1. He is continuously strengthening his relationship with God. Because he is active in our church, makes Godly decisions regarding us and shares his testimony and the goodness of God with his friends all make it easy for me to trust him in this area.
2. He loves his family. I can rest assured that any decision he makes (even it doesn’t quite work out the way he planned) is because of his love for us.
3. He fully accepts his responsibilities as the head of our household. He never looks for a way out; he takes his rightful position always, without question. This gives me confidence that we, as a family, is headed in the right direction.

I can’t imagine being in a marriage with a man I can’t trust and whose intentions and plans for our family aren’t established. Unfortunately, Iyanla seemed to be on point in regards to Evelyn’s marriage. It is my hope that as Evelyn heals and begins to move forward, she remembers the lessons Iyanla shared with her.

BMWK, Where Are You Being Led in Your Marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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7 WordPress comments on “Where Are You Being Led in Your Marriage?

  1. The Travelin Diva (Kirstin)

    Excellent points. My Mother used to drill in our heads that the ‘man-your husband’ is the head of the household. That’s it and that’s all! She was right.

    1. Tiya


      My experience was a little bit different. My mom never said that and it was a challenge for me in the beginning of my relationship. Happy I am learning this. Thanks for your comment.

  2. Waverly Kelly

    The problem is we don’t understand God’s order in marriage. Men are suppose to be the head and lead as God leads us. When a woman marries a man she says I will follow him (even when she can’t see where he is going) because after all she took the vows that she would fall in the order of God. In fact the bible tells us that if the husband is nit a believer and you took vows with him obey him, because he will be won by the believing wife’s conduct.

    Truthfully I don’t feel sorry for women who get married and then complain about the man later. You can’t tell me that you didn’t see the red flags before you took the vows. You just ignored them and now you want out.

    I don’t feel sorry for men who can’t handle the responsibility of leading a family especially since you took vows and promised to be a provider etc.

    We have to become selfless instead of selfish or the divorce rate in this country will become 3 of 4

  3. stephanieb

    I agree with your article Tiya, and you are definitely blessed to find a wonderful, Godly man who is a good leader, but I must say, those types of men are getting harder and harder to find these days. It easy to say that my marriage works well because I have such a great husband to lead, but for many women it is hard to find a man that is even halfway ready AND willing to lead, even those who are in the church. For instance, my pastor’s son is a few years younger than me and he has a crush on me. He is obviously a man of God, appears to have a solid relationship with the Lord, and is a nice person, but he has no vision and is basically a “spoiled brat.” He has never had to work because his parents take care of him, is still living at home at 28 years old, and in many ways is very immature, especially in how he approaches women. He wants a wife, but it seems to me by his actions and the way he talks that he just wants his own version of his momma, someone to cook, clean, take of him, while he’s running all over the place trying to follow in his dad’s footsteps as a preacher. You have a lot of men like this who seem like good, Godly men and go to church on a regular, but are still quite immature and are not ready for a serious relationship, let along marriage. And don’t even include those brothers who have no relationship with God at all, won’t step foot in a church, and all they care about is chasing tail! There are some slim pickings out here of eligible, Godly men who are responsible enough to lead and actually want to lead. Sad state of affairs!

  4. Alyssa

    How disgusting. You and everyone who has left brainwashed comments of agreement above are pathetic, backwards and despicable disgraces to femalekind. People like you are everything that is wrong with religion. People like you are the reason why I can hardly bear to associate myself I with the title, “Christian,” though I do believe in Jesus and strive to have a personal relationship with him. People like you will continue to alienate sane people from the sick “Christianity” you present. Shame on you for spewing such degrading filth in the name of the “God.” And any man that feels the need to rule over a woman and a household is not a real man at all. While the Bible can be a wonderful guide, the fact of the matter is it was written 2,000 years ago by men who were the products of living in a culture where women were considered subhuman. So to take what it says, especially in regards to what the relationship between husband and wife should look like, literally is absolutely insane. Marriage should be an EQUAL PARTNERSHIP grounded in mutual love and respect for one another.

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