Before I Let Go…

BY: - 31 Oct '12 | Marriage

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ThePerrys

You know I thank God sun rises and shines on you
You know there’s nothin’, nothin’, nothin’ I would not do”

Ba, ba, ba”....

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween”....

Should be one of my favorite holidays of the year, but I typically brush it off.   Don’t know how or why I do, because it was this time, 4 yrs ago while at an Halloween party, in walked Tacoma Newsome”...the most amazing woman I have ever laid eyes on.   I forget what I was dressed as (really, who cares!?)”...but I remember her like it was yesterday.   She dressed up as a beauty pageant contestant”....Ms. Franklin County if I’m not mistaken.   Light Teal blue dress, tiara”...the whole nine.   So fine everyone there thought she actually won the pageant (me included), and just chose to wear it.

I remember being so intimidated by her beauty.   Her face, that smile”...flawless!   She grabbed my hand, and we danced”...and danced”....and laughed.  The song that was playing?   Before I Let Go by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.   As we danced, I realized I was getting all hot and sweaty, not from the miniature two step we were doing, but because I was NERVOUS.   I mean, this was Columbus’ very own Tacoma Newsome, all 5’9″ of her incredible beauty.   If you’ve seen how gorgeous she is reporting the news, imagine her dressed as a beauty pageant contestant, and you couldn’t blame me.   The most alarming thing was just how down to earth she was (and still is), and how she LIT UP THE ROOM.   I mean, seriously, she has a laugh that catches your attention.

This was the night  I actually  realized I had a crush on her (someone else had pointed out to me my reply emails  to her, with a group of our mutual friends included, were full of signs of me being “smitten”, as they would say), but at this party, I realized I actually wanted nothing in life  more than her.   Yeah,  I said it, a CRUSH.    Like, the feeling you had in high school for the person you wanted to go to the prom with”...or when you were a kid and first realized girls were pretty and not  “yucky”.   It was like a scene out of a movie, when you see someone walk into a room, and time stands still.   Yup, that’s EXACTLY how I felt when she walked in.   If this were a stage play, she made an ENTRANCCE.   Man, just dancing with her  made my night.   A month later, I overcame my own personal fears of rejection, “manned up”, and asked her out to dinner.   11 months after that, we were married.   Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to overcome my own fears and self-doubts to step up!

My wife said it best: “It just goes to show, just beyond our fear is a glorious destiny!”.  

She couldn’t be more right.   I look back on that Halloween weekend of 2008, and I’m reminded just how EASY it is for us to take our wives/husbands for granted.   We can get “complacent” in our affection, in our ability to realize this precious gift of LOVE God has placed in our hands, the responsibility to care for someone more than yourself.   I’m always telling my wife just how incredible and important she is to me, but I truly don’t think I appreciate and comprehend  just how incredible she is.

I look back on that chilly Halloween night, in 2008 when a beauty pageant contestant walked into my life and totally blew my mind away, and I realize just how blessed I am.   My beautiful wife, and my Father who art in heaven, PLEASE forgive me for ever taking this love for granted in any aspect of my life!

And Maze feat Frankie Beverly, thank you for helping make the memory!   I hear the song playing in my head, and all I can see is the  MOSTBEAUTIFULLESTTHINGINTHISWORLD, with the  MOSTINCREDIBLESMILE, and the  MOSTINTOXICATINGLAUGH.

Tacoma Perry, you truly do make my LIFE.

Darrell and Tacoma Perry live in Atlanta, Georgia where Darrell crunches numbers for a Fortune 500 company and Tacoma reports for a local TV station. The two are committed to staying madly in love with each other and blog about their marital exploits at  www.soulmatesoversoulfood.com.

Click here to check out Tacoma’s version of what happened that night on their blog Soul Mates Over Soul Food

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BMWK Staff wrote 1181 articles on this blog.

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Why My Wife is My #2, and Still Cool With It

BY: - 1 Nov '12 | Marriage

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I have heard the average marriage lasts less than four years.  So when you are still married, still married with kids, and still happily married with kids after eleven years, then you have learned some things about yourself and your wife.  You don’t have it all figured out, but you know a little more about what works and what doesn’t work in your marriage.

As mentioned above, many marriages do not last like “they used to.”  I am no marriage historian, however I now know, in my eleven years of marriage, what I need in order to be all my wife needs.  I need someone else in my life, and this person needs to be #1, even ahead of my wife.

My #1 Loves Me Unconditionally, My Wife Doesn’t

One of the things which attracts me to my #1, is that I am loved unconditionally.  I mess up all the time.  All the time!  Sometimes I even do stuff that I know is wrong.  But it doesn’t matter, I am still loved.

My wife is amazing, and very forgiving, but I am sure she would admit she doesn’t always love me unconditionally.  Sometimes the level of love and respect is contingent upon what I have or have not done.

Our “Open Marriage” Works Great

I have to admit the more time I spend with my #1, the more refreshed I am  with my wife.  And she can tell the difference.  She now knows that this time is very important to our marriage,  and  is good with it.  The beauty of it, is they know each other, and we all three spend time together.

We do not spend as much time as we all would like to, but the moments we do are amazing.  I have to admit some of our best moments together, even in making love, are the times all three of us have spent significant, quality time together.

Learning to Love and Share This Love

The unconditional love I receive from my #1, has taught me how to love.  When someone loves you in that way, you cannot help but to share it.  I know I do not do it perfectly, but I am able to love my wife in a way I never thought possible because of this.

Just like me, she makes mistakes.  She does and says things to me that I do not like.  However, I can still love her in spite of it.  After all, someone else has done this very thing for me.

No Greater Love, Than Agape Love

Agape love is that perfect love, that unconditional love that is spoken of above.  The love that is patient and kind.  Love that is not jealous, boastful, or proud.  Love that is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and does not keep track of your mistakes.  A love that gets joy and excitement from the truth.  The kind of love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, perseveres and never fails.

That is the kind of love that God has for me.  Yes, God is  my  #1 relationship, the #1 love in my life.  When I prioritize my life, and make spending time with and knowing God the most important, I learn how to relate better to my wife.  I learn to love her, when she is unlovable.  I learn to love her when I just do not feel like it.  I learn to love her unconditionally as best I can.

Who is your #1, and #2?

“Putting God first” has almost become cliche’.  I thought God was my #1.  But when I asked myself a few questions, I found I was mistaken.  Honestly, my wife wasn’t even my #1 sometimes.  Sometimes it was my kids.  Many times it was my business and my work, and a whole lot of times it was me.  Ask yourself the questions I asked myself.

  1. What do you think about?
  2. How do you use your money?
  3. What do you do with your time?

A Fourth Question

You may be unpleasantly surprised with your answers to those questions, or you may know that your answers should be different.  Now, you have  the opportunity to look at your priorities.  As I said above, my #1 is Jesus, my #2 is my wife, my #3 is my kids.  Everything else follows.  The best way to check myself is to be honest in answering those questions.  If I don’t like the answers, my next question needs to be:

What are you going to do now?

BMWK: Have you (really) put God first in your marriage?  I encourage you to do so, and watch what happens!

Follow Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. on  Facebook  and  Twitter.

About the author

Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. wrote 62 articles on this blog.

Jackie is an author, blogger, and speaker who helps men better love their wives and lead their families. He is the creator of The 7 Rings of Marriage™. You can receive his latest BMWK posts in your inbox, plus his latest marriage and parenting posts from around the web by subscribing to his weekly newsletter!

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