Let Your Kids Fall Sometimes, It’s Not Going To Kill Them

BY: - 8 Oct '12 | Home

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This summer I worked really hard to teach our 4 and 5 year old daughters how to ride their bikes. At first they protested, because they were perfectly comfortable with their training wheels. But I insisted and I threw those training wheels away…I chucked them!

It’s been about 6 weeks since they were last on their bikes (as they have been busy with school, clubs and sports.) But we had a beautiful fall weekend here in GA. So, the kids and I put on some sweats and headed outside for some bike riding.  Before  the school year started, I think they were about 90% there! They could ride the bikes. But I was still running along side them and they could not start on their own.

Our 4 year went first and she confidently pedaled down the street. I told her to slow down because I could not keep up. She was like I got this mommy! And then she crashed into the curb. That was the first time she’d ever fallen off the bike. And even though she was not physically hurt (no broken bones, no scrapes, nothing) she was devastated. She was crying crocodile tears and insisting on going home. She did not want to get back on that bike.

After inspecting her and letting her get a short rest, I made her get back on the bike because  I did not want her last thought of the bike to be of the crash.  And, I  did not want her think it would be  OK  to quit after one set back.

From time to time, our kids need to know what it feels like to fall…..to fail. It’s not going to kill them.  It will only make them stronger.  We do them a disservice when we are always putting them in situations where they can only win.  And, when they don’t know what it feels like to lose.  As parents, we can’t run along side them all of their lives.  And you are not going to be there to pick them up and to kiss their boo boos after every fall.

So, while I am happy to see my kids win.  I am OK with them falling, losing, not getting picked from time to time.  As there are  lessons to be learned for them, like:

“Kids Encouragement Cards” found on Hallmark.com

 

  • Feel good that you tried your best.  Or,
  • You know you don’t not practice, so why do you think you should be a starter or the best player on the team. Or,
  • Let this motivate you to practice and try harder, because next time you will do better. Or,
  • Well, I am glad you tried this.  Now we know this is not for you. Or,
  •  Mommy loves you.  Because, some times the only you can do is to encourage them and let them know that you love them.

Can you remember what it felt like to fall off of a bike? Of course you do, because back in the day you were not outfitted in all of those pads and your parents probably were not running along side your bikes for weeks while you learned.  Can you remember not getting picked for a team? Can you remember not getting accepted into a program, a college? Or, how about when you first started interviewing for jobs after you graduated high school or college, did you get turned down?

I want my kids to be able to handle all of those situations, if they come, and to be confident in themselves and to know that they will be  OK.

BMWK – When your kids fall/fail,  How do you encourage them to keep trying new things? What do you hope they learn by “falling” from time to time? What have you learned?

Each new day provides you with an opportunity to have special moments with your family.

Disclosure:     This post is part of a series that is sponsored by Hallmark and the  Life is a Special Occasion  campaign.     All opinions and editorial content expressed are my own.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 478 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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8 WordPress comments on “Let Your Kids Fall Sometimes, It’s Not Going To Kill Them

  1. Niambi

    Thank you for sharing this! If we don’t fall then we don’t have anything left to strive for. It is through our trials and tribulations that we are strengthen and develop character.

  2. Niambi

    I just wanted to share some great quotes on adversity that are inspirational:

    There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time. – Malcolm X

    One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity. – Albert Schweitzer

    Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records. – William Arthur Ward

    If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. – William J. Clinton

  3. Niambi

    Inspirational quote: “There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” – Malcolm X

  4. Niambi

    Inspirational quote: “One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.” – Albert Schweitzer

  5. Niambi

    Inspirational quote: “If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.” – William J. Clinton

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Stopping Domestic Violence is Everyone’s Business

BY: - 9 Oct '12 | Home

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Photo Credit: Holia

In college, I befriended an industrious young man named John*, who I admired because of his entrepreneurial spirit. By the age of 22, he had already started several businesses and was paying his tuition with the profits. John was popular on campus, not only because he employed several students, but also because he was affable and fun to be around.

John hired me as a writer for one of his publications. Since I also worked for the campus newspaper, I became his source for trends that appealed to college students. We spent several hours together in his makeshift office writing, editing, and selecting graphics for the magazine. It was during these late night working sessions that I discovered John’s darker side.

John had a girlfriend, Jane*, who worked at the school paper with me. Jane was quiet, meek, and kept to herself. I was actually a little surprised when I found out that she was dating John, a guy with a huge personality and ego to match. John often stopped by the newspaper’s office and greeted Jane with an affectionate kiss. They seemed like such a happy couple. But it was all a facade.

One day, I noticed that Jane’s face was bruised. I didn’t think much of it at first, but I started to connect the dots as I spent more time with John. He would periodically ask me about the guys at paper and wanted to know if Jane was talking to or interacting with any of them. I’d also overhear their arguments that grew increasingly louder during the time I worked with John.

Jane finally admitted to some of the female reporters that John was abusing her. At first I was shocked, but then it all started to make sense.

I was so angry with John. I felt that he betrayed me. My own history with domestic violence only fueled my anger. I wanted to give him a taste of the pain he had inflicted on Jane, but I knew that violence was not the answer. Instead, I did nothing like so many people do because they don’t want to get involved in other people’s business.

I realize that I was a coward for not directly confronting John. Now that I’m a father, I’ve decided never to be silent about domestic violence again. Men must take a stand against domestic violence. If we don’t ,more women just like Jane will continue to be abused by men just like John.

Please help me stop domestic violence by leaving a comment on this post “Men Must Take a Stand Against Domestic Violence: My Personal Pledge.”  For each comment I receive on this post  during the month of October, I will donate $1.00 to the  Houston Area Women’s Center  (Fund raising goal = $500)

BMWK – Have you ever turned a blind eye to domestic violence because you did not want to get involved in other people’s business?  Do you regret that decision?  What could Fred have done in that situation? Have you ever helped a friend in this situation?  

 

About the author

Frederick Goodall wrote 3 articles on this blog.

Frederick J. Goodall writes the blog Mocha Dad (http://www.mochadad.com). He is a father of three kids.

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