The Single Life: The Model Man

BY: - 30 Oct '12 | Relationships

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As I continue my adventures in dating, I met a male model. Not the “I’m really a waiter by day” model, but the “I’m signed to an international agency and gracing billboards” model. I was blown away by his sparkling smile, smooth skin, piercing eyes and overall goodness. It took a second to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth. He, too, focused on outer appearances and gave me countless compliments. When he introduced me to his crew, his cousin commented that if I wasn’t pretty, his model relative would definitely get an earful. I smiled and said that pretty isn’t enough. That you have to have substance under the surface. I remembered a joke my aunt told me. When you’re in your twenties, you date someone for their looks. In your thirties, you look for personality. And in your forties, you want someone who is financially secure. I laughed and said, perhaps there’s a man who is all three! Although the model is more than a pretty face””he’s actually pretty funny on dates””I wondered why women let looks distract them at times. I’ve been guilty of this in my past. No matter your age, a good-looking guy gets away with more dirt than the average Joe. So, I thought of five expectations you should still set when dating gorgeous guys.

1. Don’t be a Beck and Call Chick

Don’t be overly available for a man who won’t fit you into his schedule. For instance, does he want you to fly out for a visit but won’t take you on a date when he’s in your town? Does he take you on fake dates? In other words, when you get together, are other people along for drinks? Does he only ask you out for coffee, because he’s still deciding if he should pay for a real meal? Of course, economic times are tough, but there are tons of fun and free activities to enjoy, like taking a walk in the park or going to the museum. Just don’t drop everything and change your plans, because he happens to call or text (See #3). Good looks aren’t enough to take a 15 hour Megabus trip to see someone!

2. Don’t Negotiate Your Non-Negotiables

I know negotiables isn’t really a word, but hear me out. One of my male friends always gives this advice to women in our circle. If you are adamant against dating someone with children, don’t. Don’t waste someone’s time when you are uninterested in signing for the entire package. Don’t believe the hype. There are lots of Black men without children, so don’t date one with kids if you won’t accept them. Unless they are put up for adoption, they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Likewise, if your religious rules are something you won’t bend, don’t go out with someone who never goes to church, or reads the Bible if you’re in the choir, and on several committees. I’m not saying not to be open-minded. But I am saying if you know there are things you absolutely won’t reconsider, don’t change your views for a moment, for a good ““looking guy. Trust me, you won’t change your core over time. My sister made up an analogy once about non-negotiables. If someone gives you a plate with mushrooms, peppers, onions and meatballs but no noodles, you aren’t eating spaghetti.

3. Don’t Text Too Much

As mentioned in previous articles, I’m anti too much technology. I love email, social media and cell phones, but I try to strike a healthy balance between my devices. If a man wants to talk to you, he’ll pick up the phone and call! It’s OK to text a question, or a quick line or two, but when you can’t remember what the guy’s voice sounds like and your fingers are developing callouses, there’s a problem. You shouldn’t hold every conversation with texts, or instant messages. Communication is key!

4. Have Fun!

Not everyone you meet is your husband. But, you have to date to get down the aisle. Well, unless there’s an arranged marriage or divine intervention. So, get in a little practice and interact with the opposite sex. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex! But then again, you’re grown. Don’t let others judge you, because chances are they aren’t living up to the standards they’re setting for your life. Dating is a great way to make new friends, travel and live life to the fullest.

5. Get a Confidence Boost

Back to the model at the beginning of this article. He thought I was sexy BECAUSE I was a mom, compared me to Jane Kennedy and loved the things I am a bit self-conscious of concerning my body. I always had healthy self-esteem and never chased compliments. But nonetheless, knowing that I went out with one of America’s sexiest bachelors (Not just my opinion, was actually written up about him”, I felt good. I didn’t date for a year, to heal from a breakup and focus on my new baby girl, so it’s a big boost to my confidence to know I won’t have trouble getting a date in the future!

Take my advice for what it’s worth! My father thinks it’s hilarious that I give relationship advice when I’m single. I tell him that I choose to be single. There’s a difference”

About the author

Heather Hopson wrote 60 articles on this blog.

Not long ago, Heather Hopson was an award-winning television host in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's writing a different kind of story as a new mom. She gives readers the key to her diary and shares personal stories about single parenting, dating, transitioning to motherhood and her obsession with being what her family calls an "activity mom." The site features celebrity interviews, parent spotlights and confessional videos. Follow her journey through motherhood on Twitter @dearmomdiary.


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15 WordPress comments on “The Single Life: The Model Man

  1. DB

    As it relates to the Christian I’d advice godly council in that and we do say no to sex, it isn’t judgment but truth that should drive another to speak on that to you. Essentially not following rules, but knowing God and His will for His people, that is what will give you the desire to do things His way and even if we fall sexually He forgives but one thing I find is now that I know the truth about how God designed us, there is a lot of pain in straying from that and being in position to forgive yourself. So I just wanted to put that out there as Christians we do have a different standard which should be factored in as we’re dating.

  2. Heather H

    Amen! I agree. Sometimes “we” follow our dating rules not God’s. Sometimes that leads to heartache and pain. We live, and we learn. When we focus on God, He brings us wisdom, understanding and clarity to seek things that he desires us to have. Your point brings us to #6 Pray for a Partner. Some people think it’s silly to pray for a mate, but successful couples I know have God anchored in their marriage. While we’re praying, you might as well ask for patience, since lonliness may lead to selecting someone who isn’t the right fit for your life. We tend to know what’s right and what’s wrong, but we try to do things on our own. I always have to remind myself that I may fail at something, but with God all things are possible:)

  3. Ur sister

    I don’t remember saying that-at all
    That doesn’t sound like me, here’s some dating advice, if a man does not get along with his mother chances are he won’t get along with u, or if his mama is crazy & he says u remind me of my mother, u might be a little crazy 2
    Dad said, get a guy that wants/loves u just a little bit more than u want/love him-think abt it cause it does make sense
    And last but not least-if u met ur man in da club don’t be mad when he doesn’t stop going 2 da club, that goes for anything, if u met ur man at church there is a high chance that he will continue 2 go 2 church-point being-people are who they are & u can never change anyone no matter how hard u try 🙂

    1. HeatherH

      Since you are older, I understand that you suffer from memory loss…lol…you did tell me that once regarding someone who had different religious beliefs. So, Jesus Christ was a nonnegotiable…my noodles…lol…

  4. Sheree

    Great article Heather!! I agree with these expectations. Pretty boys have it made and are often attracted to beautiful, confident women who aren’t swooning over them and could care less about their looks.

  5. nadia

    Hey DB, Im thankful u got that out there! As someone in their late twenties i’ve always felt abnormal never having a boyfriend. It is by choice as iv seen ppl get damaged and never want to go thru that. But I am lonely, as much as I know i have a friend in God i feel im defaulting happiness by Being overly ‘Moral’. All the contacts iv had with men have been so forceful, but none of them fully comitted to God. One instance I felt an overwhelming amount of dread and head a scream, i looked back ready to give help and a guy I still think about stood smiling. We went out but there was so much sexual chemistry, I moved houses to never see him.again. lm always running away because Im scared to sin, however I need to have a deep connection with a guy and none in my church do it for me. I hope I dont sound selfish, just baring my soul

    1. HeatherH

      Thanks Nadia for being so transparent. I don’t think it’s wrong to be “overly moral.” Don’t change your expectations, because in the end, you won’t change who you are at the core. I have practiced abstinence in the past, and it can be lonely, but I realized I had to not set myself up to fail. That meant, if I didn’t want things to go too far, I would meet the guy at our date location. Don’t ride to a restaurant together if there’s a greater chance you’ll invite the person upstairs when you’re dropped off at home. Don’t drink alcohol on a date, if a few shots put you in the mood. I’m not saying you run the risk of having sex every time you go out. Just saying that if there is a strong sexual chemistry, don’t tempt yourself if you’re not ready to go there. Sometimes we make things more complicated than what they need to be and live in fear. I’m the last person to preach abstinence as a new mom, but I will say I have learned that I can’t do it alone. Perhaps that’s one reason for the verse about doing all things through Christ. I’ve also talked to male friends who tell me that sex (or lack of) is not a deal breaker. If she is “the one” or possibly “the one,” they don’t mind waiting to become intimate.

    2. Kim H

      Dang and here I was thinking I was the only one that felt that way…Its like that lonliness slips up and trys to choke the very life out of you…and it doesnt help when all ur girlfriends are in relationships..U try to do whats right but that doesnt always work…ppl are always saying do this and do that, but they are not at home with u in the middle of the night when u just want someone to talk to, or to laugh with or to hold u!!!!

    3. stephanieb

      I understand how you feel Nadia, I’m in my early 30’s and am in a similar predicament. It is very tough sometimes, but you can’t compromise who you are and who God made you to be for ANYONE! It is literally a “dog eat dog” world out here, and as the Word says, people are truly “lovers of themselves,” meaning that they could care less about anyone but themselves. It is really just a sign of the times, I feel, and I also believe its the reason why it is so hard to find a mate because most people are just straight up selfish. You have many men out here who could care less about you as a person and having a meaningful relationship with you, but are only in it for themselves and what you can do for them. What can you give them, how good you are in bed, how good you look, etc., this is what most men care about, which is why so many of them can’t be faithful, or should I say, “don’t want to be faithful.” It’s hard out here in the dating world, but you have to take things in stride, enjoy your life, spend time with your family and friends, travel,etc., and trust God that if he has someone out there for you, he WILL FIND YOU. At this point, that is pretty much what I’m trying to do. Be Blessed!

  6. steppy

    This message applies to all women & men first of all God does not reconize any relationship unless your married. He doesn’t care about your Boo, Lover, Honey, All God cares about are wedding vows so take note to this what ever your in including me! If it’s not in God’s sight get out of it!

    1. Heather H

      I would disagree. I think since God cares about us as individuals, He cares about who we keep company with. Perhaps the relationship is not recognized as a convenant of marriage, but it is a relationship, a friendship. Maybe I misunderstood you. If you are speaking to those who “act” married without the act of getting married, then I see your point. I will say that often we (generally speaking) put soooo much emphasis on marriage, when we need to take a step back and ask ourselves if we are prepared for marriage. What can we do to seek God first and become a Proverbs 31 woman, etc. Just because two people believe in God, pray, tithe, go to church, etc. doesn’t mean they are meant to marry. I know sometimes it’s hard to relax, increase your faith and trust in God. (This isn’t directed at you, just something I thought about!) One thing I love about BMWK is that the site gives your lots of information you can put in your toolbox. They let you know that it takes more than just love or a ring but work. Thanks for sharing your opinion!

  7. Stanley

    A lot of your advice can go both ways: Converse, have fun, don’t pressure the situation or demand all their time, and non-negotiables go for both genders- don’t settle for what you don’t want as you still won’t down the line so it’s just asking for trouble. Life isn’t a rom-com.

  8. Pingback: Do You Know a Good Package Deal When You See One? | Black and Married With - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

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Before I Let Go…

BY: - 31 Oct '12 | Marriage

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You know I thank God sun rises and shines on you
You know there’s nothin’, nothin’, nothin’ I would not do”

Ba, ba, ba”....

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween”....

Should be one of my favorite holidays of the year, but I typically brush it off.   Don’t know how or why I do, because it was this time, 4 yrs ago while at an Halloween party, in walked Tacoma Newsome”...the most amazing woman I have ever laid eyes on.   I forget what I was dressed as (really, who cares!?)”...but I remember her like it was yesterday.   She dressed up as a beauty pageant contestant”....Ms. Franklin County if I’m not mistaken.   Light Teal blue dress, tiara”...the whole nine.   So fine everyone there thought she actually won the pageant (me included), and just chose to wear it.

I remember being so intimidated by her beauty.   Her face, that smile”...flawless!   She grabbed my hand, and we danced”...and danced”....and laughed.  The song that was playing?   Before I Let Go by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.   As we danced, I realized I was getting all hot and sweaty, not from the miniature two step we were doing, but because I was NERVOUS.   I mean, this was Columbus’ very own Tacoma Newsome, all 5’9″ of her incredible beauty.   If you’ve seen how gorgeous she is reporting the news, imagine her dressed as a beauty pageant contestant, and you couldn’t blame me.   The most alarming thing was just how down to earth she was (and still is), and how she LIT UP THE ROOM.   I mean, seriously, she has a laugh that catches your attention.

This was the night  I actually  realized I had a crush on her (someone else had pointed out to me my reply emails  to her, with a group of our mutual friends included, were full of signs of me being “smitten”, as they would say), but at this party, I realized I actually wanted nothing in life  more than her.   Yeah,  I said it, a CRUSH.    Like, the feeling you had in high school for the person you wanted to go to the prom with”...or when you were a kid and first realized girls were pretty and not  “yucky”.   It was like a scene out of a movie, when you see someone walk into a room, and time stands still.   Yup, that’s EXACTLY how I felt when she walked in.   If this were a stage play, she made an ENTRANCCE.   Man, just dancing with her  made my night.   A month later, I overcame my own personal fears of rejection, “manned up”, and asked her out to dinner.   11 months after that, we were married.   Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to overcome my own fears and self-doubts to step up!

My wife said it best: “It just goes to show, just beyond our fear is a glorious destiny!”.  

She couldn’t be more right.   I look back on that Halloween weekend of 2008, and I’m reminded just how EASY it is for us to take our wives/husbands for granted.   We can get “complacent” in our affection, in our ability to realize this precious gift of LOVE God has placed in our hands, the responsibility to care for someone more than yourself.   I’m always telling my wife just how incredible and important she is to me, but I truly don’t think I appreciate and comprehend  just how incredible she is.

I look back on that chilly Halloween night, in 2008 when a beauty pageant contestant walked into my life and totally blew my mind away, and I realize just how blessed I am.   My beautiful wife, and my Father who art in heaven, PLEASE forgive me for ever taking this love for granted in any aspect of my life!

And Maze feat Frankie Beverly, thank you for helping make the memory!   I hear the song playing in my head, and all I can see is the  MOSTBEAUTIFULLESTTHINGINTHISWORLD, with the  MOSTINCREDIBLESMILE, and the  MOSTINTOXICATINGLAUGH.

Tacoma Perry, you truly do make my LIFE.

Darrell and Tacoma Perry live in Atlanta, Georgia where Darrell crunches numbers for a Fortune 500 company and Tacoma reports for a local TV station. The two are committed to staying madly in love with each other and blog about their marital exploits at

Click here to check out Tacoma’s version of what happened that night on their blog Soul Mates Over Soul Food

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BMWK Staff wrote 1259 articles on this blog.

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