5 Qualities of A Healthy Marriage

BY: - 5 Nov '12 | Communication

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On Saturday night, our flight arrived at the Atlanta Airport around 11:30 pm ET. And, Lamar and I grabbed our luggage and somehow made the 45 minute trip home without falling asleep.  It was 2 am before I closed my eyes.  And needless to say, I was already thinking:  we are not going to church tomorrow.  I am going to lay in my bed and rest because this Sunday is the first Sunday I have been home in weeks.

But God saw my heart and had other plans for me.  First, we were given an extra hour of sleep as the clocks went back one hour for Daylight Savings Time.  And second,  my 10 year old woke me at 7 am as she was getting dressed for a Girl Scouts event and her ride was on the way.  At 7 am I was wide awake and had a burst of energy. So, the rest of the family got up, got dressed, and got our behinds to church….the 9 am service to be exact.

And I am so happy we attended Church this Sunday because the sermon was for Lamar (lol)….Ok…it was for me too. The pastor discussed the Top 5 Qualities of a Healthy Marriage and here is a bit of what he shared with us:

Lordship – keep God at the center of your marriage. With God at the center, you are “humble and correctable.”  And you are able to make it work even though your emotions say otherwise. Couples that worship and pray together have a far less chance of getting divorced.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it…..”  Psalm 127:1a NKJ

Sacrifice – Great  marriages  require sacrifice in all areas of your life:  emotional, physical, financial, spiritual…and yes, even with your entertainment.  When you’re married, you can’t just make large purchases that will impact your marriage/family financially, you can’t just let your body and health go, and you can’t just let your temper get the best of you to the point where you say something you regret.

“Selfishness is at the root of every broken relationship.”

Investment – If you want to have a healthy marriage, then you will need to invest in it more than you withdraw from it. Just like your regular banking account, your marital banking account needs more deposits than withdrawals.  You can’t keep taking away from your marriage with your actions and your words and not expect to go broke at some point.  You must deposit into your marriage with things such as: marriage conferences, date nights/quality time, and affection and intimacy.

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he shall also reap.” Galatians 6:7b NKJ

Grace – In healthy marriages,  when couples extend Grace to one another they are able to forgive each other even when their spouse does not deserve it.

“Listen to this carefully.  I’m warning you.  There’s nothing done or said that can’t be forgiven.” Mark 3:28a MSG

Covenant – People in healthy marriages know that marriage is more than a contractual relationship that can be just voided at the first sign of trouble or incompatibility. They know that they have entered into a covenant, a spiritually binding relationship between them and God.

“The success of the marriage is not based on compatibility but on understanding the power of covenant.” Dr. clay Trumbell

“It’s not your worldly love that sustains marriage, but from now on the marriage covenant that sustains your love.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I was so glad that I attended church yesterday because this message from Pastor Rouse made me reflect on whether or not my marriage has the traits necessary for a healthy marriage.

BMWK –  How would you define a healthy marriage?

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 528 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.


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4 WordPress comments on “5 Qualities of A Healthy Marriage

  1. Yolanda

    Hey Sis…I am smiling so wide!!! You go to VWC, as do I!! Wow, small world. I’m on the Sermon Notes writing team that surmarizes the Pastors’ messages into Vgroup lesson. Let me know if you’d like to have the Vgroup lessons from this series.

    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this message with the world! Healthy marriages are the covenant we are to aim for.

    Love you dearly,


  2. Nakiesha Sprull

    I was at VWC when Pastor Dennis gave this message on Sunday. I felt like he was talking to me specifically. I needed to hear that message and am proud to say that today I celebrate 15 years of being married.

  3. Monica Watkins

    I appreciate your sharing this recap from your pastor’s message. As a soon to be newlywed, it’s definitely important for me to know what helps to build a healthy, Godly marriage. Thanks again!

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