Prostate Cancer Can Destroy Your Marriage

BY: - 16 Nov '12 | Home

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My uncle Bobby was a fascinating man. Having spent the majority of his life working in the Middle-East, he was full of stories and wild experiences. He owned a villa in Spain, vacationed in Thailand, and owned the finest luxury cars in the world. Whenever I was in St. Louis, I always went to his house to listen to his stories. They never got old to me.

On one visit, I noticed that Uncle Bobby didn’t look well. He had lost weight and his gait was slow. I asked him if everything was okay and he told me that he was fine. I knew that he wasn’t but I didn’t want to call him on it. Later on, one of his nieces, revealed to us that uncle Bobby had prostate cancer. It had spread throughout his body because Uncle Bobby always avoided the doctor and never scheduled regular check-ups.

Losing Uncle Bobby was tragic. If only he had gotten an exam sooner…maybe he’d still be with us today. But one good thing did come from Uncle Bobby’s death. My father-in-law scheduled a prostate exam. Thankfully the doctor discovered his prostate cancer and performed surgery before it could spread.

Although regular screenings are important for all men, routine prostate cancer screenings are critical for African-Americans. Among black men, 19 percent — nearly one in five — will be diagnosed with prostate cancer, and five percent of those will die from this disease. In fact, prostate cancer is the fourth most common reason overall for death in African-American men. The American Cancer Society recommends that African-American men discuss testing with their doctor at age 45, or at age 40 if they have several close relatives who have had prostate cancer before age 65.

In addition to recognizing the need for early screening, African-American men should be aware of the signs and symptoms of prostate cancer. These symptoms can include urinating in the middle of the night, needing to urinate more frequently, and feeling like the bladder doesn’t completely empty. Blood in the urine may also be a sign of prostate cancer. The good news is that prostate cancer treatment has a 95 success rate if detected early.

I encourage all men to schedule a physical as soon as possible. If we are to raise strong families and have strong marriages, we have to protect our health.

I don’t want any family to experience a loss of a loved one due to prostate cancer. That’s why I’m participating in Movember to raise funds and awareness for men’s health issues. Please help me achieve my goal of raising $2500. Any amount will help. Donating is easy and convenient. Visit my personal Movember page and make a donation today:

Click here to Donate

BMWK Family- please join us in thanking Fred for raising awareness and funds for men’s health issues!  Please help Fred reach his goal by donating today.  And please share, tweet and forward this story to you friends and loved ones.

 

About the author

Frederick Goodall wrote 3 articles on this blog.

Frederick J. Goodall writes the blog Mocha Dad (http://www.mochadad.com). He is a father of three kids.

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8 WordPress comments on “Prostate Cancer Can Destroy Your Marriage

  1. Lets talk

    As a wife of a man who was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer at age 51 I just wanted to comment on the article.
    I thank you for posting and bringing more awareness of screening but I must say I was disappointed in the title and what the article was actually about.
    “Prostate Cancer Can Destroy Your Marriage”
    I thought to myself finally an article about the effects of prostate cancer on a marriage but that was not the case.
    A little back ground, my husband was diagnosed at age 51 in 2010, he also had a very aggressive form of cancer. High PSA score, 2 biopsies and the cancer still encapsulated
    After not only one second opinion, but a total 4 and the different approaches to fighting the disease his best outcome was surgery.
    I could go into the wealth of knowledge I learned as I went to every appointment with him asked a lot the questions, had his medical binder in hand ; I even had a nurse ask “are you in the medical field because patients normal don’t ask those questions, but those are good questions”.
    I could go into the list of books we now have a library of books in our office regarding Prostate Cancer, Couples after prostate Cancer and every website link I now have saved in my favorites but I wont.
    I have often joked that if our men, husbands, brothers, fathers truly knew the effects of Prostate Cancer there would be a line around the block to have the screening, and they wouldn’t care where the doctor had to stick his gloved hand.
    My problem is everyone talks about “Get Screened” which is wonderful but they don’t talk about what can happen if you don’t, unless it is related to dying
    Guess what there is so much more.
    We need to dig deeper, I wish I could find the articles on the effects on a couples, the physclogical effects, but guess what; they are not out there.
    Lets talk about what can happen and the about the aftermath of surgery or radiation.
    Let’s talk about why we don’t see our men of color in support groups; yes I understand the old school mentality but if we don’t open up and share how anyone is going to know. That yes I can get through this and I am not alone. Lets talk about how there is not information out there for the wives to help them through and help them help their husband.
    Let’s talk about the incontinence that can last a week or a year, and make a man not want to leave the house except to go to work.
    Let’s talk about the effects on the psyche; husband and wives
    Let’s talk about the pain, yes you may hear a piece hear in there about ED, but that is not all that goes along with it.
    Let’s talk about how it can take a man who was once outgoing, and make him a home body with depression
    How it an take a man who was once loving, affectionate and intimate and change him into a man who doesn’t want to be touched and does not want to open up to finding new way of being intimate, with his partner.
    Let’s talk about effects on our strong men and take them to a place of if their tool isn’t quite working the same as it used to they feel less than a man.
    Let’s talk about the rejection it can lead their supportive wives to feel.
    Let’s talk about how it can turn a couple into roommates and not a loving intimate couple.
    Let’s talk about how going in you can think “oh that will never happen to us” but it does
    Trust me I understand it is a sensitive issue but it is time for us to have some real talk, deep talk, that talks that may make us feel vulnerable.
    That talk that is about a sensitive issue.
    Our brothers and couples need to stop suffering in silence. It is not doing any of us any good.
    When I saw the article I was so excited but it didn’t even touch the surface.
    Prostate Cancer can truly destroy a marriage, but it is time to talk so it doesn’t have to.

    1. Mocha Dad

      Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your candor. You’re right. Many people are embarrassed to discuss the affects of prostate cancer because they can be devastating. I hope that your testimony helps others to be more open and honest about this disease.

      1. Lets talk

        Hi Ronnie, Yes I would be willing to share my experience. I feel is important for people, couples to know the other half of the story behind Prostate Cancer and its effects on a marriage. I will say I am not a professional writer but the article just set something off in me after I read it and I had to respond. Everything I wrote was straight from the heart. Please let me know how you would like to contact me or how to contact you directly. Let’s Talk…

        1. stacey allam

          my husband just had the surgery I am trying to get him to rally and go out with me and walk he doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything he has to walk a lot hes not doing it he says hes not depressed so he wont go see anyone I don’t know what to do his surgery was about a week ago should I give him more time

  2. Pingback: Movember Moustache and Fundraising Update

  3. Anne

    So I came across this site while trying searching for answers. My boyfriend was diagnosed with Stage 2 prostate cancer a few months ago, which has caught everyone by surprise. He is 38, he is healthy, no one in his family has had cancer, let alone prostate. He doesn’t want to be touched at all, though he will hug. He stopped even kissing me around a month or so ago. The toll this has taken on my mental health let alone his is mounting and I don’t know what to do. We have been together for a year and a half and I love him with all my heart. He has not told many people and it is not my place to tell, but not having a support system is difficult. I am going through this silently for the most part. I ask questions, but I don’t want to ask too many so I try not to. I tell myself he will tell me what he is able to, when he is able to, and not to pressure him. I know he feels pressure from me already though, as well as everyone he has told. I just want him to be alright and for this to not ruin our relationship. He has gotten worse, not better and the doctors have changed his treatment to a more aggressive one to hopefully avoid having to remove his prostate. But, if by June it is not smaller or gone, that may be the way they go. I can only imagine what must be going through his mind. He still wants to have children, to be able to have a sex life, but without a prostate there will be complications. I have researched it, and like I said I can only imagine the effect that is having on his psyche. I am trying to find more about the effects on relationships and how to overcome this, any suggestions? I am not going anywhere, though I think he thinks I am, or may even want me to, I feel him pulling away. Thanks so much!

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How My Wife Transformed Me

BY: - 17 Nov '12 | Home

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Because of my wife, I am transformed. But only recently, have I come to realize this and am now able to understand and navigate the following:

Growth From Strife

Every argument, disagreement, mistake and misstep is and should be used as an opportunity for growth. They represent challenges to apologize and move on and to act differently and to hopefully be better the next time a similar situation arises….. Look at it from the right perspective and don’t point fingers.

Reassuring The One You Love

When your wife is feeling anxious, depressed, crazy…whatever, instead of trying to figure her out, try your best to reassure her.

Can You Love Without Knowing

Do you truly know your wife?

  • Do you know her hopes and dreams?
  • Do you know what causes her pain?
  • Do you know the tragedies of her past?
  • Do you know what makes her smile (not how to make her smile)?
  • When she is pushing buttons do you rise up against her or do you pray for her?
  • Do you desire to understand her, or do you not get why she doesn’t get you?
  • Do you realize that she is an entire person and not only your spouse, they way you understand your friends are people too?

Team Spirit
And last, but definitely not least, you and your wife are together to complement one another, not to compete. The quest to be right or point out wrongs works against the team building. In sports we all shake our heads when teammates begin arguing with each other in the middle of a game after a botched play. We know that it is inevitable that they will lose and quite possibly never be the same again. If it’s so important that this not happen with your favorite team, shouldn’t the same be true of your marriage? Get in a huddle with your wife and leave it with a plan to succeed. Together.

BMWK – in every relationship there should be growth.  Not only personal growth, but also growth towards understanding and loving each other better….Growth towards a better relationship.  Have you experienced growth in your own relationship? How has your spouse transformed you?  

About the author

Eric Payne wrote 83 articles on this blog.

Named a Top 50 Dad Blogger in 2011 by Cision Media & awarded Top 50 Dad Blog in 2011 and 2012 by Babble.com, Eric writes about fatherhood, marriage and everything in between on his blog MakesMeWannaHoller.com. He speaks around the country about social media and blogging. He is the author of "DAD: As Easy As A, B, C!" and is a regular on CNN's Headline News station and the Jennifer Keitt show on KISS 104.1 FM Atlanta.

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