Some Things Are For Your Spouse’s Eyes and Ears Only!

BY: - 20 Nov '12 | Intimacy

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When I think about the types of relationships that exist – between parents and children, friends, siblings, and extended family members, –none of them compare to the relationship between a husband and a wife. None of them. Yes, marriage is work. Yes, marriage has ups and downs. Yes, marriage, entered into foolishly, can result in a lot of heartache. But, above all, the marriage relationship is beautifully unique.

For me, with God at the center and my husband and I in spiritual agreement, nothing compares to the joy, the freedom, the security, and the peace of marriage. For example, there are things that I can share with my husband that I would never share with anyone else such as: secrets…mistakes…pains….and even experiences with God that are for my husband’s eyes and ears only. Why are they just for him? Because I am confident that he will hide them in his heart, go to God on my behalf, or use them to help me not to hurt me. Next to God, my husband’s eyes and ears provide safe harbor to share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.

My intimate fantasies are for my husband’s eyes only.

My “ugly cry” is for his eyes only.

My dirty past is for his ears only.

My deepest desires are for his ears only.

My heartaches and pains are for his ears only.

My scary, transitional moments with God are for his ears only.

In marriage, there are some things you can’t share with anyone else but your spouse (unless it’s a counselor, psychologist, etc.) And, if your spouse values your marriage vows, then what you share will truly be for their eyes and ears only. I dare not tell my girlfriends what my husband shares with me. I dare not reveal his weaknesses and sources of pain. I dare not expose his wounds so others can re-injure him. Those are for my eyes and ears only, and if I take them to anyone, I take them to God.

To have a marriage like this is a blessing, for sure. I do not take it for granted nor risk losing it out of selfishness, fear, or pride. It takes time to get to this place in marriage, but the work is worth it. The blessing of knowing that you can be who you truly are and share what you really feel without it being used against you or broadcast for all the world to see, that’s beautiful.

BMWK family, what are some other things that are for your spouse’s eyes and ears only?


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  • Ms.C

    I’m not married yet…still waiting on my “Boaz” to find me. But this is so good, this is the way I fell, that my soulmate has to have this quality. Because he’s got to know me just that well, and for me him. That is the deepest love I know, that’s unconditional love, that’s what I’ve got to have in my mate. I know I can give him that, because it’s IN me, I won’t settle for nothing less. I gave it to someone before, but it was out of order. I had to learn even love has to be in order before it will flow the way God intented it to be. This is for the singles too, we should be praying for this in our mates…males and female alike. Thank you

    • DrMichelle

      Yes, it must be in you first in order for you to attract to yourself. Can you be this type of spouse who provides safe harbor and sacred ears?

      • Ms.C

        Yes, I would have to be in order for him to give to me. Partnership

  • Niambi

    Hello Dr. Michelle! Thank you for sharing. Great post!

    • DrMichelle

      You are welcome.

  • Mrs. Jones

    After reading this article and dealing with a current horrible marriage, I truely see what kind of man my daughter and I are missing out on in our lives.

    • DrMichelle

      Glad it spoke to you so deeply. Thanks for reading.

  • DrChell

    Thank you for this! Though I’m in my single season this prepares me for my marriage season. I pray for a Boaz like this.

  • gina

    So what if you can’t share this kind of thing with your husband? What if he doesn’t want to hear your intimate fantasies, or feels threatened by them? What if you don’t feel that sharing your past with him is the right thing to do because you don’t know if he will judge you for it? (Even if he says he won’t?)

    • Anonymous

      Then frankly ma’am, he’s not husband material. Those realities are things you discuss and discover in the dating process.

      • Anonymous

        Qualities, not realities. I misspoke,my apologies.

  • JT

    Great article and much needed wisdom. Why would you ever reveal the weaknesses of your spouse? It would be like unlocking a vault filled with valuables, leaving the door open and allowing everyone in and then complaining about the robbery.

  • Koretta

    I think part of marriage is being so vulnerable before your spouse. This article is referring to how Christ loves us. That’s how we are to love our spouse. If more of us took this mindset into marriage than we would be in better marriages because we would truly be guarding out spouse as ourselves. This is a pure form of love even when we are scared we take our thoughts to God and that’s the relationship He wants us to have with our spouse. A similar closeness like we share with Christ. Beautiful thought – love this article and it opens me to see the necessary changes I need to make in my own life so as no to betray my spouses confidence.

  • Gina

    Then don’t.