Why My Wife is My #2, and Still Cool With It

BY: - 1 Nov '12 | Marriage

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I have heard the average marriage lasts less than four years.  So when you are still married, still married with kids, and still happily married with kids after eleven years, then you have learned some things about yourself and your wife.  You don’t have it all figured out, but you know a little more about what works and what doesn’t work in your marriage.

As mentioned above, many marriages do not last like “they used to.”  I am no marriage historian, however I now know, in my eleven years of marriage, what I need in order to be all my wife needs.  I need someone else in my life, and this person needs to be #1, even ahead of my wife.

My #1 Loves Me Unconditionally, My Wife Doesn’t

One of the things which attracts me to my #1, is that I am loved unconditionally.  I mess up all the time.  All the time!  Sometimes I even do stuff that I know is wrong.  But it doesn’t matter, I am still loved.

My wife is amazing, and very forgiving, but I am sure she would admit she doesn’t always love me unconditionally.  Sometimes the level of love and respect is contingent upon what I have or have not done.

Our “Open Marriage” Works Great

I have to admit the more time I spend with my #1, the more refreshed I am  with my wife.  And she can tell the difference.  She now knows that this time is very important to our marriage,  and  is good with it.  The beauty of it, is they know each other, and we all three spend time together.

We do not spend as much time as we all would like to, but the moments we do are amazing.  I have to admit some of our best moments together, even in making love, are the times all three of us have spent significant, quality time together.

Learning to Love and Share This Love

The unconditional love I receive from my #1, has taught me how to love.  When someone loves you in that way, you cannot help but to share it.  I know I do not do it perfectly, but I am able to love my wife in a way I never thought possible because of this.

Just like me, she makes mistakes.  She does and says things to me that I do not like.  However, I can still love her in spite of it.  After all, someone else has done this very thing for me.

No Greater Love, Than Agape Love

Agape love is that perfect love, that unconditional love that is spoken of above.  The love that is patient and kind.  Love that is not jealous, boastful, or proud.  Love that is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and does not keep track of your mistakes.  A love that gets joy and excitement from the truth.  The kind of love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, perseveres and never fails.

That is the kind of love that God has for me.  Yes, God is  my  #1 relationship, the #1 love in my life.  When I prioritize my life, and make spending time with and knowing God the most important, I learn how to relate better to my wife.  I learn to love her, when she is unlovable.  I learn to love her when I just do not feel like it.  I learn to love her unconditionally as best I can.

Who is your #1, and #2?

“Putting God first” has almost become cliche’.  I thought God was my #1.  But when I asked myself a few questions, I found I was mistaken.  Honestly, my wife wasn’t even my #1 sometimes.  Sometimes it was my kids.  Many times it was my business and my work, and a whole lot of times it was me.  Ask yourself the questions I asked myself.

  1. What do you think about?
  2. How do you use your money?
  3. What do you do with your time?

A Fourth Question

You may be unpleasantly surprised with your answers to those questions, or you may know that your answers should be different.  Now, you have  the opportunity to look at your priorities.  As I said above, my #1 is Jesus, my #2 is my wife, my #3 is my kids.  Everything else follows.  The best way to check myself is to be honest in answering those questions.  If I don’t like the answers, my next question needs to be:

What are you going to do now?

BMWK: Have you (really) put God first in your marriage?  I encourage you to do so, and watch what happens!

Follow Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. on  Facebook  and  Twitter.

About the author

Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. wrote 62 articles on this blog.

Jackie is an author, blogger, and speaker who helps men better love their wives and lead their families. He is the creator of The 7 Rings of Marriage™. You can receive his latest BMWK posts in your inbox, plus his latest marriage and parenting posts from around the web by subscribing to his weekly newsletter!

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13 WordPress comments on “Why My Wife is My #2, and Still Cool With It

  1. Jai

    What a awesome article! It is do true that many times we allow our priorities to get out of whack. If we can stay the course and keep Jesus #1 at all times, everything else will come with much greater ease. I’m encouraged thanks to this article. God bless you!

  2. Niquitta Legree

    This is truly a awesome article because We have are married for 11 years and I am really learnig this. This really hit home and I appreciate this article more than you will ever know.

    Continue the great work.

  3. Tresa E

    This was a wonderful article that really left a lot to think about when coming to priorities. I must say that my husband does a great job at keeping Jesus #1 and me #2. It has helped us continue to grow. Thank you for this article.

  4. Chajuana

    Great article. I strive to keep God first in my marriage everyday. There are times when my spouse and I feel just like the article states, but our commitment to God remains greater. So then we can love one another through what we consider our perfect imperfections.

  5. MM

    Awesome article. I commend you highly. My Fiancé and I put that in concrete the first day we met and God is our individual Foundation and our Foundation as a couple. At first, he said you’re #2 and I was like, What! Then I realized what he was saying and I agreed totally because I had made the same decision, just didn’t put it like that.

    God is a jealous God and he “Will Not” have anyone before him. He is our all and all and without him we are nothing, we can be anything, we have no being and so forth. We breath because of him, we have our life because of him. God loves us like we’re the only ones on earth. He should definitely be our #1.

    I also like what you said about who is your #1, #2, #3, then of course everything else. A lot of people get things out of order like some will put ministry, work, others before God, Wife, and your children, and that’s not right. Maybe that’s why there are so many problems in marriages, families, and ministries. Our personal relationship with God, then relationship with wife/husband, then the kid(s). Right there is where everything starts, changes, good, bad, ugly, pretty, the shaping and molding is done then, then spreads out the door to others.

    Again, GREAT ARTICLE. I will definitely share with my Fiancé.

    Blessings and continue to share your experiences and testimonies to help others.

    MM

  6. Nekeya M

    Wow! This article was good! I’m not married, not even in a relationship, however, I enjoy reading these articles. They are merely preparing me for a successful marriage.

  7. Doris

    Glad I read the entire article because I was all set to get an attitude about “the open marriage”. It has she’d light on what is required to not only be a good wife but a minister’s wife. I am not married but want to be and have been shying away from ministers that have been trying to grin my attention because I did not want to share them.

    Thank you

  8. Pingback: Don’t Just Stay in Your Marriage, Stay in LOVE!! « jessejacksonmirega

  9. Pingback: How Do You Celebrate Your Spouse's Birthday? — JackieBledsoe.com

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Could You Survive Infidelity?

BY: - 1 Nov '12 | Home

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“…For better or for worse…in sickness and in health…’til death us do part.” Before that, I think it says something about loving, honoring and cherishing each other, right? So, if your spouse decides to break those vows and let’s say…have an extra-marital affair, does that justify you to break yours too and  leave? There are a lot of different religious stances on divorce, case scenarios, and infinite combinations of circumstances that will justify a person’s reason to stay or to hit the road. Everyone has their opinion about what they feel is right when faced with infidelity, mainly because there’s no right or wrong answer.

Nowadays, I take people’s words and intentions with a grain of salt regarding what they will or won’t do if they caught their spouses cheating. Quite honestly, I feel like its nobody’s business anyway what goes in your marriage. Some things need to be sacred. So, if you stay nobody knows and if you decide to leave then, good for you! But, when we do talk about it and I hear people say, “Oh, I’d leave him in a heartbeat!” or “It wouldn’t be me!” I just listen because I’ve heard it all and guess what? He/She stayed. No fault of theirs, you just never know what you’ll do when faced with that gut-wrenching, heart-breaking decision – especially when there are kids involved.

Not long ago, I learned that a friend of mine, was legally separated from her husband due to his infidelity early on their marriage and they decided to still live under the same roof until their younger daughter graduated from high school! Her reasoning was that her daughters needed BOTH of their parents. Yes, initially I found that odd but, I realized, “That worked for them.” I have another friend that’s been married to her husband for 27 years. He has not one, but TWO grown children from extra-marital affair. At first glance, that too seemed like too much of a deal-breaker for me, but again I realized again, “Hey…that works for them.”

I’d like to think just like every other unknowing, confident married woman who’s had to endure the unthinkable, that I’m smart enough or I’m satisfying or I’m substantial enough or that I’m worthy enough of my husband being faithful in our marriage. But the truth is, it can happen to me too! I am not immune. I am also not ashamed to say that I think I can survive infidelity, but you never know the circumstances. I’ve always said, affairs of the heart are the worst because there’s much more involved than just the lust of the flesh, there are heart strings attached. Whew! Just thinking about all of this gives me a migraine. But sadly everyday, men and women go to sleep and wake up to the day they wish they could erase.

To contrast this, some people are happy when the dark secrets of their spouse come to light because they can now justify an action (of leaving) that they really couldn’t before. This still makes me sad because being a product of divorced parents, I know first hand that it can be devastating. An unforgettable amount of heartache and confusion that will get better over time, but will never truly go away. I’m praying that I’m never faced with this decision, because my reality is that I have children to consider. These are children that are reaping the benefits of a two-parent household and I love the family structure and environment that we’re creating for them. Whether you leave or decide to stay, you must always consider the ramifications of either choice and always always think about the children.

BMWK –  We know that marriages can survive infidelity it they are willing to put in the work to rebuild the foundation.  Check out our movie Still Standing that shows how a couple is able to build a happy life together after infidelity early on in the marriage.  Is infidelity a deal breaker?  If not, what would it take for you to forgive?

About the author

Sheree Adams wrote 117 articles on this blog.

Sheree is a wife and WAHM of three who passionately blogs about marriage, family, health tips and more as Smart & Sassy Mom. Sheree is committed to helping blended families and keeping marriages strong, healthy, fun and SPICY!

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