In The Moments When I Can’t Stand My Spouse: 4 Ways I Get Over It!

BY: - 4 Dec '12 | Home

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We all have those moments that every married couple experiences whether they admit it or not- the moment when you can not STAND your better half’s actions. You don’t hate them but, darn it, at that moment you can’t, for the life of you, think straight to  say anything good about them. Let me give you an example that a lot of wives will understand. You get up late at night to use the restroom and as you reach to sit down, you fall in the toilet because your spouse forgot to close the toilet seat! Having angry thoughts coupled with a wet behind, you angrily curse your spouse (hopefully in your head) and go to bed wishing for an attitude adjustment.

Men, I’m sure all of you can understand this example: You’ve just sat down to watch the SEC Championship with your friends. You suddenly get a phone call from your frantic wife who ran out of gas- after you’ve repeatedly told her to fill up her tank. You grudgingly go to meet her (with gas) and by the time you get back to watching the game, it’s half time. Yes, you love her to pieces, but you are ‘mad as hell’ at her. These emotions are what really happens in marriages.

Sometimes you’re mad about trivial issues (like above) but sometimes the issues are much bigger such as infidelity, emotional abandonment etc. Maybe you’re still mad about your spouse for committing infidelity or for not being there emotionally for you. You’ve attended counseling and vowed to make things better, but you can’t shake this feeling.

Being mad is a natural emotion, but how you deal with it is a good indicator on the longevity of your marriage.  So how do I  ‘get over’ my emotions in order to still be a good partner in my marriage?  Do I  just forget about what happened like nothing ever happened? Or do I confront the problem head on? It depends on the circumstances, but here are four steps I use to deal with those moments when I just can’t stand my spouse!

1. Pray hard. I use this often- in my life in general. However, those moments when I’m seriously MAD at my spouse, I take a moment and just pray. I pray for understanding, patience and for restraint. Most times I go to a quiet space and just pray until I feel better. Sometimes I pray for 5 minutes, while other times I’m praying for an hour- whatever it takes to make me feel better about the situation.
2. Forgive often. Our spouses are human and many times, while we may be mad at them, they honestly have NO CLUE of why we’re mad. The night that I feel in the toilet, my husband was fast asleep. He had no clue why I got back in the bed angry-after having to take another shower at 3 AM  So despite him interrupting an uneventful night, I had to forgive him. That’s part of being married, forgiving one another-even if you sometimes don’t want to.
3. Vocalize why you’re angry. Being angry and not saying why you’re mad is as productive as spanking a child without telling them why they’re being spanked. So whenever you’re calm enough to discuss your feelings with your spouse, be honest but be mindful of their feelings.
4. Forget about it. Yep, if you’ve followed steps 1-3 then all you have left to do is forget about it. That’s the true measure if you love your spouse. Love holds no record.

There will be people who will never admit to having times where they can’t ‘stand’ their spouse. They’ll swear that this article has nothing to do with them.  But being married, there will be days you just can’t stand what your spouse does. It’s normal, now get over it. In the end, I married for life.  So I make sure that the days where I’m in a ‘funk’ are fewer than the days that I’m happy.

Now my BMWK family, what do you do when you just can’t ‘stand’ your spouse?

About the author

Franchesca Warren wrote 44 articles on this blog.

Franchesca Warren is writer, author, blogger, educator, runner, entrepreneur, mother and overall BossyGirl. She's currently working on her second book detailing her chronicles of working in two of the roughest urban school districts with a release date of August 2012. You can find her full-time on her blog chronicling her life trying to balance it all and run a marathon by the end of the year. In her spare time she runs her own editing company, The Editing Nerd, and working on the launch of her first magazine. For a daily account of the good, bad and ugly of being a BossyGirl follow her on Twitter!


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19 WordPress comments on “In The Moments When I Can’t Stand My Spouse: 4 Ways I Get Over It!

    1. Superwife

      IDK – I don’t know how anybody does that. If a person will lie and cheat, I doubt they can be trusted to keep any commitment they make. (You cannot cheat without lying – that is a worse betrayal).

    2. Anonymous

      I was taught in the event of cheating that by thee word you can leave the marriage but if forgiveness is given first then you must stay and work it out. Not saying this is correct but there are only a couple of sins that are not forgivable nevertheless cheating isn’t one. So any person in this situation would have to decide what is the best action for them because after all it is only between that person and God. My tablet is acting funny so if you see anything after this it a mistake. Thanks
      aaactionBbecause after all it is only bewte

    3. Kendra

      Infidelity is really hard to overcome, but it can be done if both parties are willing. My spouse cheated about 2 years ago – we had just gotten married! My job at the time made me really grumpy and distant, so he lashed out with an affair. When he told me it was about 2-4 months after it happened and he felt really bad (for a couple days). I was devastated, and it took me probably a year or so to really completely recover. My husband just didn’t understand why I couldn’t get over it after a few weeks, but I stuck through it. Now he tells me if he has those urges, and I think it helps, and he hasn’t cheated since. I would say to anyone else facing this that it takes cooperation, forgiveness, and time. Time is really what helped me heal from it. But, if you think it might be worth it for you, it is! Don’t give up. :) Our relationship is better now.

  1. Superwife

    Ain’t nobody gonna be still mad about infidelity….that is a deal breaker…I am gone. Being married for life does not mean that person can do absolutely ANYTHING and you stick around. You don’t stay if they are beating you to death, you don’t stay if they are molesting/raping children, and you don’t stay if the person is unfaithful. (Unless you really want to and can handle it – but not me). For better or worse is not about that person’s chosen bad behavior – its about the better or worse in life (like car wrecks and hurricanes and job losses and family tragedy). Don’t get it twisted. Even Jesus said you can leave if they cheat.

    1. Superwife

      Then why are you together at all? If both people think cheating is a remedy to whatever is the problem, how in the world can you overcome that mindset? The problem is in the head of the parties. Steve Harvey (not the greatest relationship expert) once said, you cannot solve the problems IN your house by going OUTSIDE your house. Get some counseling – the marriage is not considered valuable by the spouses if it can be trampled on like this. Praying for you.

          1. Anonymous

            @Eric yes He can and will. Look up the Law of Confession. God will honor your faith and being that you are the head of the home you are moving in the right direction. Walk through your home speaking and calling thing that are not as though they were. Ex: Blessings and Peace occupy my home in the Name of Jesus. All you are going to do is recall His word to Him. He promised it would NEVER return void unto Him. Annoint and pray over your wife and family-see its battle time now homey if you desire your marriage to work. You now have forces working to destroy that which God has ordained. Satan knows the power of 2 (do a study on it) for they have a great return and if one falls the other puck’s up the other (used this scripture in my wedding-3 strand cord is not easily broken-God, you & your wife). I have prayed for you. If by any chance you need a starting help let me know I can give u some study material via email of course. Be Blessed – corinne.Griffith@flail minus the capital G.

  2. ttjam

    wow, i applied all 4 this past weekend. it takes a lot even for newly weds to get pass anger. i’m a work in progress so i pray that i am able to remember these points whenever my wonderful husband begins to look less wonderful in my eyes…

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